Todays Comedy - Hilarious Urine Mishap.. Todays Comedy - Hilarious Hunting Trip.. Todays Comedy - Watch The Road Signs.. Todays Comedy - Know Who You Are And Be Careful How You Act..
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Todays Comedy - Hilarious Urine Mishap
About a year ago my wife was standing in the kitchen cooking at the counter when my youngest daughter who was beginning to potty train entered behind her. My daughter stood on the TILE kitchen floor and simply peed on it right behind my wife. Then she just looked down sort of dumbfounded at the large puddle beneath her.All was well until suddenly my oldest daughter came tearing around the corner, slipping on the pee, wiping out herself and my younger daughter. They both began screaming as they slid across the slippery tile floor in the pee. They tried to get up but slipped and fell in it again. They were unharmed but very upset to say the least. My wife was burning with anger over the mess as the kids wallowed in the urine covered floor. Myself, well I ended up on the floor too - laughing my head off. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen!!Though in the doghouse I was the rest of the day, that incident was well worth it!!
Todays Comedy - Hilarious Hunting Trip
A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator truck for $42,500 and has $560 monthly payments.He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the new Navigator truck comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.The Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and from the new Navigator truck), and they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the lit dynamite fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite as far away as they can.Remember the vehicle, the guns, and the dog?Well the dog is a highly trained Labrador used for RETRIEVING. Especially good at retrieving things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off full speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men screaming and waving their arms wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming at full speed. One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off finding cover, under the brand new Navigator truck..The men continue to yell as they run away. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot, so the dog yelps and drops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his master.Then --BOOM-- the truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED. He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments!Ouch!
Todays Comedy - Watch The Road Signs
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?""Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.""Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error."But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks."Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."
Todays Comedy - Know Who You Are And Be Careful How You Act
During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled.A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "(Expletive) you."Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was canceled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.
Todays Comedy - The Comical Bathroom Commode
Todays Comedy - Don't Be Too Careful With Your Speech!The story is told of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant with her language especially. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter.After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again and rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC. "Does the campground have it's own BC?" is what she actually wrote.Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all, and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him.After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about he local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:Dear Madam:I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous. Even the normal delivery sounds can be heard.The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats.I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks.Remember, this is a friendly community.Sincerely, Campground Owner
Diagnosing Mesothelioma
It can be difficult to diagnose mesothelioma because many of the mesothelioma symptoms are similar to other conditions, including lung cancer and even other types of cancers. At the time of diagnosis, first your doctor will do a physical examination, discuss your complete medical history, and will ask you about the possibility of prior exposure to asbestos.Although there is no early detection test for mesothelioma, there are several tests that can be used to help in making the diagnosis of mesothelioma, including a chest x-ray, a CT scan, or an MRI scan. A chest x-ray yields an image of the lungs that will show many types of abnormal changes. A CT scan (computed tomography) is a type of x-ray, but it uses a computer rather than film to create detailed images.An MRI scan (magnetic resonance imaging) uses magnetism, radio waves, and also a computer but does not use radiation to create a clear image. These tests help your doctor differentiate mesothelioma from other lung tumors as well as determine where the tumor is and how large it is.Your doctor may need to do a biopsy which means removing a tissue sample from the tumor or draw fluid (aspirate) from it to confirm the diagnosis. This can be done in several ways.The easiest way to obtain tissue samples involves making a small incision and placing a flexible tube in the area of the tumor. This is called a thoracoscopy if it is done in the chest area. A laparoscopy is the same procedure, but done in the abdominal cavity. A tube that is attached to a video camera is placed so that the doctor can look inside the body and a tissue sample may be taken at the same time. Sometimes, however, a more extensive surgical procedure may be advisable. A thoracotomy can be done to open the chest to take a tissue sample and, if feasible, to remove most or all of the visible tumor. If this procedure is done in the abdominal cavity, it is called a laparotomy.At other times, a mediastinoscopy may be done in which a very small incision is made just above the sternum (breast bone) and a tube inserted just behind the breast bone. This enables the doctors to look at lymph nodes. Lymph nodes are small, bean-shaped structures that are an important part of the body's immune system. They contain cells that help your body fight infection as well as cancer. This test will give the doctor more information on the type of cancer and whether it has spread to other areas. The tissue samples taken in these procedures are analyzed under a microscope in order to determine whether the tumor is a mesothelioma or some other type of cancer.
Saints - Super Bowl Champs!!! If the Saints play like they did against the Arizona Cardinals I don't think the Colts have a chance.
What do you think? Because their defense is coming. Now they did not bring the same game against the Vikings and the Vikings gave the game to them with turnovers.
But now with 2 weeks rest, they can bring it!!!!!!!!!!!
Colts VS Saints I would love to see the Saints win the Superbowl against the Colts, especially since they (the Saints) never even got their before. I love Drew Breeze, I don't care for the Saints coach, but I would love to see them win and I think they can. And I know this post is long awaiting, but the Viking really really blew the game against the Saints. Just because of the turnovers. I wanted to blame Brett Favre, but it was not all his fault, the loss was a team effort for the offense. But the Vikings Defense controlled the game, so it's sort of sad.
NFL Playoffs - Anyones Taking This Year Well we all know what is supposed to happen don't we? Well Let's see....................... Arizona can't possibly topple the Saints in New Orleans can they....................can they? And it would be impossible for the Jets to beat the Chargers right? And what about the Colts could they possibly lose to Baltimore? And we all know that Dallas can't beat the Powerful Vikings. Well think again!! We can hope we can analyze, we can speculate and we could even bet, but that's something I would not dare do with this years match ups. Let's break it down some more. Can you really count out Arizona with an experienced Kurt Warner steering the ship? Especially knowing how close they came last year to winning the Super Bowl. Will the San Diego Chargers be able to beat a cocky coach with a Jets team that expects to win? Or will the Jets defense (one of the best in the league) shut the Chargers down? Can the Peyton Manning and the Colts shake off the dust - no really can they shake off the dust both physically and emotionally to beat a Baltimore Ravens team (who is not rusty) that just beat Tom Brady and the New England Patriots in New England and beat them bad!! Finally, will the Minnesota Vikings who incidentally are NOT coming into the playoffs with momentum be able to rise up and beat the Dallas Cowboys? I'm not so sure. I love Brett Favre, I always have. But lately it seems like in big games he has a tendency to force things in the playoffs. And thus do his team more harm than good. Oh and by the way - this is a very healthy Dallas team who does NOT expect to lose. It really is for any team to take. I think almost all of these games are too close to call. My pick to win the Super Bowl still stands to be the San Diego Chargers. So naturally I expect them to beat the Jets - at least I hope they will. The Saints SHOULD win against Arizona, but I dare not even pick a winner for this one. And don't be shocked at all if Arizona wins - Kurt Warner is a competitor and is tough! I do have to pick the Colts over the Ravens. But Dallas and Minnesota is too close for me to call. If you want to go out on a limb, be my guest. It's going to be an exciting weekend. But that's why they play - right? And that's what makes it exciting for us to watch.
NFL Playoffs Begin I hope so bad that the Eagles win and that the Bengals win. I don't like the Jet's at all!!! And naturally if I love the Eagles well it's obvious how I feel about Dallas.
I think the Bengals will pull it out against the Jets, but I'm not so sure my Eagles will win.
Now above all games I hope Tom Brady and the Patriots win tomorrow against the Ravens. That is the most important game to me. But I really like the Bengals and Eagles.
My Superbowl pick remains unchanged however - Chargers!!
Eagles Eagles are pathetic. they can never win a big game - gets me crazy.
When the going gets tough, the Eagles roll over it seems. But I will still root for them.
This will be a tremendous challenge after the devastating blow they took when Wes Welker suffered a season ending knee injury against the Patriots loss to the Texans.
The Patriots will have to come up with a great game plan offensively to beat the Ravens Sunday. Welker's absence could mean a loss for the Patriots because of the outlet he provided for Brady when under pressure. And Tom Brady will probably be under a lot of pressure on Sunday.
I'm proud to say that the Patriots can never be counted out with Tom Brady and a team that plays very intelligent like New England does. But the Hard hitting Ravens will be ready.
Don't look past this one fellows.
Penn State Up at Half People are defending Daryll Clark who I love as a person, and he has thrown some good balls. But he has also thrown to many balls into LSU players chest - thankfully they dropped the ball.
Also, they blew it at the goal line bad. This game is way to close right now. LSU is relentless and Penn State despite good coaching will still lose close games.
Penns State UP!!!!!!!!! Daryll Clark waking up, now needs people to catch the wet ball. Go Penn State!!
Good Stop by Penn State, 7-3 Penn State. LSU is relentless and disciplined team.
