Formspring ME!

1.  Armani shoveling the snow off and warming my car before work this morning.

2.  Tortellini Soup made with love from MOM!

3.  Shark Tank

4.  Getting back into the blog of things

5.  Hearing someone who has tried and put her whole heart into conceiving is PREGNANT!

I began my new job today.  Actually, I am currently “working”.  It is worse than I thought.  It hardens me, breaks me down, and has me question my self-worth.  Can you imagine that?  Perhaps I didnt have any self-worth to begin with and just an exuberant amount of pride.  Considering…

I’m not a stripper.  I’m not selling my vag. I’m not stealing deodorant and body wash from Walgreens to sell at the flea market.

I’m simply working an entry level office assistant position making approximately $25 (if…lets hope) more a week than I did collecting unemployment.  The kicker?  I don’t even receive medical benefits and I am working for a healtchare agency.  HEALTHCARE.

Do I sound pretentious?  Yup.  Am I judgmental?  Sure as f**k.

Let me describe the woman who is training me or attempting to train me, as she doesn’t do a very good job at it.  She is too busy receiving personal cell phone calls from her Pink Motorola that blares an unknown Rhianna ring-tone.

Let me throw some educated guesses out there.

She is a 20-something mother.  I’m guessing single mother.  I do not see a ring but I do see a small picture of a child who looks about 6 years old hanging on the bulletin board above her desk.   She scrunches her hair in the morning probably with a 2010 version of Aqua Net immediately after washing it with VO5 - ala wet Poodle.  She stuffs herself in clothes that are both too small and appropriate for a 16 year old getting ready to hang out at the mall.  She mentioned she has court tomorrow and I am guessing its for a domestic violence case or child support.

Lets talk about the lack of…

I share an office with a woman who hasn’t tried to welcome me what-so-ever.  I kept a warm smile, commented on the temperature, etc.  I received NOTHING in return.  There is no interoffice email.  There is no electronic time clock, its pen to paper!  I kind of feel like how I think the outsourced help in India feel.

It’s that bad.

Perhaps this little ol’ attitude of mine is why I do not have the job of my dreams.

Let me step off my pink glittery soapbox because it is approaching 5 pm and everyone is hustling to get out of here.  This worries me.

someone could tell me how I should be feeling right now.

I’m not sure how I feel right now… I landed myself a shitty ass office assistant position where I will be making LESS than I do on unemployment. I know, its a job.

I felt when I actually got a JOB I would feel excited and I’m not. Nope. A tiny bit? Nada.

I’m sitting here at my 5 year old sister’s dance class where she is warming up to “Poker Face” and I can’t smile or laugh. I feel numb.

Side Note: I want to smack the chit chatty suburban mothers talking catty about others, the neighborhood drink specials, and 1st grade field trips. It really is THAT bad.

Well, I’m off to try and disect my feelings or lack of them.

1. Finding a good deal online and then finding a free shipping code.

2. Buying paper towels and toilet paper in BULK. Less trips to the store for mundane items!

3. The fact that Armani enjoys fixing things

4. Playing Operation and Jenga on Wii with your baby brother, sister, and love.

5. Good pizza

Its just one of those days. Twitter is full of tweets about napping and spending the day in bed. Bacci hasn’t even been too enthused to leave the comfort of bed.

How are you spending this Saturday?

1.  Watching Bacci climb upon a snow pile acting all proud because he is usually a little sissy about his paws touching the snow then falling straight down into the snow.

2.  Armani surprising me by doing ALL of our laundry before I even woke up this morning and even better doing it to my expectations.

3.  Iced Tea made at home

4.  Lotion for my dry winter elbows

5.  Scoring super cheap certificates from Restaurant.com

It’s a never-ending drama series regarding myself and L, my brothers gf of 11 years.

I don’t know how to deal.

I once again went to her to discuss how I was feeling in regards to her remaining or even beginning a friendship with my Ex Best Friend of 15+ years.  They were never FRIENDS before I ended my friendship with my Ex Best Friend.  There were times I had to tell Ex Best Friend to layoff talking shit to L because she knew she could get away with it.  On her 25th birthday she questioned if L stole the money for the bar tab.

I ended my friendship with the Ex Best Friend over 2 years ago.  It wasn’t healthy.  She had hurt me both physically and emotionally in the past.  I wasn’t innocent but the animosity we had for each other was too much to bear.  We were like sisters.  My Dad even took temporary custody of her for a year when we were in high school so she could go to my high school and live with us.

The end of the friendship hurt me.  It still kills me to this day.

What hurts the most?  My brother gf who I have been GOOD GOOD, even BEST friends with for many many years and thought of her as my little sister deciding to remain in contact with this girl against my wishes.  I introduced her to designer jeans, brought her to her first club, and never spoke ill of her.

Well… since the breakup with my EX Best Friend she has continued her “friendship” with her.  The funny thing is they NEVER hung out or bonded before I ended things with my Ex Best Friend.

Tears.  I have spoken to her numerous times asking her to respect me and only remain an acquaintance with the girl.  I told her it was not healthy for me to remain in contact with her and I could never attend something that she was also attending.  It would be a disaster.  On L’s past birthday I received a text inviting me to her birthday with the following wording “My Birthday is at blah blah blah.  You are invited but M is going to be there and if you don’t like it then you don’t have to come”.  This was when I was going through all of the shit with Frappe.  I was devastated.

We didn’t speak for the 7 months and started talking again in early December.  She promised she would put our friendship first and only be of an aquaintence to the Ex Best Friend.

Facebook slaps me in the face.  My manipulative Ex Best Friend begins friending my family and then I hear of things from my family members who added her our of curiosity that I didn’t want to hear.  L chit-chatting about how she could not wait to have tacos, pictures of her at my Ex Best Friend’s birthday, etc.

It hurts.  It kills.

I confronted her yesterday.  I cried.  She laughed.  She blamed me for ruining any friendship she has had in the past that has failed.  She pretty much told me “oh well”.

I’m lost.  I see this girl on a daily basis.  My brother lives with me. She will be my SIL in a few years.

This is by far worse than any breakup I have endured.

Advice?  Words to get through this?

NO, this post does not pertain to any type of baby making for me.  QUIET with that nonsense.  I am finally doing okay, not mentally breaking down that is with the fact that Armani has moved in with me!!!  Yes, indeed I am in my 1st adult relationship and dealing with it one freak-out after another but hey I am dealing with it right?  It also helps that I love every ounce of him with every ounce of my beating heart.

Back to the baby business… Armani’s older sister is expecting her first baby, which is a boy in case that matters.  I was thinking of getting her one of these nursing bracelets which can be found here but then I found a digital reminder thingy which can be found here.

I am torn.  I like how simplistic and sentimental the bracelet is but then the baby care timer looks so much more efficient?

Thoughts?