Description:
You''ll find a new feature on Navigating Life''s main website: a free personality test.. I don''t know how it''s going to happen...Posted by Niki.. Stop Feeling Defensive and Reflect..... A fable about holding on.....
Contents:
You'll find a new feature on Navigating Life's main website: a free personality test
I've gotten tired of the free personality tests offered on so many websites.
They either lead you on by letting you answer the questions and then ask for payments or memberships before they'll send you the results, or they barrage you with so many advertisements before you get to the actual test that you begin to wonder if the advertisements are part of the test.
My solution? I wrote a personality test of my own. I've worked to make it accurate, easy, fun and informative. It's ready for testing. I call it "Navigating Life's Two Question Personality Test." Please let me know what you think.
You will find it on Navigating Life's main website, in the galley. Or you can simply click on this link. My only request is that if you enjoy the test, please pass the link on to any friends that you think might enjoy it as well.
I don't know how it's going to happen...Posted by Niki
I don't know how it's going to happen. But what I need to figure out is how to stay in L.A. I have a wedding to go to in August, in Hawaii. I'm from Hawaii; I'm attending my brother's wedding. Sounds amazing right? But before I leave, I need to make at the very least two thousand dollars to insure my staying in LA. Sounds easy enough...
However, with only an Arts Associates degree, I've been stuck working at Blockbuster, spending eight hours of my time for only eight fifty per hour--student loans ringing in my ears.
I don't know why I am writing this...
I am just a little paranoid that I won't be able to make enough to support myself and stay in L.A. If I don't find way to support myself, I will be stuck in Hawai`i. I know what you're going to say. "You will be STUCK in Hawaii? I wish that I could be stuck in Hawaii!" Don't get me wrong, Hawaii is my home, and I love it. However, Hawaii can't help me accomplish my dreams...
Okay...So I guess I don't really have a question to ask. If I did, my question would be, how to be independent in life. Yet, I already have the answer, a very blunt "Shut up! And do what you gotta do! Everyone has to go through trials; it's called growing up..." That voice comes into the back of my mind when I start getting paranoid and worried about how to accomplish my dreams...
Then I watch a movie about living life rather than pursuing a career, and I wonder, "Is the career I am chasing really worth it when I know that I have Hawaii anytime I want; I can grow old, fat and happy? I don't know. I turned twenty and the questions to life, I so want answered now, seem to be taking forever...
Stop Feeling Defensive and Reflect...
I often ask my clients to listen to reality television and talk shows featuring troubled relationships. I like them to listen carefully to what people are saying, using a principle called reflection. This principle simply states that what people think, see, and say about others reflects their personal and sometimes limiting belief systems. In other words, what people say about others, says everything about them.
We all have belief systems; habitual patters of thought and behavior that color our actions and in inform our world. Many problems, both personal and communal, can be traced to limiting and/or conflicting belief systems. Clients can only improve their lives after they have become aware of any limiting belief systems and learned to expand them. Unfortunately, most people are so attached to their beliefs that they can't really see past them, let alone question them. While teaching this principle to my clients, I find that nearly all of them immediate see its significance, but few actively use it on themselves and it can be dangerous for them to use it on their relationships until they have done so. Hence, I have come up with a way for them to practice safely, using reality television.
Following my own advice, I recently watched a talk show featuring a family of five. The children and father had "turned in" their mother for perfectionism. They wanted her to "loosen-up" a little and not be so "militant" with the house keeping. The show played a tape of a typical morning, wherein the son was made to remake his bed twice in order to meet his mom's high standards and each pillow had to be placed and fluffed "just so." When asked about her behavior the mother declared, "I'm just trying to show my kids that there is a right way of doing things...I want them to get used to what it's like in the real world...there is always somebody looking over your shoulder."
Wow, this woman believes that there is only one right way of doing things. This woman always feels that someone is looking over her shoulder. This woman never questions what she perceives to be the real world. No wonder she is driving her family and herself crazy. I'd go crazy too if I lived in a world where there was only one right way of doing things, and somebody was always looking over my shoulder. Reflection makes so many troubling perspectives clear.
How can you use reflection to clarify your life?
The next time you feel upset by what someone says about you, remember that what people say about you is never an accurate reflection of you. What people say about you is really a reflection of them. When people complain about you, they are really saying something about who they are and what they believe. Their words are clues to the struggles that they are having inside. So instead of just hearing the words that others use and instantly feeling defensive, you should try to listen to the messages behind their words. When you understand what others believe and intend, you can act upon their intentions with understanding. In fact, once you truly incorporate this principle into your belief system, you will no longer get defensive because you will know that people are never talking about you; words invariably reflect more about the speaker than the one spoken of.
And whenever you are frustrated with someone else, remember that any frustration you feel is usually a reflection of something lost inside of you, something that wants to be made whole. Make yourself whole, and the frustration goes away. Follow this rule, and you will actually begin to see life's frustrations as divine gifts designed to help you understand yourself. In other words, listen to what you say about others. What you say about others says everything about you...
A fable about holding on...
Once upon a time, there were three little eggs in a nest. The biggest egg hatched first. Out of the shell struggled a chick full of determination and drive. Within minutes of his hatching, this brave little chick was already flexing his wings, looking forward to the great day of his first flight. All night he worked hard, pumping his wings so that by the time his two siblings hatched a day later, he was by far the strongest of the three. His determination never left him. While the other two exercised, he exercised. While the other two basked, he exercised. While the other two played, he exercised. Soon his wings were full grown and strong, so he was quite surprised when his middle brother flew off before him and never returned to the nest. “How is it that my brother can fly away, but I can’t? My wings are every bit as strong as his. Indeed my wings are stronger than his.”
He became more determined to fly than ever. While his youngest brother exercised, he exercised. While his youngest brother basked, he exercised. While his youngest brother played, he exercised. While his youngest brother slept, he exercised! His wings became even more glorious, bright and strong. "Surely any minute," he thought to himself, "I will fly." Yet, try as he might, he could not gain height.
He was dumfounded when the next day his youngest brother rose into the air and flew away before him. He might have stayed in that nest flexing his wings until the end of his life, had his youngest sibling not taken pity and returned with some parting advice. “Your wings are strong. They will take you far, but first you have to let go of the nest.”
Too often we have the tools we need to take flight, but we fail to launch because our fears keep us clinging to what we know...
Something to consider if people don't always listen to you...
Whenever people discover that I teach classes in effective listening, they immediately joke about signing up their spouses, their kids, their co-workers and their bosses. They hardly ever suggest signing up themselves; however, the principles of effective listening suggest that when people complain about others not listening to them, they've probably not been listening very effectively to others. And I bet that you can guess how many people welcome that idea when it's brought to their attention.
Communication is circular. We usually send a message because we're hoping for a certain response. But too often we don't consider how our messages must be sent to insure that we get our desired response. We just start talking, and then we get frustrated whenever people don't react as we'd like. We fail to say what we mean, and then we fight over whatever we said. We can listen to people so long as we agree with them; but the moment we disagree, we stop listening and start defending our perspective. However, effective communication is not about agreeing; it's about understanding.
The word communication is derived from the Latin word for "common." In other words, communication is the ability to bring separate minds together in a common understanding. Whenever we sincerely communicate with people, we create rapport. What is rapport? The dictionary defines it as, "a connection between people, an affinity, a harmonious, or sympathetic relationship." But too often, people use communication to prove a point, not to create rapport, affinity and understanding. Without understanding, effective communication is impossible.
In order to reach understandings, people need to examine how they define understanding. Too many people confuse understanding with passing judgment. Like the time one of my students told me how well she understood her ex-husband.
"Oh, I understand him alright," she assured me; and to prove herself right, she began to rattle off a list of his sins. "He's egotistical, selfish, uneducated, uncaring, immature, irresponsible and lazy."
"If you were to say those things to his face," I asked, "Do you think that he would feel understood?"
"Probably not."
In truth, when people don't feel understood by you, by definition you haven't understood them. True understanding only occurs when the people around you actually feel understood. Moreover, most people disregard opinions coming from anyone that they feel misunderstands them, so if you ever want to become persuasive, perhaps you should learn the techniques of effective listening. Your ability to listen effectively can help people listen to you...
What Happens When Rewards Are Perceived As Punishments...
I remember my second visit to Bosnia. It was in the winter of 1997. Unlike Hillary, I don't remember sniper fire and I will not "miss-speak," or in this case "miss-write" my recollections. I do remember learning that when people are rewarded with what they perceive as a punishment, you can expect to be bit in your proverbial "arss-in-all."
First a little background. I am no soldier or hero. I simply volunteered to participate in the Department of Defense's Overseas Show program. This is a little publicized branch of the military that simply seeks to provide some basic and inexpensive back home entertainment for troops who live outside of the country. Unlike the USO, volunteers live, travel, sleep, and eat with the soldiers. I went on four tours, and each time I realized that the comedy shows we did were not nearly as important as our simply bringing new faces to lonely, isolated, and hardworking camps. Amazingly, these soldiers always treated us like heroes.
Bosnia in the winter of 1997 was the worst of our tours, and the most profound. Worst because Bosnia in winter is a very cold place, particularly when you are asked to sleep in a "tent city" where every space heater has to be shut off before people go to sleep. Space heaters in tents are considered a fire hazard. We were snowed in at one camp for three days, and we did a show every night. Our improvisational comedy was particularly appreciated because we kept incorporating the water dripping through the leaky roof of our "stage." Each night, I lived through the most uncomfortable "rests" of my life, asking myself to sleep but being too cold to relax and too warm to die. I remember thinking that hell was not full of fire, but full of a painful cold that would never end. I only suffered through three nights of this torture; the soldiers around me were looking at six months. I remember how in the next camp, we were assigned rooms in a once condemned but recently reclaimed building. We danced through the decaying plaster as if we had found a warm haven in heaven.
One night, after a show, one of the soldiers made a comment that I will never forget. He said, "You have to be careful about doing a good job around here, or they will stick you with another year's tour."
So what does my story have to do with you?
Too often leaders reward people's work with an expectation of more work without more reward. Even worse, we often punish the very actions we should be rewarding. During a lecture on rewards and punishments, I once had a student raise his hand to say, "That's so true. Whenever I help out at home, I just get asked to do more. The more I help, the more I get asked to do. It's gotten so I don't volunteer for anything. The other day, my aunt's gardener got sick and couldn't make his weekly visit, so I decided to help out with the lawn. I spent all weekend cleaning and mowing. Do you know how my aunt rewarded me? She fired the gardener, and made the yard my responsibility."
Don't punish people who are doing well by expecting even more. Whenever we ask for help, get help, and instantly expect more help, we punish the very actions that we want repeated. The bottom line of this article is simply this...if you don't like what people have been giving you; you should examine what you might have been inadvertently rewarding...
Common sense choices are not always your best choice.
In fact, Albert Einstein once claimed that common sense is just the collections of prejudices that we acquire by the age of eighteen. I have to admit that I agree with him whole-heartedly. Too often, what people call “common sense” is a failure to understand another's point of view, or an inability to think outside of the box.
Obviously, common sense is not all bad. Common sense tells me to not step in front of a moving car. Common sense tells me that if I put my hand on a hot stove I will get burned. I don’t think that I will question the accuracy of my “common sense” in order to test those beliefs. However, many beliefs that we fail to question -- believing they are common sense -- can actually signal a failure to expand a limiting belief system. Here are a few humorous examples of some famous people who failed to think outside of their own limited boxes and ended up going down in history as somewhat foolish men.
_____* In 1899, the director of the US Patent office, Charles H. Duell, is said to have announced, “Everything that can be invented has been invented.”
_____* In 1905, President Grover Cleveland once commented, “Sensible women do not want to vote.”
_____* In 1923, Robert Miliken, Nobel Prize winner for physics, claimed, “There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom.”
_____* In 1885, Lord Kelvin, president of England’s Royal Society—a scientific organizing, make the assertion, “Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
_____* In 1921, baseball great Tris Speaker is quoted as saying, “(Babe) Ruth make a big mistake when he gave up pitching.”
It seems that we humans can begin to sound foolish when we trust our “common sense” without question and fail to ever look outside the boxes of our own perception. So here is my question, “How well do you think outside of the box?” Here is a riddle that I often give my students in order to demonstrate the human tendency to think inside of the same old patterns. Try to connect all nine dots with only four straight lines while not lifting your pencil. And yes, you are allowed to cross the same dot twice.
Hint: You will never get it right unless you can think outside of the box. If you would like to view the official answer, click here...
Good luck, and let me know how you do...
Can you pass a quiz that over eight percent of its takers fail?
I have posted an intellect quiz on my main website. Give it a try, and tell me if you pass or fail. Here is a direct link...
What are MASTERed Goals?
I have been teaching goal setting for over ten years. Some of my students "get it" right away, and immediately begin to see their goals transform their lives. However, too often my students think they "get it," but still fail to MASTER their goals.
I developed MASTERed goals while teaching the concept of SMART goals. SMART stood for: Specific, Measurable, Accountable, Realistic, and Timely. You can find "SMART" goal articles all across the Internet, but I found that something was missing and decided to teach MASTERed goals instead. MASTER stands for:
Measurable - you need a measurable amount, which you can check off when done
Accountable - nothing but you should affect your ability to accomplish your goal
Specific - make it a specific action that you can realistically accomplish
Timely - give yourself enough time, but not too much time
Exciting - you should feel excited and empowered when you read your goals
Realistic - you should know that you can actually accomplish your goal
Do you notice the difference between SMART and MASTERed? It's the letter E, and the word is exciting.
Your goals should excite you and not feel like punishments. When you MASTER a goal, you start with a dream and work backwards. Once you have identified your dream, you identify the specific and measurable actions that you can realistically take, and over which you have total control, by which you can achieve your dream.
Telling yourself to "find a better job," is not something you control, and therefore you are not accountable. Telling yourself to "apply to five jobs on my next day off," is something you can control, and therefore you are accountable. Next ask yourself, is that realistic? Can you apply to five jobs in one day, or perhaps one job application is enough?
Telling yourself to "lose ten pounds," is not something you control, and therefore you are not accountable. Telling yourself to "eat eight helpings of produce daily and take a daily walk," is something you can control, and therefore you are accountable.
MASTERed goals are not wishes or objectives, they are the specific and measured actions that you can realistically take, and over which you have total control, by which you will achieve your exciting objective. They should make you feel empowered, not overwhelmed.
"Be Happy," becomes "I will do one thing today that makes me happy."
Did you do something today that made you happy? If not, you have not MASTERed happiness as a goal.
Are these Mastered goals?
Been here in LA for going on eight months and it had occured to me that i haven't been doing all that i can do to accomplish my dreams...
These are my mastered goals... Am i going in the right direction?
*Find more than one Job...
*Get money to afford a drivers school...
*Join a Driver's School, or figure out how to get my liscence without having to depend on others because its my responsibilty and no one else's...
*After this play is finished i am making sure that i have nothing limiting me from working...
*Save my money! so by the end of six months and by the end of this strike i can have enough money to live... and be a working actor...
*Buy Postcards and more headshots, so i may send out to casting directors and agents, so i may target...
*Take audition classess
*take workshop classess, after i send out the postcards and things, so casting directors start to recognize me...
*Take MOre acting classess...
*above all get my liscence one way or another... because that is the only things stopping me...
*once i get my liscence figure out how to get into EXTRA work, so i may see how things work on a set...
*Continue to Target
*NO spending money on movies!
*No going out!
*get to the point where i may go to auditions where i don't have to cancel any auditions, and make them on my own...
*audtion! audition! Audition!
*Buy a Guitar, work on my music...
*BE HAPPY!!!
Those are the mastered goals that i feel i might have to accomplish in order to reach my dreams... Are these right?
niki
A shortcut to the tables on personality...
A few of my visitors have expressed trouble finding the tables on personality mention in my recent internet article, so I wanted to post a direct link here. www.navigatinglife.org/differentstrokesfordifferentfolks
Once there, you will find links on the top of the page which take you to the different personality tables.
Hope it helps...
A few words on advice...
One of my favorite moments in Alexandre Dumas's Three Musketeers, or was it Twenty Years After, is when Athos essentially tells D'Artagnan, "I make it a policy to never give advice unless someone asks for it three times. Even then they seldom want, or heed it."
Such good advice to those who love to give advice...
Here is what A River Worth Riding advises about offering advice:
Offering advice, when advice has not been specifically asked for, creates frustration and animosity between people. The dreaded phrase, “Well, if I were you, I would…” will more likely cause eyes to roll than hearts to open. Remember: You are not me. You do not know everything about me. So you do not need to offer me your advice, unless I ask for that advice, regarding what you would do if you were me. Keep your advice to yourself, and I promise to give you the same courtesy.
What is your moral compass?
Your compass is your conscience. Your sense of right and wrong. Your ability to make choices, and your ability to live with your choices without making excuses for yourself, or assigning blame.
Nevil Shute, one of the finest novelists of the twentieth century, wrote a book called Round the Bend. In the book, his protagonist recounts a fable about Moses and Mohammed. This fable has haunted me since I first read it at the age of twelve.
The fable begins with Moses and his journey up the mountain, where he is asked by God to have his people pray fifty times a day. This request is quickly seen as unrealistic, what with the golden calf and all, so God relents and simply asks that his people keep the Sabbath holy. A few thousand years later, Mohammed has his own version of that conversation on the mountain, where he is asked by God to have his people pray fifty time a day. As he returns from his journey, Mohammed meets Moses, and after discussing God’s request, Mohammed is convinced by Moses to return to God and ask for an easier burden. Again, God relents, and this time requires that his people only pray five time a day. At this point in the fable, the storyteller turns to his audience and asks, “But what if we did pray fifty times a day? What if every time we completed a task, we simply prayed, ‘Have I done well?’ If we did,” concludes the storyteller, “We could easily fulfill God’s request for fifty prayers each day.”
Well, I tried it. I was twelve years old; I’d just finished reading the story; my mother asked me to clean the kitchen; and I decided to try it. I washed one dish, then I prayed, “Have I done well?” An amazing thing happened. I felt an answer. I clearly knew that I had done well. After washing each dish, I prayed again. Each time I prayed, I knew instantly whether I had done well, or whether I hadn’t. And by the time I finished cleaning that kitchen, it gleamed.
We all have the gift of conscience; we just forget to listen to it.
Action and Control
I have been a proud member of navigating life for little bit over a year now. Let me first start out by writing that I have come to realize that even when I make mistakes, I am human. When I came to understand and accept my mistakes, it made my life a little easier to understand and made me accept the people around me better
As for what I'm working on this week, building a loyal crew and having a solid rudder. I'm slowly learning that you build your life around no one, and criticism should not matter. In my case, my father was my best friend. He was my boss. I worked and saw him at home. You get used to having certain people and circumstances in your life. When he passed, my world was turn up side down with depression. Addictions took over for a long time.
I have realized that no matter how depressed you get, no matter how much you drink, you are never going to bring back anyone you love. Instead, you need to go back to the principles that matter. Principles like the ones my dad taught me.
My dad always said, “Never give up, work hard, go school, and always be of service when you can.†His teachings, and what I have learned through the fourteen rules, have made a tremendous in pact on my life both professionally and personally. The power of focus and goal setting is something that is a must. It truly is amazing when you sit down and you write down your goals. When you take action on your goals on a daily basis, you truly get somewhere. Without an accurate map, you will never known where you want to go on the river.
Tony Perez
What causes a messy kitchen?
Not cleaning up the mess as you go along.
What causes a messy life?
Not facing life’s circumstances as you go along.
Perhaps the most important lesson that parents can teach their children is the connection between picking up after themselves and the quality of their lives. But how many parents actually believe that principle themselves and have made a habit of picking up their own messes? Children learn from what we do, not from what we say.
One study, by the Josephson Institute of Ethics in Marina Del Rey, showed that 72 percent of all high school students surveyed believed that people needed to cheat in order to succeed in life. These students also admitted to cheating on their tests and actually seemed proud of their cheating skills. What caused these students to have such a strange view of success? What caused them to have such a warped view of the river? What caused people to stop valuing integrity and start valuing manipulation? How can we change that cause before it’s too late?
Did you know that when you change what people value, you often change how they behave? And strangely enough, people tend to value what other people admire. People tend to repeat and emulate the actions that bring them admiration, attention, acceptance, or approval. So what does this study suggest that we, as a nation, have been rewarding with our attention, acceptance, approval and admiration?
Have you ever asked your children how they define success, or power? Do you think that they know the difference between respect born from love and respect born from fear? Do you know the difference? Which do you think your children believe is more powerful—fear, or love? Which do you think is more powerful? Why? What caused you to believe what you do?
What causes guilt? Guilt is that feeling you get when you know that you have done something wrong. Guilt, used wisely, can keep you from making the same wrong choice twice. But people can also use your guilt to manipulate you because uncertainty and doubt often accompany guilt. People can use your guilt and your doubts against you whenever you are unclear about who you are, what you value, or why you make the choices that you do.
Above the entrance to the Greek Oracle of Delphi, a stoneworker once carved the words, “know thyself.” These words express the greatest advice ever given to mankind. If you don’t know who you are and what you value, then every action you take will seem doubtful. But when you finally do know yourself—when you do know who you are, when you do know what you value, and when you do know what you were meant to contribute to the river—then you will finally be able to stop defending your life, and you will finally be able to start living it.
A problem is only a problem if you can do something about it. Otherwise it's a fact of life, so you might as well get over it.
The biggest frustrations encountered on the river usually manifest when we attempt to change how people respond to us. We can’t change people into what they’re not. However, the moment we stop trying to change people, we begin finding the energy to change ourselves. And when we begin to change ourselves, we automatically change the circumstances wherein we find ourselves. We waste so much energy focused on the wrong end of problems.
Stop fixing problems. You can’t fix problems. Problems are effects. They are the natural result of something that was done to cause them. Change the cause of a problem, and the problem will take care of itself.
What causes problems? Failure to persuade; failure to communicate; misunderstanding; fear; doubt; blame; unwanted advice; expecting people to change for your reasons; misinterpreting cause and effect; not understanding the rules of the river.
When you learn to fix the cause of a problem, you will fix that problem’s effect.
Of course, there is a catch. This rule only helps you to solve problems if you can determine where your actions contribute to those problems. Any problem that you can’t influence by your actions is not your problem. Any problem that you can’t influence by your actions is a fact of life, so you might as well get over it.
In other words, “Why doesn’t so-and-so love me?” is not your problem. While, “Why am I letting this situation affect me so much?” is your problem.
“Nobody listens to me,” is not your problem. While, “How can I explain this so people will want to listen?” is your problem.
What other people think, say, or do is not your problem. While what you think, say, or do is your problem.
Can you see the difference?
The only way to change something is to change the cause of that something. So if you want to affect the river, you need to keep peeling away at the causes of things until you find a cause for which you’re responsible and then find a way to affect that cause. Only then will your actions be worthwhile.
Have trouble keeping New Year's resolutions?
If so, then before you embark on any resolutions, be sure they are MASTERed goals.
What are MASTERed goals?
MASTER goal setting is Navigating Life's variation of a technique picked up while attending a time management seminar. This technique is deceptively simple, yet profoundly effective. I urge you to try it as soon as possible.
To create MASTERed goals, you must create goals that are:
Measurable—set an amount and a deadline.
Accountable—make sure that you are personally responsiblefor the outcome.
Specific—make it a specific action.
Timely—give yourself enough time, but not too much time.
Exciting—make it positive; make it something you really want.Goals should never feel like punishments.
Realistic—don’t ask yourself for super-human strength.
Whenever you set goals that are not MASTERed, you set yourself up for failure.
I’m always amazed at how often people set goals like, “I want to lose weight,” “I want to get healthy,” “I need to find a job,” “I need to be more responsible,” “I want to be a better parent,” “I want my boss to respect me,” or “I want to get rich.”
Do they sound familiar?
These goals are immeasurable, unaccountable, vague, rushed, unexciting and unrealistic. So is it any wonder that they don’t help people accomplish anything? If you want goal setting to work for you, you need to learn the art of MASTER goal setting.
Let’s take the goal, “I’m gonna throw out all of my junk,” as an example. That’s a typical goal for a lot of people. Well, throwing out all of your junk is not something you can possibly accomplish. No matter how much you try, junk will always reappear. Throwing out all of your junk is an objective, not a goal. In order to accomplish that objective, you need to set a MASTERed goal. Something like, “I’m gonna toss out ten things every day, until I finally get the clean drawers I want.” Throwing out ten items every day is easily accomplished. It’s measurable, accountable, specific, timely, exciting and realistic. Moreover, performing this MASTER goal daily should eventually help you to gain your objective, which was to clean out your junk.
How about another typical goal; losing thirty pounds? Have you ever gone on a diet with the goal of loosing thirty pounds, done everything right and lost three pounds the first week, only to find that the following week—even though you still did every thing right—you’ve plateaued and lost nothing? If so, you know the frustration of doing everything right and still letting yourself down. Considering your disappointment in yourself, is it any wonder that you drown your sorrows in ice cream?
I’m here to tell you that your problem isn’t you. Your problem is how you define your goals. You have absolutely no control over how you metabolize calories. Your body is going to metabolize whatever it metabolizes. The only thing that you can control is what you put into your mouth and how you spend your time.
In other words, you can’t force your body to lose pounds; however, you can learn to make healthier choices. That being the case, maybe learning to make healthier choices is the goal you need to MASTER. So instead of imposing an overwhelming goal like “losing thirty pounds,” your MASTERed goals might be to “drink a liter of water everyday, take a daily walk, and eat five ounces of fresh produce daily.” I mean, let’s face it, if you drank a liter of water, took a walk and ate five helpings of fresh produce everyday, you would be healthier. Moreover, your success would not depend upon your ability to metabolize calories.
The point that I’m trying to make is that unless you create goals that you can actually accomplish every time, you are only going to disappoint yourself eventually. MASTERed goals are always possible. MASTERed goals allow you to progressively realize your objectives. For every objective that you have, you should create a matching MASTERed goal.The table linked here provides a list of common objectives along side their corresponding MASTERed goals. It should help demonstrate what I mean. As you look at the table, please notice that MASTERed goals are achievable. They may not achieve their objective each time, but at least you can keep the goal. At least you can keep the promise that you made to yourself.
If your strategy fails to work, then you can always change your strategy. But unless you develop the habit of setting MASTERed goals, you will not ever achieve your goals. So learn to keep your goals measurable, accountable, specific, timely, exciting and realistic; or don’t set goals at all. Nothing destroys your self-esteem faster than breaking a promise to yourself, and that is exactly what you do every time you fail to meet a goal.
Friends
These are just thoughts. Last night I had one of the best times ever with one of my dearest friends who I got to know while going to school in New York. We laughed all night. Non stop. It was one the of best feelings I had in a long time. Living in LA now, for, going on eight months now, its been quit lonely. Its really been a life test for me out here; people that I thought i knew, people that I thought I could count on; not being there. I was really happy to know that last night, i could look at my wonderful dear friend Amanda and know that we'll stay friends no matter how often we see each other, how far apart we are, its made me happy to know that shes a "lifer" a lifetime friend that i know i can count on because i now know in LA there isn't alot of that here. But i guess its all apart of growing, everyone here in LA pretty much thinks about themselves, so when they say they are doing you a favor they really aren't, when your willing to be helpful, they'll take advantage of you. But i just have to keep my wits about me, not dwell on the sad negative side of things, and just know that there is good out there and people i can still trust, and I know that I am the only one i can truely depend on...
again, these are just thoughts.
What is love?
What's love.
A friend's son is thinking about getting married and asked me how you can tell if you’re in love.
The flip answer is listen to your heart, but that's not much help because your heart doesn't know the difference between infatuation and love. I don't believe in love at first sight. True, that electric spark between two people can put a spark in love. It can help you know a person is one you want to be with, but good love grows over time.
Love is learned as you get to know and become committed to a person. Love is not sex, but sex without love is simply a physical exercise. Sex with love can be glorious. Love means you're willing to commit your life to the other person. You want to be with the person and care for that person. It means you're willing to sacrifice your life, if it becomes necessary.
Love is about relationships.
Its commitment
its respect
its trust
it is the desire to help your partner be the best they can be.
That is why infidelity is so devastating. It destroys trust and respect and it puts your partner at risk of disease. Violence has no place in a marriage. If you mate tries to dominate you, either mentally or physically, it is time to take you boat and plot a new course.
Respect is the basis for any positive relationship. When there is mutual respect in a relationship there is room for a couple to grow together and for them to each grow as individuals.
On the river of life, if you choose to join your boat to another, two boats can expand you horizons and be more stable in a storm. When you pull up for the night, making camp together can be easier and more fun. But, ultimately, you are responsible for your own boat and for choosing your own safe course through a rapid.
Tony, I am posting you a reminder of this week's assignment...
You need a solid achor
Your anchor is what you value. Even more, your anchor is the value that you place upon yourself. It affects your ability to make difficult decisions and to like yourself even when others express disapproval. It allows you to stand-up for what you believe, despite others believing differently.
Too often, we anchor ourselves to people, or circumstances. The result is usually chaos.
Consider what happens when people anchor themselves to their mates. Let’s say, for example, that you’ve just met someone who stimulates your mind and makes you feel alive in ways you haven’t felt in years, so you decide to anchor your lives together. You begin to see yourself as part of a team. You make every decision together. Everything goes swimmingly, until your rudder gets caught in their anchor. Suddenly, your decisions collide. Your perspectives alter. Your likelihood of success is based upon the whims of someone else. If the person to whom you’re anchored can’t move, you can’t move. When they go down, you go down.
And what happens if that person isn’t there any more? What happens to you if you’ve attached yourself to someone who abruptly disappears? Suddenly, you’re cast adrift on a river totally unfamiliar to you. Your fear-mechanisms may kick in. You may get depressed. You may want to drink, or eat your way back into comfort. You may even get involved with the first person you meet because you can’t stand riding the river alone.
Without a solid anchor, you drift about on circumstance. Without a solid anchor, you have no way to weather squalls. If you want your boat to outlast tempests, you need an anchor that won’t change from day to day. People do not make the best anchors because it is the nature of people to change. Circumstances do not make the best anchors because it is the nature of circumstances to alter.
So what does stand firm even in the most violent weather? What does hold fast no matter what life tosses towards you?
Ideals are the only things on the river that don’t change. Ideals make excellent anchors.
Think about the ideal of fairness. Did you ever say, “That’s not fair,” when you were young? Whenever I pose this question in class, nearly everyone raises their hand. Every child seems to understand the difference between fair and unfair, and they seem to expect fairness—until some adult tells them that life isn’t fair and they learn to believe it.
The curious thing is that we all know fairness when we see. The ideal of fairness is a constant that never changes. So if you were to steer your life towards fairness, you would always know which way to steer. If you were to anchor your life on fairness, you might actually begin to find fair. You could also anchor yourself to integrity, truth, dignity, justice, service, quality, excellence, kindness, joy, humility, compassion, or any ideal you choose.
Your ideals do not move with circumstance. No matter what the tempests around you conceal, truth is truth, and you’ll always know truth when you see it. Truth is a good place to set your anchor. Truth is a good way to steer your course. You may not always experience these ideals with others, but you will know each ideal when you see it, and you will know which way to steer. You will know when you have not lived up to your ideal. You will know when you have let yourself down.
Discover the ideals for which you stand—in the same way that America stands for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Integrate your ideals into your purpose and your choices, so that the next time the river tosses you into a whirlpool, you’ll be able to make your decisions based upon something you value. You’ll be secure in knowing that you’ve chosen the best possible response to your current circumstances.
When you base your choices upon the ideals you value, you begin to trust your choices and to find the strength to follow through on your actions. You begin to act decisively because you’re decisions aren’t affected by what other people say, think, or do. They’re based on a solid anchor, rather than on some opinion of the moment.
You can have easy, or you can have worthwhile; but you can't have both.
Which do you prefer: cheap bargains, or fair wages? Pick one because you can’t have both.
Which do you prefer: being healthy, or eating whatever like? Again, you can’t have both.
Which do you prefer: no taxes, or a government that takes care of you? That’s right, you can’t have both.
People find it easy to decide between a good thing and a bad thing. For example, would you prefer that I give you my money, or that I take your money? Whenever I ask this question in class, everyone opts for getting my money. After all, it’s an easy choice.
But how about deciding between two good things, or two bad things?
Do you want me to be nice, or do you want me to be honest? Do you want to fight with me, or do you want me to beat you up? Do you want me to be true to our friendship, or do you want me to be true to myself? Do you want to have an easy life, or do you want to have a worthwhile life?
Questions like these are difficult to answer. We often try to get both, or neither, and we end up getting a mess.
In order to make life’s hardest decisions, you must know what you value. Unless you determine your priorities, your decisions will be as uncertain as your mind, and no decision equals no action.
So which do you prefer: easy or worthwhile? You can’t have both.
Home
|
