So, over two weeks ago, I had an accident.

Anyone who knows me well, or even not so well, would know I’m pretty accident prone, or would even  go as far to say that Murphy, that little bastard was laughing his head off when I was created, cos since I have been born, I have had these little, or not so little, “accidents”.

Some of them have included falling into a well; slipped on a mat and went flying (I flew) and landed on my chin, splitting it open; having a sports accident and tearing my ACL into two, or the most recent by one; -  having a curtain pole come hurling down on my forehead (my 2nd concussion) last year to which I responded to Murphy in the following manner;

Murphy. You Rascal!

So just when I was thinking that Murphy’s gone on holiday, he reminds me not to thank my stars. He does so by making sure that I see some at least.

So today, during an impromptu black out, I tried to open the curtain to let in some light into the because seriously candles aren’t always very effective. They don’t necessarily stay put do they? The flames I mean, weird things, dancing about.  Anyways, I approached the curtain which starts from the roof which is like 10ft high and basically tugged to the side. And then the unthinkable happens. The wooden curtain pole hauls itself towards my direction and what ensues is a Mt. Everest in the making.

I think I have a concussion.

So, that was from a year back.

This year, on the 1st of March, I shot upward into a concrete bar, whilst walking up the stairs of an office building.  Did I see it? NO I didn’t, because I was trying to make sure I didn’t slip on the slipper steep steps. Did it hurt? You bet the mother-load of hurt it did. Did people hear the impact? The person with me swears he did, which he did whilst laughing his head off! Did it leave repercussions, oh boy you would NOT believe.

See, I didn’t go to see the Doctor on the day of the accident. One, I’m not the type to make a fuss over an accident, well because I AM accident prone, and two, well because I hate hospitals with a passion. BUT because my symptoms kept getting worse, my friends felt that the doctor was someone I should meet. So I did, a bit late (about 4 days later) but nevertheless did, and the doctor scared me. She instantly wrote me a letter to get an MRI to rule out any possibilities, and I went home. The next day, my mother who’s in the medical field, specialising in ophthalmology, sent me to her colleagues at the Eye Hospital.

Now, when I went there, I went looking for Aunty S, who’s my mother’s bestfriend and batchmate. Once I found her, she took me to see Seekku Uncle, who’s a specialist in double vision and the likes (I think). So, he sat me down, and then they did the simplest test on me, they found that my vision has gotten worse (I wear glasses anyway), and that it had gotten to the point where I couldnt read anything past the first 3 lines. And then came the big tests. (Sigh)

Mind you the vision impairment is nothing compared to the annoying heightened hearing and buzzing in my ear , as well as the body numbing headaches I constantly suffered.

This brings me to the point I was getting at. Nepotism. It’s a funny thing isn’t it? Sri Lanka brims with it, politically and socially, it’s everywhere. Nowadays if you know someone of the self-proclaimed royal family of the island, you can get  job even if you haven’t passed your A/Ls, not that I’m saying that people who have experience shouldn’t be able to get high ranking jobs, because I’ve seen people who have come up ranks and I think it’s great. What I mean is the fact that you take so many shortcuts and don’t really exercise your potential but exercise others power and control to get things done.

Now, in my case, my mother had her colleagues check my eyes out. What they told me was quite horrifying, because they told me my eye muscles had been affected by the concussion (I did mention that this was my third), and it would take me a minimum of 2 months to recover. I felt my face fall.  Also, Aunty S went onto try and make me feel better (or something of that sort – not that it helped). She said, “you shouldn’t worry, normally if you were any one of the streets, we couldn’t have conducted so many tests on you, but because you are my bestfriend’s and colleagues daughter, we’re doing these tests to make sure that everything is in order so you’ll know what is wrong exactly, and also to be cautious, you should go ahead with the MRI“.

What happens if a person who had a more serious concussion, but didn’t have a cracked-open-head walked in, and they didn’t take them seriously, and sent them off with “oh-you’ll-be-fine-take-these-medicines-and-come-back-in-two-weeks” attitude? What if in the meantime something else happened to them because their condition wasn’t diagnosed properly, what if they disregarded it and let it slip. Why must we have nepotism to get something done better, especially in the medical world. Every person in this world has the right to medical attention, but WHY must our doctors, para-medical or nursing staff make favourites, and give some people more precedence than others. Is it right? Seriously IS IT?  Haven’t Doctors taken a pledge?

The Modern Version of the ancient Hippocratic Oath states the following;

• I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:
• I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.
• I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.
• I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon’s knife or the chemist’s drug.
• I will not be ashamed to say “I know not,” nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient’s recovery.
• I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.
• I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person’s family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.
• I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.
• I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.
• If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.

I stress on the part which states “I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.“

I call it the Hypocritical Oath, and really it’s merely a farce nowadays with only a few actually caring doctor who actually in my opinion have the right to be honoured by the title he or she is given. So many people don’t do what they can, or are lazy to what they could do, and at times leave prejudice by their sides to govern the doctrines they have amassed.

I am disgusted, by our system, I am thoroughly disgusted where society has come to a point where their efficiency is looked up whether the person requiring a service from you is indeed connected to you in some way.

In my opinion politics and nepotism aren’t things that should be entwined with medicine, because you are messing with a person’s life and a family’s world, and the actions you take to disregard their health concerns could seriously bring malice and blood will be in some form in your hands.

I know you are in a better place. Rest in peace, my friend. Your legacy will live on in your kin. Rest In Peace!!!

-

Clothed in White

Clothed in white
she sleeps serenely
an innocent smile
upon her pink lips
mocking the beautiful dreams
her gracefully shut eyes
will never see,
her life has ended
her dreams are gone
her life remembered
and memory pleasantly
reminisced by all
amongst the stars
she will peek and
smile upon us all
shower us with star dust
and wish us joy and love
until she moves on
bidding us all adieu
her love will flow through us
her heart will live on in ours
holding our hands
she will be here
forever, and more.

-

When I wrote this poem earlier, it came to me one night. It just came to me, and sometimes these things do. I have times where I get a sense of dejavu, and right now, that is all I’m sensing. It’s like this poem was meant for her, for you Niomi.

I hope you are in a better place, I hope you aren’t hurting anymore. I hope you’re home. You will be missed by all.

So the last 24 hours have been somewhat of a roller-coaster.

The ones that start really well, anticipation building up when you slowly but definitely get to the top of the first steep plunge of the ride. Yes, well after the plunge, your senses go on overdrive and while screaming “OMFCG Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” and then reverting to “OMG GET ME OUT OF HERE” and then finally settling “THAT WAS AWESOME, I can’t feel my legs”. Well, I think feeling has come back to my legs by now. Thanks, shall we proceed? Yes? Jolly Good!

Firstly, I got home exhausted. Also, had a call from a nice chap in Aussie, the first thing that popped into my mind was “I didn’t think I was worth it” and “it’s so great to have people refer to you by your other name”. God only knows where these rather random thoughts pop up from.

During said exhausted day, I’ve been told by my new place of work that they like my work. I am trying my level best to not be smug about it, but I AM allowed a little smugness right? I’m never smug about stuff and I believe this is one of those things one must be smug about. God, such a lot of smug references, I think I’ve developing a heightened head. Oh well! But seriously, I think being complimented or receiving positive feedback of your work is always a great thing. I know that that certain aspect is something that keeps me going –“a job done well” or even a pat on the back (I meant shoulder, not bum – Geez seriously!!!)

So after what seemed like an exhausting day, I snuggled into bed, contemplated finishing one of my freelance articles, but sadly, it is when my laptop (known as Panix, for the reasons that when it goes to hell, I start to panic like Mt. Vesuvius is erupting – the little bitch LOVES her evil ploys to have me all hot and bothered), obviously had me panicking, as well as hot and bothered. Restarting in intervals of 30 minutes, and with an ever receding time gap, I just threw the towel in and tried to sleep. But did I? Nope. I was up till at least 3am.

Yep, the insomnia is back, and full on I must say. The last few days have been quite an increasing trend – 1am, 2am 3am. I hope I get some sleep tonight. But, anyways, getting back on track, when I did sleep I had somewhat of a nightmare. I realised about half an hour ago, that it is 8 months to the day of a very important day which concerned my ex. I was puzzled the entire day, and now I see that it’s my subconscious telling me that he is INDEED a nightmare and I am in a better place right now, nightmares really give you perspective sometimes, don’t they?  Anyways!

Since Panix and I were not on speaking terms, I decided to be a lazy bum and find some independence from being a slave to the machines. Oh, Happy Independence Day people! Didn’t really feel it was Independence Day though, I didn’t even watch the celebrations. Oh well, I guess since the independence from the LTTE, I think the independence from the British sixty years ago has kind of taken a back seat. Or is it just me?

I managed to bond with my mother. Made an awesome fruit salad, did a bit of gardening, talked about the renovations, did her hair and eventually we talked financials and my future, and at the end of it, I wanted to squeeze her cheeks, but I didn’t because she’s not a fan of the pinchy-cheekiness! Sigh.

Also, apart from not switching the laptop on till 1900 hours, I also put my phone on silent, grabbed a nice book to read – Bridget Jones : Edge of Reason (had me chuckling throughout and left me a wee bit British by the end of it all – I’m thinking with a British accent, I kid you not!), had a wee nap right in the smack of Chapter 8 (I blame it on the full tummy happiness caused by yummy aforementioned fruit salad), and played with Yellow Bird, whilst wishing how great it would be if Zoffy was around too. Love you Zoffykins! Miss you so so much!!!  Sigh!!!! Look at those exclamation marks, you get the gist noh?

So, apart from all of the above, I also bumped into my neighbor. Quite a feat because we manage to avoid each other like nothing. And here I am, praying that Panix doesn’t pull a number on me and fritz its brains out.

So 20 hours of Laptop Detox, a thoroughly refreshing book read, insomnia making its comeback, positive attitude towards life, job front –so far so good, Mummy relations – all clear, nightmares being a bitch, Panix beings a bigger bitch, and Independence Day going by without a care in the world. I think all I’m, missing right now is a chocolate party!

Aaah I feel impending doom coming from Panix. *Threatens with Philips screwdriver* Buahahahaha

PS: Dear John is coming out; this was brought to my attention none other than my lovely Sabby. Based on another great novel by Nicholas Sparks, who also wrote three of my favourite books which were subsequently made into films also my favourites; Walk to Remember, The Notebook and Nights in Rodanthe, we have Dear John, who’s main character is portrayed none other than one of my favourite actors, the oh-so-lovely-handsome-delicious-Greek-Godly Channing Tatum. Behold, the trailer (courtesy of Sabby)

PPS: I have so many unfinished posts it’s not funny. Must get act together, must get working laptop. We shall have CONTINUITY!!! SPAAAAAAAAAAAARTA!

I have always felt that we are born for a reason, for a purpose. In Buddhism, they say that we are born human because we have carried out some good deeds in our past, good karma if you will. I believe that to some extent. I like to think that we have at least done some good somewhere. It makes me feel warm inside.

Getting to my point, what I’m trying to say is that, as good as a motive karma is, we shouldn’t be given an incentive to carry out a good deed. In fact, it should be done because of the goodness of your heart. Whether its saving an animal from harm, helping out wherever you can, giving a free meal, or just being there for a person when in need, those should be done without any malice or incentive. Like DeeCee mentioned in her post, of how TukTuk drivers would help the blind lady cross the street, we need more of that. We really do.

I think we lack that in general, wanting to do good for others. Some may argue that society doesn’t deserve it, as in general they may be selfish. But, there are those few that do, and we should really take that into consideration, that just because a few are of the bunch are rotten, doesn’t make the entire batch a bad one.

I try my level best to do something everyday, something I can live with. Of course I’m not perfect. I try to be nice to everyone I meet, sometimes I get the bad end of the deal. I shrug it off, but I do get upset in the process.  Yet I try.

Maybe we all should at least do one good deed everyday. Just one little thing. Whether it’s giving change to a beggar on the street, helping a woman cross the street, or even giving a friend a shoulder, an ear or a hug, do something. It might not be much, but hey it’s something. Do something, the world is literally going to the dogs. Not the puppy sort, the rabid ones geared to tear you to pieces.