Read A Blog - Psychologist Dr. Shinaver's Thoughts and Reflections - Dr. Shinaver will take on topics that come up in the media and from people who ask him sincere questions about the psychological impact of what is going on in our culture

Psychologist Dr. Shinaver's Thoughts and Reflections
Released:	4/15/2008 3:56:02 PM
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Description: Dr. Shinaver will take on topics that come up in the media and from people who ask him sincere questions about the psychological impact of what is going on in our culture Contents: With Great help from Barb at Circle of Friends at LiveVideo, I will try another Live video conference session. Here is the post I sent out. Did you know that Google has coaching throught its organization? (See Youtube videos on googletechtalks: “Coaching Series: Impactful Communication”) What is coaching? Why would Google do it? Or what about this…what if you could get the help of a psychologist without the diagnosis, the labeling and the stigma, would you be interested? What if, instead of digging into your past this psychologist-coach and you focused upon how to move toward your future in a way that is consistent with your ‘core values’… would you be interested? Join in on this discussion. Psychologist, Dr. Charles Shinaver (also known as DrChaz on LiveVideo.com) is engaging in a discussion of these topics as he develops a coaching program. It should be interesting. Come with your questions, comments, thoughts and concerns. He really wants to know what you think. He is developing a coaching program and he wants input before he jumps into the abyss...Discuss these questions with him for an hour this Sunday. If all goes well he may do an “Ask the Psychologist?” show at a later date! So be there this Sunday to let him pick your brain and maybe you can get him to agree to let you pick his brain at a later date! You can check out his website at: www.charlesshinaveriiiphd.com. There you can see videos he has made about coaching and you can also see those at his channel on LiveVideo.com at “DrChaz”. Join Dr. Shinaver and Circle of Friends on Sunday April 20th at 6:00 pm to 7:00 pm Eastern Time. The Circle of Friends will be hosting at LiveVideo.com. Go to this site on Sunday: http://www.livevideo.com/liveshow/CircleofFriends. See you there! Dr. Shinaver’s (DrChaz) credentials are as follows: BA: Psychology, Notre Dame; Ed.M: Counseling and Consulting Psychology, Harvard; MA: Clinical Child Psychology, DePaul; Ph.D.: Clinical Child Psychology, DePaul Clinical Experience: Therapist: 19 years; Licensed Psychologist: 12 years; Private Practice: 12 years at different times in Chicago, IL, Evansville, IN, Carmel, IN; Previous Director of highly secure residential unit for adolescents; Previous Director of Outpatient Services at a Psychiatric Hospital; Director of Assessment Services at a Psychiatric Hospital; Consultant for Lilly Endowment during Graduate School Media Experience: Dr. Shinaver (DrChaz) has done about 35-40 Television interviews including a handful of live interviews. My Live on LiveVideo.com Well the crowd was small (1 most of the time, 2 some of the time, and for a few seconds 3). Anyway, this gave me an opportunity to work out some of the kinks of the technology of livevideo. There are some challenges: 1. A group of 4 can actually be on camera talking to you with microphones while the rest are doing instant messaging. If those spots were full and we had a topic going it would be complicated. Then there is the issue of hecklers or rowdy or disrespectful, or just mean and nasty people. I learned how to handle them with the technology. Then there is the issue of getting the word out and picking a time and day when people can come. Well, since I have my third highest hit rate at noon and the businest day on my website is Thursdays I went for Thursday at noon. I don't think it was a wise choice. Also, I didn't pull out all the stops and invite everybody on my lists, sites, etc. I will do that when I go again on Sunday at 6:00 pm Eastern time. Anyway, that chat will be with the Circle of Friends a group I joined with a very sweet woman, Barb, who coordinates it. Take Care. Dr. Shinaver My Trial Run on LiveVideo http://www.blogcatalog.com/directory/coaching/personal-development (I am listing my blog on various blog indexes which is the link above.) Yesterday I did my first trial run on LiveVideo. The technology is really pretty cool. I was just tinkering around the site and up popped 3 or 4 and then 5 or 6 people watching and participating. I was dealing with technical difficulties. But rapidly some guys (yes, I assume they were guys and they seemed to confirm it) started to make obnoxious and inappropriate comments. I was unclear how to handle it and some of the people suggested that I ban these people. I was still unclear about how to do that. So, instead I think I will make my LiveVideo session only open to 'friends'. People will have to login to the site and then request to be my friend. This solution is not optimal because it requires becoming my 'friend' on the site, but it will make me contacting you for later lives easier. In the meantime I will search for another solution. My first scheduled Live video session will be This Thursday at 12:00 noon eastern time until 1:00. I will be discussing my first video "Coaching Changes how Everyone does Business". You can see this video listed on this post. Update on the videos. They are catching on. I am getting quite a response with people viewing them. Now just post on them. Here is the latest update on the number of views my videos have gotten TODAY. The total number of views is well over 1200. Check them out. Send your friends to check them out. Then join the discussion by posting and attending my live discussion next week. Go check them out! Dr. Shinaver Automatically have updates added to you igoogle page: source=atgs&feedurl=http%3A//shinaversthoughtsandreflections.blogspot.com/feeds/1381985417363946147/comments/default"> My New Coaching Program and the Videos I posted. First, a side note: How this site got into German or whatever that language is I don't know. I'm pretty exhausted right now. I've been loading several coaching videos onto the Internet. This is the product of working for seven or eight weeks. I have an intern from Butler, Coty Nicoson, who helped me work on these videos. The first question is why am I going in this direction? Most importantly, because it's exciting. Secondly I have a number of people I work with who are owners of their own small businesses. As I saw many of them make progress and move past the original mental health issues that brought them I realized I had great rapport with them and I knew I could offer them something regarding moving forward with their lives. That's where coaching comes in. Coaching looks forward and focuses upon goals in and a person's dreams for their life. It also includes consideration of the larger picture of a person's life. With my background in playing sports, watching sports and coaching sports I always enjoyed the role of being a coach. I like motivating people and challenging them to excel. I enjoy the process of helping people to do that. For quite some time I've thought about focusing on sports psychology as a result. I still might do that to some degree. However I came to realize that I can play the role of a coach for people in their overall life not just sports or business. Part of what is developed in a therapeutic relationship is a sense of trust and openness to the degree that allows a person to reveal information that they might otherwise holdback. That information is often critical in understanding how to motivate a person and can help me to help them. It gives me unusual access with how to connect with them on a more profound level and then encourage them to challenge themselves and move past their fears. The nature of that relationship and my own interest in developing my own practice/company and the sheer fun I get from that is what motivated me to go in this direction. So, what is my plan? My plan is to do this: 1. I decided to make these videos to serve as an introduction to my own transition into coaching. However what you get from these videos is your introduction into coaching. But what it does in a deeper way is to ground you in my point of view about how therapy relates to coaching and how my role as a psychologist relates to coaching. Indeed these give a level of authenticity and transparency that are consistent with my values of how to operate in the world and as a business. At a later point, if anyone asks me discuss how I came to choose the topics that I chose. 2. I decided to launch all these videos simultaneously for a few different reasons. The first is that it gives an opportunity to give a broader scale of material to more people at once. I would put this under the concept of why I call "suddenness." I don't think I've seen anyone else use that term but I'm not really sure. Anyway, why mean by that is injects me into people's consciousness with velocity and impact. In other words, it captures attention. I remember this quote from somewhere: "It's like killing a mosquito with a sledgehammer". What it does, in my mind is bring you here to my webpage in my blog. Now, what I do your attention is up to me. However, it is also up to you. What you mean by that is I'm interested in finding out what you would like to have to coaching program. I would like to start one from the ground up. However, what I think people might want and what you actually do want could be two very different things. So, let me explain one thing that I do have right now. 3. Right now, I have a coaching program that I can do that has to do with managing anxiety and stress. This coaching program can be packaged in a four to six session format. It has a solid research behind it. When we discussed this point in more detail below. Let me digress for a moment to talk about what that means is a psychologist. As a psychologist I am trained to use scientific research and to consider claims that I make placed in that context. What most people don't realize is that demands a rigor for such claims are substantial. That is, often for someone from the scientific community to be able to say that something has substantial evidence behind it means that there are maybe 10 to 20 years worth of research behind it. Even then you hardly, if ever, hear a scientist or social scientist say that something has been "proven". Part of that is based upon the logic of science. That is, it is much easier to prove that something doesn't work then to prove that it does. For example when an intervention works there are almost always other possible explanations for why it did so even when you attempt to account for every variable and control for those variables. Contrast this to someone from say the biofeedback community or coaching community. Neither one of these groups of people are regulated by a community of scientists. As such when they say that "this really works I know what I've seen with my own eyes" they are very convincing and believable. However a scientist would rarely if ever make such a statement because all he would be saying is that with the subject sample of 01, (him), or with a small sub example 10, 15, or 20 people, without an actual investigation, it seemed to have some impact or at least it appeared to do so. Yet, unless he were to do a scientific investigation of that he still wouldn't "know". Furthermore, the first scientific investigation wouldn't suffice there would have to be several of them. That entire digression was to address this phrase "solid research". Within the scientific community the research behind heart math techniques and products would be considered probably mild to moderate evidence. However to contrast this with what one might find in the coaching community people are more likely to say based upon their individual experience or that experience of their clients that it 'proves' that their intervention is effective or definitely works and they "know" this to be true. Either way right now I can offer you a coaching program that I consider to be effective based upon my own use of its, patients that I've worked with using it, and the research that I've read about it. That program helps people with anxiety. The program can be either focused on business, on sports, on overcoming burnout, or in the general context of personal growth. So if you're ready for that program, and you want to enter it please contact me by sending me an e-mail at Dr.shinaver@hushmail.com. The e-mail is secure and will reach me and stay confidential in at that website. 4. However, what I want to do is develop a bigger broader coaching program. I intend to focus upon small-business owners or entrepreneurs, life coaching, marital coaching, and leadership coaching. The leadership coaching will include teenagers or adolescence as well as adults. What I'm interested in from you is a dialogue with you about what your point of view about coaching news. That includes people who've been coach before what they liked and what they didn't like. And when once knows what you'd like to see in a coaching program. This along with my own research will contribute to be developing my own coaching program. I will make every effort to be transparent and authentic with you as these are truly my values. I will make every effort to provide information that is valuable, insightful, and as often as possible actionable. Why would like from you is your participation in getting the feedback attending live sessions that I will schedule over time. So, here is my initial schedule for the next eight weeks. You can check out all the videos at: Week 1: The first video will be discussed at www.Livevideo.com at 11:00 on Friday April 18, 2008. The title of the video is: 1 Why Coaching will Change the Way Everyone does Business by Dr Charles Shinaver Week 2: The second video: 2: Why a Psychologist-Coach is what YOU need. Dr Charles Shinaver Will be discussed on www.LiveVideo.com at a time and date to be announced the following week. Week 3: Why I will help YOU. Dr Charles Shinaver Will be discussed on www.LiveVideo.com at a time and date to be announced the following week. Week 4: What Happens in Business and Life Coaching? Dr Charles Shinaver Will be discussed on www.LiveVideo.com at a time and date to be announced the following week. Week 5: How to Break Through Your Personal and Business Barriers. Dr Charles Shinaver Will be discussed on www.LiveVideo.com at a time and date to be announced the following week. Week 6: What is the Difference between Business & Life Coaching? Dr Charles Shinaver Will be discussed on www.LiveVideo.com at a time and date to be announced the following week. Week 7: How Can Coaching help you to Manage Job Stress. Dr Charles Shinaver Will be discussed on www.LiveVideo.com at a time and date to be announced the following week. Week 8: How can you Identify Corporate Stress and How can Coaching Help. Dr Charles Shinaver Will be discussed on www.LiveVideo.com at a time and date to be announced the following week. I will enjoy the ride. I hope you do. Dr Charles Shinaver August 2007: The first week of school: Behavioral Norms balanced by an Empathic Connection. August 2007: The first week of school: Behavioral Norms balanced by an Empathic Connection. There is a concept in behavioral psychology called norms. Norms are behavior patterns. They are what people actually do. The first week of school is the time to set behavior norms. This is different than ‘expectations’. Expectations are more about talking. They are what we want to see from someone. We can tell someone what we expect, but that is different from “establishing norms”. Let me give you an example. Establishing norms is actually making sure that behavior patterns occur. We transitioned babysitters at the end of the summer and it had become clear that the sitter during the school year had been lax about many things. We focused upon two. The first one gives the clearest example of establishing a norm because it was so behavioral in nature. The behavior norm had become the boys left the garage door open consistently. This was a problem for several reasons. First, there were concerns about safety. Even though we live in a very safe neighborhood it is a bad idea to get in the habit of leaving the garage door open. Secondly, we just didn’t like the way it looked – junky. Third, there is a tendency by our kids to then expand leaving junk out onto the garage. How to change this behavioral norm? The first week of the summer I disengaged the garage door openers. So, the kids would have to physically lift the garage doors themselves. Then we moved all their stuff to the garage which had a service door. So, they could go in and out the garage door without having to open the big doors. After the second week of disengaging the garage doors we no longer had that problem. This was a clean solution because physically it was difficult for the kids to open the door manually at all, so their behavior had to change. So, with more complicated behaviors or where there is not a clear physical barrier how do you do this without behaving like a drill sergeant? Well, again it depends upon the norms you want to set within your family as to how you do this. As a matter of fact my son’s, when I click into this mode often spontaneously starting saying: “yes, sir”. They then salute me sometimes. It is their playful way of letting me know that they know I am in ‘git-r-done’ mode. I will return to that later. Let me give another example of shoes not in the boy’s locker or ‘cubby’. My wife has very high standards regarding cleanliness and order. So we don’t wear shoes in the house. We bought a house that has a mudroom with lockers for the boy’s stuff and my stuff. The boys have a tendency to leave their shoes and backpacks out all over the mud room, a pattern that started last school year. So we began this behavior modification two weeks ago. The first two weeks I warned them and made them come back and put their shoes away. I reminded them that for each shoe it would be $2 off their allowance. (The notion of allowance in our house is that if you do the things expected of a child your age you get allowance of one dollar per year of age. Among the expectations is doing your schoolwork, keeping your room picked up and keeping your cubby and the mudroom picked up, etc.) So we have a trial period in which the boys get only warnings and reminders of the consequence. Starting time: Then the day we start issuing the consequences is announced and they are given swiftly and preferably without emotion. When the shoes are found not where they are supposed to be the boy is called back to immediately address it and the money lost is recorded. From that day on the consequence is clear: you lose the money and you must interrupt whatever you are doing now to address it. So it is with a new school year. Decided on your norms, have a brief ‘trial period’. Implement the change. The goal is to deliver consequences without emotion, firmly, clearly without negotiation. This is easier said than done, but if you discipline yourself to do this your kids will begin to be more disciplined themselves. So, we start with a new sitter this week and focused on the norms with me home the first day to oversee and implement. Day two I have to be at work and my wife happens to be off early and she can oversee the process. As any mom knows, that moment when they hit the door can be the beginning of chaos or order depending upon how it is handled. Day three and the rest of the week I will get home to take some peaks at how it is going and intervene as necessary. After 1-2 2weeks the boys should have a good understanding of the norms and be following them and so should the sitter. This is how you establish norms. Don’t worry this isn’t the end of the story. I will give you an update. By the way, housebreaking the puppy in the midst of the new school year and new sitter is our biggest challenge. Balanced by an Empathic Connection: So that is the establishing behavioral norms, which, by the way, is very much about your norms as much as the kids. Now, how do you maintain ‘empathic connection’? What do I mean by ‘empathic connection’? Or, another way to put it, how do I keep my perspective? Let me give you two very direct and concrete answers: HeartMath and ‘special time’. First, what is HeartMath? It is an approach of connecting with your own heart and center of feeling through slowing the breathing and focusing upon feelings of appreciation, gratitude, etc. It actually involves going in your mind and heart to the feeling of gratitude, actually getting to that feeling state. It is not hard once you practice it. I have several references to it on my website, the technology for measuring whether you are there and books and tools to get you there and sustain that. Let me give an example again, I always find specifics very helpful. This morning we had an incident in which the boys followed the ‘new norms’ for the school year very well for about 85-90% of the time. The youngest was up, dressed on his own and got his breakfast started and only needed helping pouring a full gallon jug of milk. The oldest was up much earlier today and was on the ball, not in slow-motion. He was moving along fine. The middle guy was going along well too. We were ready in the mudroom ready to go much earlier than yesterday which was pushing it to the limits of punctuality. I had taken the dog out to go to the bathroom and he went number one, but not number 2. I had him out there 10 minutes. I had to go in and shower and change myself. I go in. Dog gets passed to second son after he has dressed. He is to take dog out for at least 10 minutes stay in one place and wait for dog to go. He does not do his job well. He goes to the front where there are many distractions. Dog does not go. He puts dog in cage and as we go to leave out door dog goes in cage. Dad is not happy. Home

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