Here is the first part of a new story - Sophie’s Journey:
It was six o’clock on a Sunday morning – Sophie was having difficulty sleeping again and was in the kitchen with a cup of coffee so as not to disturb her husband, Jamie, who was fast asleep upstairs. It was Boxing Day and the family were coming over. Yet again she was stressed out about how she would manage to organise everything, especially when she had had very little sleep.
She reflected on the past few years. Things had been going well – she had managed to overcome an acrimonious divorce and when she came through it after much suffering she felt stronger and more capable and was proud of her independence.
She had started reading self help books and had built up quite a library. They had become an inspiration and a friend.
Eventually she had met and married a lovely man but things in her life were not going well now. She felt like she was slipping backwards and didn’t know how to stop or move forward.
As she sat at the kitchen table with her head in her hands she asked herself why after all she had read and learnt did she not feel happy and fulfilled. After all she had a good enough relationship, they were comfortable financially and lived in a nice house in a nice area and she was thankful to be employed within the current climate as an office manager.
Reflecting on this, she become aware that both her and Jamie were working 40 plus hours a week and too tired to spend time with each other in the evenings, falling asleep in front of the TV. At weekends there were lots of practical things to catch up on but not much time for fun. They were beginning to argue a lot and she was finding herself becoming increasingly irritable.
Her house was a mess, she was tired all the time, her confidence was low and she dreaded the presentation she had to give at work next week. She felt herself losing control. If only she could get off this circle and feel ok again. After all she had read the books so why wasn’t it working anymore? She was frustrated and annoyed with herself as she knew it was possible to change – all the books said so. But, how?
She thought about all the problems she had:
Being put upon at work
Not having work life balance
Bad communication with her husband, colleagues and friends
Thinking negatively about things
Not being organized
Unable to sleep
The fear of speaking in public
Unable to relax
Feeling worried all the time
Sophie knew she needed help to solve her problems – but whom, where and how?
She knew the answers were out there somewhere. Determined to find out she went to her computer, switched it on, went to google and typed in ‘how to be positive’
At the top of the search results she saw:
Positive Self Development
Positive Self-Development - resources, information and positive psychology for authentic happiness.
Hmm, she thought, ‘What is that?”
This was the start of Sophie’s journey into Positive Psychology. Stay tuned for more soon…
Positive Psychology lists 24 character traits that can contribute to having a positive personality. These are grouped under 6 headings -
Wisdom and knowledge
Courage
Humanity
Justice
Temperance
Transcendence
Wisdom and Knowledge includes creativity, curiosity, open mindedness, love of learning and wisdom. I’ve been looking at creativity this week and asking the question:
Can creative thinking be learnt?
The answer I came to was yes. So how do you learn to think creatively? Where do you start?
On good way is to play games that stimulate creative thinking. Here are some suggestions:
The Good The Bad and the Interesting
You start with a theme, then state what is good about the theme, what is bad about it, and what is interesting.
Here are some examples:
Theme: Disease
Good: Medical doctors make a living out of it and help people get better
Bad: People suffer lots of pain and suffering through disease.
Interesting: The word has tow components Dis and ease. When you have a disease you are not at ease.
Theme: Murder
Good: A great ingredient for a play or novel. Shakespeare loved using murder in his plays.
Bad: Murder causes suffering and pain.
Interesting: Murder helps reduce the population in overcrowded cities.
Theme: Football
Good; Football is a great game to watch with my mates
Bad: Football supporters can be violent.
Interesting: The first balls used in football were made from inflated animal bladders.
The Good Bad Interesting exercise forces you to see different perspectives on an idea. Ideas can be seen as good, as bad or as interesting - and this depends on the particular frame of mind you are coming from.
Word Association
Write down or say a word, then record the first associated word or phrase that comes to mind. For example:
Worm
long a slimy
an unset jelly
wobble
slippert
slipping
down a dark hole
musty
smelly
Emotion Poems
Create a two-lined poem that starts with an emotion. Here are some examples:
Loneliness is a telephone that never rings
Loneliness is sat at a table waiting for a date that never arrives
Happiness is seeing my lover smile
Happiness is walking barefoot in the park.
I turned on the radio news this morning and listened in bed for a while. I was told that today in the United Kingdom it is depressing Monday. A lot of people take the whole period between Christmas and New Year off, which means that today (Monday) is their first day back at work. Their bad mood comes from having to go out in the cold to get back to work that they don’t really want to do.
So I got up, put on my wool hat and thick coat and went for a walk along the canal. Everything was covered in a light layer of white snow. The sun was shining in a blue sky, a few fluffy clouds were drifting slowly, the birds were singing. It was beautiful and I felt so grateful just to be alive in nature, thankful that I could enjoy such beautiful scenery just a few minutes away from my home.
Yesterday I went for lunch with my partner Cath to a Michelin recommended pub and restaurant. Over delicious food we created our vision for Positive Self Development this year. I want to help as many people as possible to experience positive emotions through the practical application of Positive Psychology. And I want this to be fun! When you travel this journey of self discovery you will have a joyous time. Return to this blog regularly to learn more. Find out how you can be involved in this project. I am determined to make Positive Self Development an antidote to all the doom and gloom that is in the news today.
So I returned from my walk and couldn’t wait to start work on developing the Positive Self Development project. I work at something I love doing.
Today is Happy Monday. Today is Positive Monday.
To start the New Year on a positive note download this free book:
Learn the Secret of How to Lead a Happy Life
Download This Free Book Now
Simply fill in your first name and email address and the book will be yours in a matter of minutes.
I spent the last few days of 2008 ill in bed. I now ask myself the question: Can illness be positive?
I accepted that I was ill, allowed my body to fight off the infection and went to bed for a few days. I lay there practicing mindfulness. This meant that I observed myself being ill. I noticed that my internal chatter - the constant flow of thoughts and words that normally race through my mind - was very quiet. Most of the time I was not sleeping, I was not awake, I was somewhere in between. Though there was some pain I stopped labeling the pain as ’suffering’. It was just ’sensation’.
Was this a positive experience? It felt neither positive or negative, my mind somehow detached from it all, floating in a strange bubble of consciousness in which I just allowed it all to happen, knowing that I was in a temporary state, knowing that the illness was not serious and it would pass in its own good time.
Then sometime on New Year’s Day afternoon, the pain left, the illness evaporated. Now I am left with a lack of vitality and must take it easy for a day or two as my body recovers from its battle of fighting the invading infection that attacked my kidneys.
Can illness be positive? What I found was how much I take my body for granted. I reflect on the fact that I don’t exercise enough, and don’t watch my diet well enough. Watching television today I was struck by how many celebrity keep fit and slimming DVD’s are being advertised. After the Christmas excess of eating and drinking, many people must be concentrating on their health. Maybe you are one of those people who make a New Year’s resolution to be slimmer and healthier. One positive resolution I take from all this is to increase my fitness, treat my body better, knowing that I cannot do all the other things in my life well without a fit body. I trust you feel the same.
I am grateful that my body has been strong enough to heal itself without the need to visit a doctor or take drugs apart from some painkillers.
Illness can be positive if positive things are learnt from your illness. Illness detaches you from your everyday routine. You are plucked from your life for a while, then merged back into your life healed, but also somehow changed and renewed, with a new perspective on your life. This is a positive process.
Now, having listened to my body, I cancelled the party I was due to hold this weekend. I will rest and recuperate for a while then pick myself up and walk on!
