Why we love children…
1) NUDITY
 I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang s o she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.
‘It sure is,’ I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’
7) ELDERLY
 While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’
8 ) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’
‘And why not, darling?’
‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.
‘What have you got there, dear?’
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’
NOW IF THIS DIDN’T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND TRY AGAIN.

 There is new evidence that penile crushing is on the rise!  Parents take notice that while your young boy is learning to party train watch out for falling toilet seats.

There’s evidence that crush injuries due to falling toilet seats may be on the rise, Dr. Joe Philip of Leighton Hospital in Crewe and colleagues warn in a letter in BJU (British Journal of Urology) International.

While he and his colleagues typically see just one or two such cases a year, if any, Philip told Reuters Health, they treated four different two to four year old boys with penile crush injuries in the past several months.

“Thankfully all (more…)

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This painting by George Tooker is a pwerful statement about the human cost of bureaucracy.  The human beings are reduced to mere “cases”.  Officials are faceless? Fingers on calculators?  What are your thoughts?

•  Clam Jerky:  If you hate clams this will take you to another level. Think of all the salty seafood chewing goodness next time you need a snack.  We are going to hit new bizarre levels in this one.

•  Musk Lifesavers:  Suposeably they taste like soap and insense.  Well what is musk?  Musk is defined as a penetrating odor obtained from a gland of the male musk deer, which is situated between its stomach and genitals. So what we are talking about is deer sweat lifesavers.

•  Canned Whole Chicken:  A whole chicken in a thick gew stuffed in a can.  I can’t think of anything else to say.  But you can eat it without heating it.

•  Canned Brains in Milk:  Brains in all their creamy goodness in a rich milk gravy.  Toss them up with some eggs.