Garbo has recently made mornings even more dreadful than they already were (for a night owl like me). The routine goes like this:

1. Wake up.

2. If there is poop on the floor, clean up poop and wait 30 minutes to feed cats. If there is no poop, feed cats.

3. Scoop litterboxes of nightime poopings

4. Clean up puked up breakfast. Repeat, repeat, repeat. If this is not done IMMEDIATELY Grace will clean it up with her mouth. And then I'll be cleaning up my own puke.

5. By this time morning poopings have occurred. If on floor, clean carpet/tile and rant like a madwoman. If in box, scoop box and clean carpet from where Garbo wiped her butt like a dog.

6. If not too grossed out, eat breakfast.

7. Feed Garbo Breakfast #2. Reassure confused Grace that I fully understand that breakfast has already been served once today.

I'd be more concerned about this had she not recently undergone 500 FREAKING DOLLARS worth of tests at the vet. The vet concluded that:

1. With just a few more "geriatric feline checkups" he can pay off his new boat

2. Garbo is a total headcase. She'd be an animal behaviorist's wet dream.

So, we live in the World of If. IF she doesn't wolf her food down, she may not throw up. IF she eats whenever she wants, she may not poop on the floor. She's over 13 years old and, other than being overweight, she's in excellent physical health. We love her dearly, so there's not much to be done.

Except maybe to mock her.

El Poopacabra lives!