Description:
Betrayed.. The December that made me what I am today.. .. All the promise was just a lie..
Contents:
Betrayed
Some people don't give a damn
And some pretend to do
I thought you would never fit in,
But you did it so well.
All the sweetness all the kindness
Had its share of sourness.
It was plain betrayal
Yet, like always, there was an answer ready
The December that made me what I am today
Propelled by a crisp breeze,
I saw a miniature boat sail.
I glanced up and saw-
A pair of kites, red with a long tail.
Soaring in the sky
They danced high,
Above the tree on the west end park,
Over the windmill, floating side by side.
Like a pair of eye-
Looking down the city
Which now I call my home.
I sat on a park bench,
Near a willow tree and-
thought about something my mind just said by-
"This is the chance to be good again."
I looked up at those pair of twin kites,
And thought about it, from where it all began.
I thought of the life I had once lived,
Until the first of December that came along-
And changed my every day
For it made me what I am today.
A mind that lives without faith;
Lives without a hope,
Is sure to walk the path
In doubt.
All the promise was just a lie
You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they turn into real.
You broke a promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.
Sparkling angel, I couldn't see
Your dark intentions, your feelings for me.
Fallen angel, tell me why?
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now
No mercy no more
No remorse cause I still remember
The smile when you tore me apart
it was only love that I had
Why did you abandon me?
Why did you desert me?
What was it that you had to forsake me?
What was it that you had to relinquish?
Did you really have to desist me?
Did you really have to forgo?
For it was only love I had got for you.
Was there a scantness in what I gave you?
Was there no duty called towards me?
But this was all I had
And I gave all of it to you.
मेरे हिस्से की दे देना उसे खुशी
लेके नम तेरा
थमा था हाथ मैंने उसका
चोखट पे खड़े तेरे
जिंदगी उस के नाम करने का लिया था वादा
देख के तेरी राजा मंजूरी
सोचा, येही राह चुनी नाम तुने मेरी
फिर क्यों हे आज ऑंखें नम मेरी?
दिल में हे ये दर्द समाया क्यों?
थमा था जिसका हाथ सामने तेरे
हो गया हे कहाँ वो घूम?
हंस लेती हु फिर भी,
सोच के की यह मोड़ राह में मेरे
हे लिखी तुने ही
न पुचुंगी तुझे
की क्यों दीमुझे वो खुशी
अगर चाँद लम्हों में थी छीननी?
रहूंगी सदा आभारी की
चाँद लम्हे ही सही
एक चोटी से आख़िर दी मुझे तुने खुशी
आँखे मीचे चलूंगी उस राह पे
जो तुने मेरे नाम हे लिखी
पर,
जिसके साथ जिंदगी चलने का किया था वादा
न कम करना उस की कोई भी खुशी
हर खुशी मेरे हिस्से की
दे देना सजा के तोहफे में उसे !
My spirit fell in love with him
I opened the door with a smile
I told myself I will let him go
With my own free will if it will
bring comfort to his mind
My advise cost him nothing
For my feelings paid for them
Your arm was my castle
Your chest I considered my sky
And now, hear I stand, with nothing above my head
I find no room to live
This was the best I could do
For someone I love so dear.
Every single passing moment,
My memory runs down
Opening the treasure chest.
I see the things we laughed for,
the things we fought over
And all the moments that made our love so strong
I would fight all tides
Carry myself through any storm
As I battle with my heart
I feel you stare at me
The only thing that keeps me from moving on
It makes me weak to my knee.
Nights have passed by un-slept
I were a mask in the morning.
Sweetness is added to my voice
My glasses shield my eyes
"Wear a smile," I remind myself
Its this world that I have to mislead
Deep withing,
the night dreams are scary
Happiness masks my sadness
My black glass covers the tears.
My smile covers the sorrow
However hard I try, I can not mislead my self
Oh Lord!
I commit my love for him to you
My soul would die for him
I believe in this battle for my love,
I will win
For it was not only with my heart did I love him
It was my spirit that fell in love with him.
I gave him my heart, he returned it back in pieces...
As I sat bored up on the chair.
A stranger passed by.
We got talking, soon we started sharing
My sorrows were lost, I found all my joys in him
We laughed, we cried...
We fought and we made up.
My ma warned me ...
My brother kept discouraging me from it.
I still took the step ahead.
Sure I was that I will never regret.
Falling in love then, I knew was the best feeling ever.
It lets you know how lucky you were born
You see beauty in everything around
There's a reason to smile for everything
I knew all my prayers were answered
I received more than I deserved
Ma felt happy for me
My brother put on a false acceptance.
They wished me luck
And smiled to see me happy
But I forgot that this dream that I saw
Was just as fragile as glass
After a good nights sleep
I woke to find - strangers are never friends
Failing in love then, I knew was the worst feeling ever.
Bangalore to pune
My Dads job always fascinated me. He was in the Air Force....flew the helicopters. Often I used to ask him if he flew as high to be able to touch the clouds. I had N no. of questions about how clouds are. Was always curious if he had touched the clouds. I used to ask him if he can bring me some cloud to play with and he always answered, "if I touch the cloud, it all become water." Disappointment!!!
The memory just flashed back as I was flying from Bangalore to Pune. As I waited for the plane to taxi, I began to question myself, "how much do I like to fly?" "Do I like to fly at all?" And the answer turned out that I only fly to save time. I would rather prefer to take a train if I had great company. As these thoughts ran, I felt my stomach churn and soon realised we were taking-off. With all the geometrical figures of brown, green and blue...I felt happy that Pune is just an hour far. And my baby nephew will soon be in my arms. Within no time, the brown, green and blue patch on mother Earth was lost and the memory of me asking my father to get me a piece of cloud came back to me. We were flying on the blanket of cloud which soon looked like tiny hills on the Earth. We were targeting the vast salt desert of clouds...
Got a quick bite of sandwich and a short but relaxing nap until I heard the cabin crew lady educate us of the temperature in Pune. My watch told me that I was 10 Min's away of seeing my brother. Once again, the brown, green and blue patches began to take up the entire site and I frantically began to locate my house. Yeah I know, I was searching for a needle in the hay stack...but searching for my brothers plane... (He flyies the sukhoi's) wasn't a bad idea, especially when you want to avoid all thoughts of touch down. Touch down has never been interesting to me. But anyway... I could not find his plane either but yeah...could figure out the Sukhoi hangers. Pune at last! My wait for my brother begins. I long to see how tall my nephew has grown...
The End
I will always have you
Can you love someone so much that you let go of that person?
Like my tattoo
My love will always be for you
No matter what you say about love
No matter what you say about life
Truth will always be a stranger
With the soul forever in danger
I keep my hand in the fire
I learn every time I bleed
Sooner or later
I'll get what ever I need.
I can't waste a moment
Your love will always live with me like a token
I realize nothing is broken
I lived every second with you like its the last one
I didn't tattoo your name for nothing
You know it meant lots of thing
I will let you go
if you promise, you'll be happy for sure.
But Just like my tattoo
I will always have you.
Dragon On-duty to Bangalore
Dragon came over to Bangalore for his site visit of 3 days. And man!!! every time I see him, Cupid bombards me with his arrows. We had an amazing time with each other. Its been 5 months since I saw him but felt as if its been years. We met on Friday, 9Th and then again on Saturday and Sunday and Alas! he then had to go back to Academy. He should be in Ahemed Nagar by now, another camp. Running 50 Km, reading maps and lord knows what more.
Drag was in his walking outs on Friday (Khaki uniform). Maybe that's why lots of passer by admired him of being a security man with a flair for fantastic English ;) But to me, Dragon looked as handsome as I have known him to be. He is the smartest looking guy on Earth. Fine, many might disagree... but if seen from my eyes...you would know what I mean. A long Saturday seemed short by the evening. The next day, I drove down to Jalahalli East where he was put up. And searching for block 171 (where he was at) was the most tiring journey. But yeah, I saved him from the patti parade he was undergoing ;)
We left the camp site at around 12 and then were off to the Brigades. Had sandwiches for lunch, lots to drink and then went shopping. I must admit, he has a fantastic choice of colors and style. And he know what would look the best on me. Its fun to shop with him. Only that he is too expensive ;)
The way back to the camp site was ... well not very happy ... neither was it sad...maybe I just don't have a word for it. We stopped our car at a fishy place and man were caught :P Well we did get out of the situation. And I am proud to acknowledge that Dragon can pull out of any situation with maximum ease. Okay. That's a bit of exaggeration but still... things would have been different had he passed out of academy.
The next day was again simple fun in each others company. Met 2 of his course mates at the station. They were good and desperate to buy booze.
I bid him a bye with a deep kiss waiting for the coming 11 days to pass as quickly as they can. After 11 days, I will be in Pune with him :) Can't wait to get to Pune.
My Daddy...
somewhere in the crowd of Dads
her mother stood in tears
Proudly watching her daughter
who was wise beyond years.
It was Daddy's day at school
Her mother tried to keep her home
'cause the other kids wouldn't understand
Why she was alone.
She was but not afraid
She knew just what to say
Still her mother worried
For daddy will not come today.
Yet the girl was eager to go to school
To tell everyone about the daddy
Who she never sees
a dad who would never call.
Every child the teacher called
One by one the Dads came by
Second by second time passed
She waited for her turn to make way
At last it was her name that was called
She looked at her mom
Worried, yet she smiled
She told her to go on.
My daddy couldn't be here
'Cause he lives so far.
But I wanted all of you to know
how much he loves me so.
I love my Daddy,
He's my shining star.
If he could, he'd be here.
But the heaven is just to far.
My Dad was in the Army
He died this past year.
He faught for his Country
So we could live without fear.
A vote of thanks
Yesterday, Sunday the 20th of April, something very strange happened as I sat with Fr. Victor in his office. I saw the memories in his eyes as he spoke of the past. I smiled as I heard him recite to his friends his memory lane of what bought him amongst the people he is talking to. It was a very humorous conversation that we were into but still my eyes filled. And as I closed my eyes to Thank the Lord for all that he has given me, a sea of my past rolled down my cheek. As I cried, I knew, that these tears would lift a load off my heart. A load that I had no place to keep but carry it in my heart. I felt Fr.Venu place his hands on me, and Priya hold me by my shoulders and I cried for all that I had been carrying. I heard Fr. Victor pray for me asking the Lord to free me from what I had.
After 2 years, 2 long years, today I feel the peace I have longed for. A peace that the doctors could not give me.
I thank the Lord for giving me a wonderful family that understood me. I thank Lord for giving me such friends who stood by me when I needed them the most. And I thank you Lord, for you destined me to meet Sidh, and make me love him. I can never forget the all the love that Sidh had for me.
Today I feel light as I still feel the love for Sidh. And thank him for all he taught me. I thank him for being my brother, for being my guardian, for treating me as his child and most of all for the love that he gave me.
I am free
The wind flow through my every being
As I remain trapped inside a world that's known to many
But visited by few.
A world that often stimulates and inspires
A place of freedom and rest
Scarce of pain and
Critics judging the very gift that defines my growth.
A place I can only invite you to share, but rather be alone.
I am on the top of the world
Just me and the rhythmic patterns forming from within.
I am free once again
Don't search Happiness...search with happiness
Those long hand held walks with nothing on your minds but each other
That feeling you get when you awake to see them staring at you smiling, as if to say I finally found happiness
The ways you hold them while they are deep in slumber, convinced you are laying next to a sleeping angel
Those countless hours in the delivery room waiting to see the miracle of life
That moment when your child enters the world and you lock eyes for the first time, and you realize "Wow, I loved you before you even had a name"
The selfless act of love to accept the challenge of helping your little one get through life
Those tears shared
That freeze in the moment
The heat of passion
Those harsh times when even at life's worst, you realize you wouldn't want to endure them with anyone else
That timeless second when you think to yourself, I really want to spend forever with them
The love between you is an invisible, indestructible bond, tied by the strings of life, and wooven by the ever intertwining of woman and man
See all my life I have been searching for the way to happiness, but I was wrong
There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way
Whether it be your child, your soul mate, or a friend
There should be no love of what
Only the love of whom
And who so ever finds this
Shall come to the conclusion that any life is worth living
Any life is worth loving
And after you read this, take it personally and step outside and see what life and love has to offer you
And see the difference it makes to search with happiness
Instead of searching for it
With my past, I'm still Me
Bested at the gamble of life
He wore a shirt of summer
During the hours of this cold winter night
His memories kept him warmed of anger
In his half torn shirt pocket
Sits a picture of the familiars of his life
They had wore the same outfit for a decade
Never stopping to have meal
Never stopping for the privilege of slumber
They just sat there, smiling
Barely standing with his hands on his knees
Behind him raced the terrors of his past
Fueled of saddened sights and vile thoughts
He had grown exhausted and lost again
They always raced
He always lost
Yet, he always ran
I Am Me, he screamed
Talli time
Mojito :
3 Fresh mint spring
2 Teaspoon Sugar
3 tablespoon fresh lime juice
1 1/2 oz white rum
In a tall thin glass, crush part of the mint with a fork to coat the inside. Add the sugar and lime juice and stir thoroughly. Top with ice. Add rum and mix. Top off with *chilled* club soda (or seltzer). Add a lime slice and the remaining mint, and serve.
Long Island ice-tea: 
1 part vodka 1 part tequila 1 part rum 1 part gin 1 part triple sec 1 part fresh squeezed lemon juice 2 parts 7-Up 2 parts Coca-Cola Take a long piece of lemon rind and twist it hard to release the oils in an empty gl as s, rub it around the inside of the glass, and throw it in the bottom. Mix ingredients together over ice in a glass. Pour into a shaker and give one brisk shake. Pour back into the glass and make s ure there is a touch of fizz at the top. Limonda Caliente con ron:
1 1/2 cup water  1 cup fresh lime juice (or lemon if you prefer) 1/2 cup honey or light brown sugar to taste 1 stick cinnamon and 2-3 whole cloves 1/2 cup dark rum Garnish: lime or lemon slices Combine the water, lime juice, honey, cinnamon and cloves in a saucepan. Simmer over medium heat, stirring, until honey dissolves. Remove from heat and stir in the rum. Pour the beverage into mugs or glasses and garnish with lime slices. ON PUBLIC DEMAND: Watermelon Martini:
1 cup watermelon juice (press watermelon through a sieve or cheesecloth) 1/2 cup (4 oz) Vodka 1/4 cup simple syrup (sugar) juice of 1 lime 3 tablespoons salt (optional) 3 tablespoons sugar (optional) ice Watermelon slices, for garnish (optional) Mix together the sugar and salt if using. Wet the rim of a chilled martini glass with a piece of watermelon. Dip the rim into the sugar and salt mixture. Place the watermelon juice, vodka, lime juice, and simple syrup into a cocktail shaker. Top with ice. Shake well. Pour contents through strainer into martini glasses. Garnish with a wedge of watermelon if desired.
This feeling inside me
What is this feeling inside of me,
How did it come to me,
What happened to set it free,
When will it be gone,
Though I want it to stay,
Because it’s so much easier to find the way,
But I don’t know if it’s okay,
Don’t know what is right,
But I know I won’t change my mind,
I’ve always stuck to feelings of this kind,
Ever have I watched the thorns unwind,
And not once did I look back,
In the end all will be in vain,
But the price I pay is also my gain,
And my soul is used to the pain,
So lend me your blessing,
For I am addicted,
Prisoner of my desire,
Craving for what I know,
Will be my doom,
thoughts of the two of us.
This is for when I think of the two of us,
The twin souled magnet night,
Like prayered hands that clasp
We raise like the stars above.
To capture all, to be the one,
in kissing winds, and shared air,
Like gulping silver fish that rush.
Once again I fall in love with the wonders found,
When I think of the thoughts we share.
And gaze in pools of eyes and souls.
Senses finally at ease
Blinded by pride, you failed to see,
My tortured soul, as it writhed in agony,
Reeling from the wounds you inflicted upon me,
The pain I felt tormented me, unceasingly. But now, I have been numbed by your indifference,
Your cruelty has led to an unexpected deliverance,
Who could have known, that death of the heart would bring release?
That when it stops beating, the heart is finally at peace? How these eyes have wept before!
For now they can weep no more,
Where once they sparkled with life and gaiety.
They now stare into space, void and empty, My ears have been deafened, they no longer hear,
The whimsical melody of laughter and cheer,
The sound of silence, so frighteningly loud,
Drowns out the noise of merriment emanating from the crowd. These lips of mine shall no longer sing,
Songs of the seasons; summer and spring,
Sealed forever, they shall never again speak,
Of the joys of life that everyone seeks. My heart lies buried in a dark and unyielding grave,
No longer does it feel apprehensive or afraid,
Nay, devoid of any emotion it lies silently,
In stillness and in quiet revelry.
At times I wonder, how the greatest strength becomes the greatest weakness. The joy that the precious moments get, how torturous its absence can be. We get so used to the lingering feeling of being surrounded by your strength that it becomes the weakness.
The self-confidence that Sidh made me believe in, it seems is falling like the distance between us. I took the decision with a heavy heart, thinking the future was not meant for the two of us. That was the call of future being pre-written. Without a repent of what I lost, I am set, searching for all that that was lost. It feels like being inside a little bubble, see-through, looking out at the life flowing by.
I search for that optimism, that self-pride. I search for that lost girl who had forever know to look at the open window with fresh wind blowing in. I search for that wind now, that scent which was carried along in her life, that face that never seized to smile.
I now understand the sweetness of all his gestures, the last bunch of rose on that rainy day which swept with it all the joy. The story that was put to an abrupt end. The story now broken like the pieces of a porcelain tray.
Then passed a friend who collected the pieces in the hope of mending the tray. The damage being but too big, with a piece permanently lost. The tray would never be the same again.
Its now like diving into the deep sea. The cold in there is tremendous, with the absence of light and enveloping crushing pressure all around. The life I see flowing by through the bubble, disappearing once they move beyond arms length. the familiar world of light and breathable air and sunlight on wave now lie very far.
life goes on...
You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on
A lesson well learnt in a life time
There was then a time when each day was long,
The world a playground and life a song.
Fluttering joys with barely a care,
Ignoring the future and what lied there.
I played away the daylight and dreamed away the nights,
There was nothing I had known to give me fear.
I was happy with the blue sky, stars and moon
little did I know about life outside home
Everywhere all I saw was happiness
Singing like a bird as it flew
The bird was but hunted with an arrow
with blood on its wings I saw it fall
Tears filled my eyes as I placed the bird in my palm
That is when I realized,
Earth was not just a playground but also a burial ground.
But the heart of the bird was still beating,
will tender love and friendly care,
It sang again and showed me, sorrow was all just in vain.
I gave my heart away for a life time
I stand amidst the crowd
that call their soul their own.
Surrounded with friends and foe,
Here I stand, idle and alone.
Beneath the blue of day,
I gave my heart away.
In the sea so deep...
the world without an end has drowned.
The bloom of the flower
Gave no scent to me.
The song of the birds
Could not be heard by me.
With fearful steps I m0ve,
To see what the mirror will show...
The reflection was not me,
But just a clear face to see.
The heart I hold in my hand,
searching for a place to keep.
I don't know whether it is beating...
'Cause the pain is too strong to feel.
Friendship in people in a life time
Friends move on,
but the friendship remains.
The love that was once born
forever lives on.
The memories of fighting
and soon making up stays.
Giggling at the silly fights
and bitching around...
With the moonlit wings reflecting the stars
I remember the joy we shared
'Cause I know...
The heart out of the bosom...
Was never given in vain.
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