Meet Russ: MacBachelor Of The Week.. Apple Eugenics: Has Steve Jobs Gone Too Far?.. What To Wear: Dos And Don'ts For Apple Store Dating Fashion.. Rating The Apple Stores (Part I)..
Contents:
Meet Russ: MacBachelor Of The Week Each week, our reporters scour Apple Stores across the country in search of the most eligible MacBachelors. This week, we present Russ, found on a Genius Barstool in the Chestnut Hill Mall (Chestnut Hill, MA). Just check out his specs:
Status: Single and totally available Hardware: Great biceps, sculpted forearms Software: Slight tummy roll Periperals & Accessories: Black rimmed glasses, Toyota Prius Results of Virus Scan: Clean as a whistle
As always, please feel free to leave a comment to let our MacBachelor Of The Week know why you think you are his match.
Apple Eugenics: Has Steve Jobs Gone Too Far? Is Apple Computer founder Steve Jobs really trying to create a better world by inserting Macintosh code into the human gene pool? The jury is still out, but all signs are leading to one inescapable conclusion.
The first genetically modified iBaby showed up last year, bearing a distinctive apple-shaped birthmark. Since then, more than a hundred babies bearing a similar Macintosh logo have been sighted at hospital maternity wards, the majority in Silicon Valley. "It's unclear at this point if Jobs is trying to create a superior race or simply trying to produce out-of-the-womb brand-loyal consumers," said Murray Horowitz, head of the Vassar Institute of Anthropology, Human Heredity, and Eugenics. "We're going to be keeping a close eye on this one."
What To Wear: Dos And Don'ts For Apple Store Dating Fashion
Hoping to score a date on your next trip to the Apple Store? It's all in the visuals. Apple Store dating fashion is memorable but not goofy, sensual but not sleazy, trendy but not logo-obsessed.
As a rule, men should opt for traditional Apple garb -- black turtleneck, jeans, and sneakers. A three-day stubble completes the look (hey, if it works for Steve, it can work for you, too). Steve's Outfit is a great one-stop source for purchasing an authentic-looking version of the full ensemble.
Women channeling the style of Audrey Hepburn meets Abercrombie & Fitch can't go wrong. Pressed for time, ladies? Just stuffing an iPod nano into a push-up bikini top also can do wonders for your Apple Store dating success.
Rating The Apple Stores (Part I)
Ever wonder which Apple Stores offer the best prospects for dating? According to our latest reader survey, that all depends on what you’re looking for. Ambience and clientage play a major role, of course, but a few Apple Stores benefit from simple geography.
In our double-blind survey, we asked more than 1000 avid Macintosh users to rate dateability at four major Apple Stores. Here are a few highlights from the results:
University Village (Seattle) Apple Store The Vibe: Homoerotic Hottie Index: 6 stars Closest Source of Alcohol: One floor up Promxity to Top Modeling Agency: 175.8 miles
Soho (NYC) Apple Store The Vibe: Uber trendy Hottie Index: 10 stars Closest Source of Alcohol: Right next door Proximity to Top Modeling Agency: 2 blocks
Stonestown (San Francisco) Apple Store The Vibe: Totally geeky Hottie Index: Pi(R2+rR+r2)+ h/3 Closest Source of Alcohol: 3 blocks north Proximity to Top Modeling Agency: 300 miles
Briarwood (Ann Arbor) Apple Store The Vibe: A bit uptight Hottie Index: 1 star Closest Source of Alcohol: 20 miles Proximity to Top Modeling Agency: 1200 miles
Husband Cheating At Apple Store? We encourage reader mail, and today would like to share this letter from Concerned In Connecticut:
Dear Kitty:
My husband, a long-time Dell user, lately has been spending most evenings and weekend afternoons at the Apple Store. He has given up golf and let his subscription to PenthouseLetters expire. He says he's just testing the iMacs and the new MacBook Air, but I'm concerned he may be having an affair at the Apple Store. Do you think I should be worried?
Sincerely, Concerned In Connecticut
Dear Concerned:
It's perfectly normal for Dell users to shop around when their applications get a little sluggish. However, I would definately suspect an extramarital affair if your husband can't get his browser up at home or complains that your screen is always frozen. In these cases, he may indeed be going to the Apple store to get his hard drive spinning.
As goes Steve Jobs, so goes Apple. Propelled by Jobs' new-found passion for dancing, Apple Computer reportedly is preparing to open its first after-hours club in downtown Manhattan. "With dating at the Apple Stores on the rise, Jobs wants to give single customers a Mac-friendly environment to dance, swap playlists, and trade iPhone numbers," says a company source. The club, slated to open in May, 2008, will feature a custom-built dance floor, wi-fi lounge, and a fully-stocked Genius Bar. Green apple martini, anyone?
Wondering if your boyfriend will ever pop the question? Don't get your hopes up if he's a BlackBerry user. According to Internetnews.com's analysis of the just-released M:Metrics January Benchmark Survey, iPhone guys are far more commitment-oriented and likely to wed. Writes Internetnews.com: "It's clear that iPhone owners want...engagement while users of BlackBerry and other smartphones don't share the same interests." Stay tuned for more on this fascinating research next week...
Apple Computer Acquires Match.com
Well, this actually hasn't happened as of today, but you can be sure Steve Jobs is thinking about it. What better way to connect all those single Mac lovers than through a new dating portal called MacMatch.com?
Barry Diller, chairman of Match.com's parent, IAC/InterActiveCorp., couldn't be reached to comment on the hypothetical acquisition, but we're quite sure he'd be willing to sell in a heartbeat.
Clearly I've Been Wasting My Time At The Gym I guess I've been looking for love in all the wrong places because, according to Cosmo, the Apple Store is new place to see and be seen. According to that steamy bible: "Most guys are natural gadget lovers, and with sales of iPods and MacBooks skyrocketing, more men than ever are stopping by Apple boutiques. The vibe at the stores is conducive to man meeting too: You can check your email among cuties, take a free workshop on anything from Photoshop to podcasting (a great opportunity to strike up a conversation), or just survey the, ahem, good-looking merchandise."
Is Steve Jobs Married? Actually, Steve Jobs has been married to Laurene Powell since 1991, so there's little chance of finding him at a Genius Bar.
No One Hot At The Genius Bar, But The Salesgirl Was Really Cute How cute? Well, let's just say I now own an iMac, an iPhone, and a really hip new carrying case for my laptop. Of course, I'm going to wait to open it all in case she turns out to be a bad kisser.
