• euphoric feelings
• memory lapse /dizziness and/or headache
  
• lowered inhibitions
• increased libido
• drowsiness/or sleep
• slowing down of heart rate and blood pressure and lowered body temperature
  
• diarrhea/ and urinary incontinence
• nausea

• dizziness
• vomiting
• tremors
• loss of coordination (ataxia)/ seizures
• confusion, irritation and agitation/ tunnel vision
• hallucinations
• blackouts and memory lapses
• coma
• respiratory arrest (stop breathing) and death

It takes and requires patience for any new idea to become integrated effectively into an existing situation. To be involved in parent coaching means you will do some serious self-evaluation.

You will look at everything you have been through. In order to enhance the positive outcome you want for your adolescent you need to do something valuable, besides just having them in their program. You have to get into much better self alignment - emotionally, personally, physically, and spiritually. Living the life you have been living with your teen is no longer an option.

During weekly sessions over several months, parent coaching keeps you focused on achieving new goals. While in their residential or wilderness program, your adolescent is having emphasized their development, purpose, values and how to become more aligned to create a better future. That is exactly what parents also need.

What coaching is and isn't

Coaching is not:

• A replacement for clinical care or primary treatment
  
• A substitute for or the equivalent of "a companion"
• About affirmations, empty comments, or positive thinking
• Therapy. Well-trained coaches are very aware of the line between coaching and therapy and are careful to honor that line at all times

• A healthy,intentional process and relationship. A well-trained coach stays intently focused on what the parent wants and helps the parent identify their own agenda and stick to it. Coaching is not about what the coach thinks is best for the parent. While the coach may educate the parent and offer ideas, giving direct advice is not the intention.
  
• Based on accountability and action. The parent coach supports the client in envisioning a positive future and then quickly getting into action to create that future. The coach's intention is also to hold the parent accountable for follow-through without blaming, judging or shaming the parent when not every goal is achieved.
  
• Best used for a defined period of time. Unlike working with a life coach where an individual may participate for an undetermined period of time, or clinical therapy that might need to continue for several years to be effective, the action-oriented nature of parent coaching means that it rarely continues for more than a year and is often needed only for a few sessions for a few months.
  
• Effective only when an individual is "ready." Unlike residential treatment or wilderness therapy in all their various forms, parent coaching is useful only when a parent is truly ready. This means that the parent is ready to be on a solid path toward a goal, does not want to spend all their time with "past" issues searching for blame, and has the energy and time to devote to mapping out a new path. The parent must be in the position to put energy toward creating a positive future while also maintaining a focus on their teens residential or wilderness program. Assessments and questionnaires are used to assess a parent's individual readiness to engage in parent coaching.
• Focused on the present and the future. While an understanding of the parent's past is important, the parent coaching process is intended to assist the parent envision a positive present and a positive future. For some parents this means crafting a comprehensive "plan". For others, parent coaching is focused on specific themes, gaps in family relations and/or family development, or how to navigate effectively the re-entry into a relationship with their adolescent during and following their residential and/or therapeutic residential treatment program.
  

There are currently many different kinds of coaches (athletic, food, health, life) all across the United States.

Dore Frances, M.A., specializes in parent coaching for those who have an adolescent in a residential or wilderness program. Dore has stood in the shoes of being a parent who had a teen in residential treatment, as well as continues to achieve additional training on an ongoing basis for parents who have an adolescent in a residential treatment or wilderness program.

Dore Frances offers parent coaching all across the country.

Parent coaching is a very important part of the development of the outcome for a teen in treatment. Parent coaching is effective with parents who have an adolescent in residential treatment or in a wilderness program because it creates an intimate space for them to show up and be purposeful and accountable, just like their teen is learning to do in their program.

The intention is to assist in having your spirit flourish - instead of staying in the splintered aspects of an old life that will not be healthy for your teen in which to return.

When Megan began dating Nate, all of her friends were envious.Nate was athletic, funny, sensitive, smart, and very good-looking. For the first couple of months, Megan seemed very happy.

She started to miss her friends and family, though, because she was spending more and more time with Nate and his friends and less time with everyone else she knew. That actually seemed easier than dealing with Nate's endless questions and calls as well as late night texting. Nate worried about what Megan was doing at every moment of the day and night every day of the week.

Raising adolescents can be extremely frustrating at times. Although there is no magic spell that will make teens act differently, you can achieve the same drastic change by learning how to deal with and approach your teenager in order to get the results you want. By knowing what moves and motivates your teen, you will end your frustration and start to build a mutually supportive and respectful relationship with your teenager - and still be in charge.

• Compulsivity, that is, loss of the ability to choose freely whether to stop or to continue.
  
  
• Continuation of the behavior despite adverse consequences, such as loss of health, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, poor school or job performance and compromised relationships.
  
  
• Obsession - the addict is obsessed with their addiction and generally places more importance on the addiction than they do on other areas of their lives.

1. Frequent engaging in a behavior to a greater extent or over a longer period than intended
   
   
2. Persistent desire for the behavior or one or more unsuccessful efforts to reduce or control the behavior
   
   
3. Much time spent in activities necessary for the behavior, engaging in the behavior. or recovering from its effects
   
   
4. Frequent preoccupation with the behavior or preparatory activities
   
   
5. Frequent engaging in the behavior when expected to fulfill occupational, academic, domestic, or social obligations
   
   
6. Giving up or limiting important social, occupational, or recreational activities because of the behavior
   
   
7. Continuation of the behavior despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent social, financial, psychological, or physical problem that is caused or exacerbated by the behavior
   
   
8. Need to increase the intensity or frequency of the behavior to achieve the desired effect, or diminished effect with continued behavior of the same intensity
   
   
9. Restlessness or irritability if unable to engage in the behavior

"Adventure wilderness therapy is the use of adventure-based activities and/or adventure-based theory to provide people with emotional and/or behavioral problems with experiences which lead to positive change in their lives."

Parents often struggle with the decision to send their child to a wilderness program. Taking the big step of enrolling a child into a wilderness program is uncomfortable for both parents and teens alike. Most parents are terrified of enrolling their teen into a wilderness program. They do not like the idea of separating from their child, even for a month or so. They particularly worry about safety issues. When an adolescent is involved in high risk behaviors such as drug abuse, drunk driving, or running away they are definitely safer in a wilderness program.

Nevertheless, parents worry. Often parents have to feel real desperation before they enroll their children. Out in the wilderness with constant feedback from their counselors, students learn new, more positive behaviors. Wilderness therapy - the process of removing troubled teens from their "emotional comfort zone" by asking them to live in a wilderness setting - is now recognized as one of the single most effective treatment solutions for struggling adolescents.

By teaching teens to care for themselves and to take responsibility for their personal well-being, wilderness therapy helps participants develop the skills they need to think more insightfully, realistically assess their abilities, improve their communication skills and practice healthy behavioral habits. They stress assertiveness, open communication between staff and students, and are very group-oriented. Some programs which advertise as "wilderness therapy" are actually boot camps in a wilderness environment.

(I personallty do not endorse sending a child to a boot camp).

Boot camps can sometimes be distinguished from other wilderness therapy by promising behavior modification for troubled teens, but it is hard to tell just from the ads.

Often one of the major differences between boot camps and wilderness therapy is the underlying philosophical assumptions - wilderness therapy being driven by the philosophy of experiential education and theories of psychology and boot camps being informed by a very strict and sometimes punitive military model.

Additionally most wilderness therapy programs have highly trained clinical staff either on the expedition or in active and ongoing consultation with the team. Boot camps may have no clinically trained staff working in the programs. Staff are often from a correctional or military background. As in any type of treatment program, abusive situations have been reported and accidental deaths have taken place in some of these programs, although compared with similar outdoor adventure activities deaths are extremely rare. Many teens in wilderness programs report the experience as being positive, beneficial, and enjoyable. They learn independence, patience, assertiveness, self-reliance, and maturity. After a wilderness therapy program, students may return home or may be recommended for a therapeutic boarding school or an intensive residential treatment center. Parents and teens considering wilderness therapy programs should check them out thoroughly first, or engage in the services of an educational consultant, and be sure the program is a reputable one which does not use abusive techniques.

A few wilderness programs have JCAHO Council on Accreditation, and/or Association for Experiential Education accreditation, which requires thorough inspections to ensure the quality of the intervention and safety of services.

After Benecia County father Ron B. and his wife decided to send their daughter to a residential program, they started doing research on the dozens of choices they found. They gained impressions of the schools they looked at on the Internet-but weren't sure their perceptions were right. They decided to call in a professional, an education consultant knowledgeable about residential programs, to help them navigate the process in what seemed like a tricky decision. "She was a good sounding board," Ron says of the consultant his family hired. "Even though we learned a lot on our own, it was helpful to talk with someone who knew the schools and could give us insights that we couldn't get from reading a brochure or looking at their website." Educational consultants have been around for decades to advise parents on where their children should go to high school and college. Now increasing numbers of families are turning to these experts to help them find the right therapeutic program or specialized boarding school.

These consultants offer a range of advice and services. They provide insight into the character, mission, and environment of schools; and help families determine which schools are the best match for their adolescent.

After all, who doesn't want their kid to have the best shot at life?

One Colorado mother says that soon after her son started a therapeutic boarding school last summer, two different parents asked her which consultant she had used: "I thought, 'consultant? Was I supposed to use a consultant?' " A growing number of parents think so.

The number of educational consultants working with wilderness programs, addiction treatment centers and boarding schools, just to name a few, has been increasing at a very steep rate over the last five to seven years. Some of the parents interviewed for this story, worried about how their use of an educational consultant would be perceived by others in their community, church and even within their own family, and agreed to talk only if their names were not used.

However, consultants say families thinking about clinical boarding schools need to approach the decision as they would any other major family or household issue.

One Connecticut mother who has twins in an eating disorder program, thought she and her husband, both clinicians, could easily manage the search process. But the mother says she discovered a "whole subculture" to the Internet scene for which she and her husband felt unprepared. She believes it would have been shortsighted to invest in this type of specialized treatment for their twins - the tuition and emotional investment - without spending a comparatively small amount to get expert advice. The process can, in fact, be daunting.

Some schools require student testing prior to admissions or a wilderness therapy program.

"I was feeling overwhelmed at the thought of scheduling all the school visits in order to make a decision, and the fact that my daughter had to go through testing and a wilderness program," says a Delaware father of a fourteen-year-old girl who hired a consultant a year ago. The consultant shocked him by advising that his daughter would be out of state. "She told us not to even bother looking in our state because our daughter was such a high risk runner and very street smart," says the Delaware dad. He followed the consultant's advice. A Florida couple turned to a consultant after making what they felt was a bad decision on their own.

They had paid the first four month's tuition at a Christian Boarding School and attended a new-parent seminar when they started feeling the school they'd selected for their then-fourteen-year-old son was somehow wrong. They hired a consultant to help them sort out what it was they were looking for.

"Talking with our consultant helped us to organize our thoughts and listen to our hearts to hear the common threads that kept coming up again and again - a therapeutic Christian education - disciplined structure - a solid Christian based program," said the mother. Before the end of the first month, they moved their son to another program in another state.

Their son has been successful and the parents attribute that success to the focus on the guidance they received. Consultants-good ones-can guide families to programs and schools that are right for them.

Consultants, like emotional growth programs and residential schools, aren't cheap. Prices depend on the consultant and the services chosen. A general one-time consult that lasts at least two hours can cost several hundred dollars. An ongoing relationship that involves compiling information for several choices and following up with programs and schools after the adolescent has been admitted can cost several thousand dollars. It a teen is involved in the juvenile justice system, it can be even more. Even if parents hire an educational consultant, they should not put the ultimate decision in that person's hands.

"The recommendations can't compare with the first-person experience parents gain by visiting each recommended program or school personally, whenever possible."

What To Look For in a Consultant

Not all consultants are alike in their approach and passion for working with at-risk adolescents.

Like programs and schools, each has her or his own attitude, dedication and quality of work about the process. When looking for a consultant, ask questions that go beyond educational background. Find out how much time a consultant spends traveling to visit programs and schools. How long have they been an educational consultant? What did they do before? Here are other ways to help find a consultant who is qualified and will work well with your family:

• Spend five to ten minutes on the phone with each consultant you're considering to get a sense of whether they share your approach to the process.
• Ask about the consultants background and other areas of expertise. An educational consultant doesn't need any particular education, training, or licensing to hang out a shingle. Ask what professional associations they belong to and always ask for references.
• Find out how often they visit programs and schools and in which states. Ask if they have visited the program you're considering and when was the last time they visited. It's a good question to ask because schools' curricula can change from year to year. By keeping current on schools, consultants can provide insights that parents don't always get from a website, brochure or a chat with the school's director.
• Ask how they stay current on trends and research in education and other areas that may pertain to your adolescent (ADD/ADHD, eating disorders, learning disabilities, mood disorders, etc.)
• Ask how often they work with adolescents the same age as your adolescent and with the same needs.
• Find out if they provide both one-time and ongoing consultation services. What comes with each type of arrangement, and what will it cost?

Most adults can remember a time when they were teased at school. This teasing could have been friendly or mean-spirited. Teachers, parents and therapists have become more concerned about teasing that leads to bullying. According to recent studies, between 20-40% of U.S. teenagers report being bullied three or more times during the past year. Between 7-15% report bullying others three or more times during the past year.

Some people argue that bullying has increased dramatically in the last 20 years due to changes in society, families, and schools. Others say bullying is no more common now than it was in the past.

They suggest that the difference today is that school staff and parents are taking bullying more seriously. In the past, it may have been overlooked. Regardless of its history, with one in three teens affected, bullying is considered a major problem today.

Bullying Defined

Bullying is a way to dominate another person through behavior. It is usually defined as ongoing physical or verbal harassment between two people that have an imbalance of power. Those who bully use physical, verbal, and emotional or psychological methods to humiliate, embarrass, or overpower someone. Bullying typically includes:

• Kicking, hitting, pushing, spitting, or other forms of physical abuse
• Taunting, teasing, name-calling, saying mean things, or deliberately isolating someone
• Spreading rumors, telling lies, or deliberately setting up someone to get in trouble
• Taking or stealing things from someone
• Forcing or pressuring someone to do something he or she doesn't want to do
• Sexually harassing someone in any way

Characteristics of Bullies

Compared to Non-Bullying Teens, Bullies tend to:

• Have difficulty accepting criticism
• Think too highly of themselves
• Have the need to be the center of attention
• Be more likely to drink alcohol and use drugs excessively
• Be at greater risk of being victimized themselves (about 50% of bullies are also victims at some point)
• Be at higher risk for mental health problems such as conduct disorder and attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder
• Be more likely to be antisocial in adulthood
• Be more likely to use violence in relationships
• Be more likely to get in trouble with the law

Compared to Non-Bullied Teens, Victims tend to:

• Be at higher risk for mental and physical health problems such as depression, stomachaches, and headaches
• Be absent from school more frequently because of bullying
• Continue to experience higher levels of anxiety through adulthood
• Have low self-worth
• Feel that control of their lives rests with someone else

How to Help

• Teach teens that violence is never an acceptable way to solve problems or to get attention from others. Set a good example of peaceful communication during times of conflict. Remember that young people model what they see.
• Encourage teens to use words to solve problems, both with their friends and when seeking help from adults. Praise them when they use these skills.
• Ensure that everyone knows what bullying is. Many times bullying behavior continues simply because adults and teens aren't sure what bullying is. Be clear about rules and consequences-at home, at school, and at activities. Let teens know what's okay and what's not, and what will happen when they break the rules.
• Encourage by-standers, both youth and adult, to intervene in a peaceful way. By not helping, by-standers are condoning the behavior.
• Know your teen's friends and those friends' parents. When trouble starts, talk non-defensively with other parents to help find ways to ease the problem. Stress that you are wanting to do what's best for both teens.
• Talk with teens who are being bullied about what they think could be the problem. What coping skills have and haven't worked in the past? Give them the skills they need to first solve the problem on their own. Help them practice being assertive by insisting that the bully leave them alone. Teach them how to walk away. Teach them how to ignore the behavior.
• When your teen is bullying others, he or she needs support to learn other ways to handle anger. Your teen also needs to know that this behavior will not be tolerated. Talk with teachers, school counselors, or the teen's physician to find out how to address the problem before it gets worse. Many schools have peer mediation available.

Your teen does homework on time, helps you clear the table after dinner, and even helps with housework on the weekends. So can it be true that this same child is stealing? Before you do anything, it helps to know a little about why teens steal.

Why Teens Steal

Kids of all ages - from preschoolers to teens - can be tempted to steal for different reasons:

• Very young children sometimes take things they want without understanding that things cost money and that it's wrong to take something without paying for it.
• Elementary school children usually know they're not supposed to take something without paying, but they may take it anyway because they lack enough self-control.
  
• Preteens and teens know they're not supposed to steal, but they may steal for the thrill of it or because their friends are doing it. Some might believe they can get away with it. As they're given more control over their lives, some teens may steal as a way of rebelling.

And there may be more complex reasons why some teens steal. They may be angry or want attention.

Their behavior may reflect stressful problems they're having at home, at school, or with friends.

In other cases, teens might steal because they can't afford to pay for what they need or want - for example, they may steal to get popular name-brand items. In some cases, they may take things to support drug habits. Whatever the reason for stealing, parents need to find out the root of the behavior and address other underlying problems, like drug abuse, that may surface.

What Do You Need To Do?

When a teen has been caught stealing, a parent's reaction needs to depend on whether it's the first time or there's a pattern of stealing. With very young children, parents need to help them understand that stealing is inappropriate behavior - that when you take something without asking or paying for it, it hurts someone else and it hurts their own internal spirit. If a preschooler takes a piece of candy, for instance, parents can help the child return the item. If the child has already eaten the candy, parents can take the child back to the store to apologize and pay for it. With school-age children, too, it's important to return the stolen item. By the first and second grades, kids need to know stealing is not appropriate behavior. But they may need a better understanding of the consequences.

When teens steal, it's recommended that parents follow through with consequences. For example, when a teen is caught stealing, the parent can take the child back to the store and meet with the security department and have the teen explain what made them steal and then apologize for what happened. This is not an opportunity to embarrass or humiliate the teen. That actually can make a negative everlasting lesson on stealing. If it's a first-time offense, some stores and businesses may accept a teen's apology and may not necessarily press charges. However, some stores may press charges the first time around. And there's often little sympathy for repeat offenders. Children of all ages need to know that shoplifting isn't just about taking things from a store - it's taking money from the people who run the businesses. They should need to know that stealing is a crime and can lead to consequences far worse than being grounded, including juvenile detention centers. If a child steals money from a parent, the child needs to be offered options for paying back the money, like doing extra chores around the house. It's important, however, that a parent doesn't bait the child by leaving out money, in the hopes of catching the child in the act. That could damage the sense of trust between a parent and child.

When Your Teen Keeps Stealing

If your teen has stolen on more than one occasion, you may consider getting professional help.

Repeat offenses may indicate a bigger problem. One third of juveniles who've been caught shoplifting say it's difficult for them to quit. So, it's important to help teens understand why stealing is inappropriate and that they may face serious consequences if they continue to steal. Others who may be able to talk to you and/or your teen about the problem and help you address it include a:

• family therapist or counselor
• family doctor (who may be able to refer you to a family therapist or counselor)
• minister, priest, or rabbi
• school counselor (especially if your child is stealing from the school)
• support group, such as the National Association for Shoplifting Prevention which may be able to provide information or help (look in your phone book for groups in your area)

Although ordinary acts of theft or shoplifting can be deliberate, motivated by a need, a desire, peer pressure, or rebellion, in extremely rare cases, a person who steals may have kleptomania. With this disorder, which makes up a very small portion of all shoplifting cases, a person repeatedly fails to resist impulses to steal, even though the stolen object is of little value. Individuals with kleptomania often discard the objects after stealing them and also have other personality or eating disorders.

Whatever the underlying cause, if stealing is becoming a habit with your teen, you may want to speak with a doctor or therapist to get to the cause of the behavior.

Nothing will change until this is accomplished.

www.guidingteens.com

www.troubledteenhelp.com