Praise be to Allaah.

A child can be taught about Allaah in a suitable manner, according to his level of understanding. He can be told that Allaah is One and has no partner. He can be told that He is the Creator of all things, so He is the Creator of the earth, the heavens, people, animals, trees, rivers, etc.

The educator can make the most of some situations by asking the child, whilst walking through a garden or in the countryside, about Who made the water, rivers and things in the natural scenery around him, to draw his attention to the greatness of the Creator.

The father, mother or educators in general may be with a child or group of children in a car on a journey or a trip at the time of sunset, when the sun disappears from sight gradually. All that the educator has to do at that point is to draw the attention of those who are with him to the power of Allaah displayed in that.

A child can also be taught to understand the bounty of Allaah and the blessing of good health that He has bestowed upon him. For example, you could say to him, “Who gave you your hearing, sight and mind? Who gave you strength and the ability to move?” and so on. The child can also be encouraged to love Allaah and to thank Him for this blessing and bounty. Making a child love Allaah and the things that Allaah loves is a good action which will bring educational benefits sooner or later, by Allaah’s Leave.

A mother opened a window on the second floor of the house to let some air in, but her child came and quickly closed it. When his mother asked him why he had done that, he said, “I saw the dish on one of our neighbours’ roofs and I don’t want to look at anything that my Lord does not like.”

A child may ask about his Lord, whether He eats or sleeps. In that case we have to answer and tell him that there is nothing like Allaah, and He is the All-Hearing, All-Seeing; neither slumber nor sleep overtakes Him. Allaah is not like us, He does not need to sleep, eat or drink.

If these meanings are made simple for a child and explained to him in a way that is suited to his age, then the veneration of Allaah in his heart is one of the things that will help him to be aware that Allaah is watching him in secret and in public.

IslamQA

Question: Is it permissible for me to give something to one of my children and not to his brothers? What if that is done for a reason, such as his good attitude or his obeying his parents?

Praise be to Allaah.

The scholars are agreed that it is prescribed in Islam to treat children fairly when it comes to gift-giving; they should not single out one or some of them and not give to others.

Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (5/666): “There is no dispute among the scholars that it is mustahabb to treat children equally and that it is makrooh to differentiate between them.”

But there are differences of opinion concerning the ruling on differentiating between them. The strongest views in terms of evidence are two opinions - and Allaah knows best. These two opinions are:

1 - That it is absolutely haraam to differentiate between them. This is the well known view among the Hanbalis (see Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’, 4/310; al-Insaaf, 7/138). This is also the view of the Zaahiriyyah (i.e., it is the same whether the differentiation is done for a reason or for no reason).

2 - That it is haraam to differentiate between them unless that is for a legitimate shar’i reason. This was narrated from Ahmad (al-Insaaf, 7/139) and was the view favoured by Ibn Qudaamah (al-Mughni, 5/664) and Ibn Taymiyah (Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 31/295).

The evidence quoted by both groups that say that it is haraam to differentiate between one’s children is the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (2586) and Muslim (1623) from al-Nu’maan ibn Basheer, who said that his father brought him to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “I have given this son of mine a slave who used to belong to me.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said,

Have you given a similar gift to all of your children?

He said, “No.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said,

Then take (your gift) back.

According to another version (al-Bukhaari, 2587; Muslim, 1623), al-Nu’maan ibn Basheer said: “My father gave me a gift of some of his wealth, but my mother, ‘Amrah bint Rawaahah, said, ‘I will not approve of it until you ask the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to bear witness to it.’ So my father went to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to ask him to bear witness to the gift. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, ‘Have you done the same for all of your children?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Fear Allaah and treat your children justly.’ So my father came back and took back that gift.”

According to a version narrated by Muslim, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O Basheer, do you have any other children?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Have you given all of them a similar gift?” He said, “No.” He said, “Then do not ask me to bear witness to this, for I do not bear witness to injustice.” The evidence in this hadeeth is clear:

1 - The Prophet commanded justice, and a command implies that it is obligatory.

2 - He explained that showing preference to one child or singling him out to the exclusion of the others is falsehood and injustice, in addition to his refusal to bear witness to it and his commanding him to take back his gift. All of that indicates that differentiating between one’s children is haraam.

They also referred to the evidence of common sense:

Ibn Hajar mentioned in Fath al-Baari (5/214):

Among the evidence of those who say that it is obligatory to treat one’s children equally is the fact that this (differentiating between children) is the first step that may lead to something haraam, because cutting off family ties and disobeying one’s parents are two things which are haraam, so that which leads to them may also be haraam, and differentiating between one’s children is something that may lead to them.

This is supported by something which was mentioned in a version narrated by Muslim (1623): “He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] said, ‘Ask someone else to bear witness to this.’ Then he said: ‘Would you like your children to all honour you equally?’ He said, ‘Of course.’ He said, ‘Then do not do this.’”

Further evidence is the fact that preferring some of them to others generates enmity and hatred between them, and also between them and their parents, so that is not allowed (al-Mughni, 5/664); this meaning is similar to that mentioned above.

Those who favoured the second opinion, that it is permissible to differentiate between one’s children when there is a need, a reason or an excuse, quoted as evidence the hadeeth narrated by Maalik in al-Muwatta’, with his isnaad from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said that Abu Bakr al-Siddeeq had given her as a gift twenty wisq of his wealth, but when he was on his deathbed he said, “By Allaah, O my daughter, there is no one whom I would like to see rich after I die more than you, and there is no one whom it hurts me to see poor after I die than you. I had given you twenty wisq, and if you have already gone and collected them, then they are yours, otherwise whatever I leave is to be divided among all my heirs, who are your two brothers and your two sisters, so divide it amongst yourselves according to the Book of Allaah…”

Ibn Hajar said in al-Fath (5/215): its isnaad is saheeh.

The evidence from this hadeeth, is as Ibn Qudaamah mentioned, “It may be that Abu Bakr gave it only to ‘Aa’ishah because she was in need and was unable to earn a living, even though she enjoyed a unique status as one of the Mothers of the Believers, and other virtues.”

(Adapted from al-Mughni, 5/665)

As justification for Abu Bakr’s action, al-Haafiz said in al-Fath (2/215): ” ‘Urwah said concerning the story of ‘Aa’ishah that her brothers and sisters had agreed to that.”

(Kitaab al-‘Adl bayna al-Awlaad, p. 22 ff)

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said that it is haraam in absolute terms in Ighaathat al-Lahfaan, 1/540. He said: “If there were no clear saheeh Sunnah reports that disallowed that, then by analogy and based on the principles of sharee’ah and its concern for people’s interests and to protect them from evil, it would have to be haraam.”

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) stated that it is absolutely forbidden to show preference to some of one’s children over others, and that it is obligatory to treat them all equally, males and females alike, in accordance with their shares of inheritance, unless they give permission and are adults of sound mind. (al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 3/1115, 1116)

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: it is not permissible for a man to give some of his sons preferential treatment over others, but he may differentiate between males and females, giving the males double what he gives the females, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Fear Allaah and treat your children fairly.” So if he gives one of his sons 100 dirhams, he has to give the other sons 100 dirhams each as well, and give the girls 50 dirhams each, or else take back the money that he gave to the first son. This that we have mentioned is to be applied in cases other than the spending which is obligatory; with regard to obligatory spending, he should give each one whatever he needs. So if it so happens that one of his sons needs to get married, and he gets him married and gives him the mahr because the son is not able to pay the mahr, then in this case he does not have to give all the other sons the same as he gave to the one who needed to get married, because getting one’s children married is part of spending on them.

Here I want to draw attention to something that some people do out of ignorance, which is when a man has sons who have reached marriageable age, he gets them married, and he has other children who are still small, he makes a will saying that in the event of his death, they should be given money equal to that which was spent on the adult children. This is haraam and is not permissible because this will is a will that gives something to an heir, and willing something to an heir is haraam, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has given everyone his due, so there is no will for an heir.” (This version narrated by Abu Dawood, 3565; al-Tirmidhi, 2/16 and others. The isnaad of this version was classed as hasan by al-Albaani, and the version “There is no will for an heir” was classed as saheeh in al-Irwa’, 6/87). So if he says, “I am leaving this money for them in my will because I got their brothers married for a similar amount,” we say that if these young children reach marriageable age before you die, then get them married for the same amount of money as you got their brothers married, but if they do not reach that age (before you die) then you do not have to get them married.

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/30.

Fatwa No. 22169

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

The Religion of Islam is a complete way of life. There are even dua for entering and exiting the toilet. We should teach these duas to our children as it is an easy way to earn rewards and remember Allah. If you think it’s required, download this dua from the below link and put it near your child’s bed so they are reminded to say it.

Download Printable Version Here

The birth of a first child can have a major impact on a couple’s relationship. Here are some tips to help with your transition from partner to parent.

• Make regular time to talk to one another about how you both feel.
• Recognise that the woman giving birth must deal with sometimes difficult and dramatic changes to her body, relationships and lifestyle.
• Be Patient with each other. Allah loves those who are patient.
• Acknowledge that the woman’s partner is often faced with new and challenging emotional, physical and economic demands.
• As with everything, make dua to Allah for help.
• Plan ways to make one another feel appreciated and cared for, both during the pregnancy and after the baby is born.
• Be realistic. There’s no doubt that, for a while, your relationship will have to take second place as you both make room in your relationship for the child.
• Try to anticipate argument ‘hot spots’ after the birth - sex, money, housework, in-laws - and talk about how you’ll handle differences.
• Talk about the change in financial balance if one of you plans to give up work and how you’ll manage your different attitudes to money.
• If you’ve got high standards about housework, loosen up.
• Expect that there’ll be changes in your sexual relationship - especially after the birth. Be patient with one another’s flagging libido.
• Practise accepting help and start asking for it. You’ll find it’s the little things that friends and relatives do that can make the transition a whole lot easier.

Life is miserable for those children who have to deal with parents who are constantly negative. Such parents do not forget mistakes, harp on small issues, and are always predicting the worst.

• “You are not studying hard, you are bound to fail”
• “Your room is such a mess, I wonder how sloppy your house will be when you grow up”
• “Stop troubling your younger sister, you have no love for her at all”

The Above are examples of negative and perhaps destructive comments. A parent may sometimes say such things in anger, but it is the constant repetition of negative comments that affect a child greatly.

A happy home is one in which children know that they will be disciplined when necessary, but do not have to fear a sharp tongue or harsh words.

Some parents also have a very negative attitude on life. They complain of their work, and the people they work with. They blame the world for their troubles and are quick to talk negatively about others. All this is undoubtedly going to have an effect on the child. A child who has heard a lot about how unfair and difficult life is may form a dim view of life in this world. His enthusiasm for life decreases.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught us how to view our life and to be optimistic and hopeful:

“How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.” [Muslim]

A great deal of a child’s joy and zest for living stems from what his parents think and say about life. It is always necessary to avoid being too negative when talking in front of children.

Some parents believe that to love children means to do their work. They take excessive pity on the child and feel that as a parent it is their duty to do things for him. So at six years old a child is still be dressed by the parents. He is considered too young to tie his own shoes, or comb his hair. Such constant fussing over the child does not instill confidence and independence in the child. Rather it is selfish and irresponsible for a parent to allow their child to excessively depend on them.

A ten year old who never cleans his room, and lets mum or dad do it, will learn to always depend on others. This may also foster laziness, sloppiness and a lack of initiative. This problem seems to occur more with male children.

We need to understand as Muslim parents that we are raising the people that will lead the Ummah in the future. We don’t want to raise our children to be “mummy’s boys” or spoilt brats.

A wise parent knows that the best way to help a child is not do things for him, but to show him how to do them. Learning the skills of carrying out personal and household chores are an achievement often appreciated during the early years. A child who is not taught to do them when young, will be very unwilling to do them when older. Parents should help their children learn to do their own work, using the physical and mental powers that Almighty Allah has blessed them with.

Most parents view playing as a waste of time. They would like a child to grow out of the love for playing and get into more serious things like studies, research, or even household chores. It seems more like a childish behavior that must be tolerated, and the sooner it is over the better. However Islam is a balanced religion. Play is an important part of growing up, and is vital for the physical and emotional development of the child. Play is the first source of learning basic social skills necessary for life.

A child loves to play, and it is a form of punishment for the child to be deprived of playtime. This desire to play, anywhere and with anything, is most evident in the early years. It is a sign of emotional and physical health. A child who does not wish to play should be a source of concern.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) would play with his grandsons. He would seat them on his back, and pretend to be a camel. He told his companions that he was proud of the two riders on his back. He taught us that to play with children is not a waste of time. It is an expression of love and respect.

As parents, we should try and play with our children sometimes. Some parents believe it is childish and stooping to a low level. It is a great joy for children when their parents play with them. As the child grows, sports and board games could be a chance for the family to play together. This binds the family closer. But parents should remember that this play is for the sake of the child, not for themselves. They should not seek to have everything according to what they think is right. A little flexibility is recommended.

They should also let the child gain some small victories so that he does not despair whenever he plays with his parents. Playing with children is a good way of getting to know the child and his temperaments. It should not however be turned against him with taunts and scoldings.

Here are some quick don’ts in religious training.

Don’t do it harshly. Getting angry with the child and forcing them leads to resentment. It is better to explain, and discuss with the child.

Don’t overdo it. Teach religion in moderate doses. Overdoing it can be harmful and can be a burden for a child. A young child, for example, should not be made to recite a lot of duas and mustahab prayers if he is unwilling.

Don’t teach Islam to show off. Children should not be taught to be religious so parents can be proud of them in the community.

Don’t make Islam a burden. Some parents believe that Islam is too difficult. Although they practice it, they pass on the feeling that to them hijab, fasting, and other such rules are really a great burden. This will discourage the child.

Amongst the clearest examples of Islam’s honoring women is the great status of the mother in Islam. Islam commands kindness, respect and obedience to parents. Islam raises parents to a status greater than that found in any other religion or ideology. Below are a few words about a mothers love for her child.

Mother’s love is countless and meaningful. Her kindness is hardly repaid by any precious things in this world. Her deep parental kindness in bringing us up and the hardships she has gone through will never be repaid as they are priceless.

Allah has created Women to have deep love for her children. Whether young or old, healthy or handicapped, troublesome or obedient, the child is still beloved to the mother. This love may be displayed in various forms.

Sometimes children misinterpret scoldings and rebukes to be a sign of lack of love. It is important to assure the child that he is always loved, even when their behavior warrants disciplinary measures. Such a child becomes confident and happy, and will never seek solace elsewhere. The love of the mother becomes a source of happiness and peace at home. Children feel attached to the home because of the mother.

We should teach this dua to our children inshaAllah. What better way is there to start the day than by remembering Allah, Most High? If you think it’s required, download this dua from the below link and put it near your childs bed so they are reminded to say it.

Download Printable Version Here

This eBook is authored by Imaam Muhammad bin Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (May Allah be pleased with him).

Download or view here

This book is authored by Shaykh AbdusSalaam Burjis Aal- AbdulKareem. It is a much needed explanation, advice and reminder concerning the importance of the family in Islam.

Download or view here

This book is a complete translation of the concise booklet “Fildhaat-ul-Abbaak huqooq-ul-Awladd”. Although small in size, this booklet present the readers with a valuable discussion on some of the rights and privileges of children, which parents are obligated to fulfil.