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NO image header at the moment ... coz SOMEONE complained T_T
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Quote of the day ~
"If you understand who you are and respect yourself, you will not see criticism as a problem but as an opportunity to become a better person. When you feel inadequate or imperfect, the criticism is threatening and makes you feel that you have to defend yourself. When you are secure--not perfect, but secure--you can listen to the criticism and consider its value."
—Dr. Bernie Siegel
I truly agree with the above. I really respect those people who are dare to admit their incapability and weaknesses. Most importantly, they are willing to accept criticism, to learn and to improve.
Recently, I've met people who refuse to accept the fact and truth. Even though the final results have already proven how far the person can go and how hard the person have tried.
The face of a person giving different excuses to defend himself is just ... plain ugly. A person that wins my respect will be the person who admits his faults and wrong doings. A person who is able to provide a solution, climb up again and take up his responsibilities.
I won't look down on you if you failed. I will only look down on you if you refuse to admit and accept the failure.
Layout changing in progress...
Special thanks to Mr CCTV for helping me to upload the template.
If you are reading this, I am in the process of updating the layout. I have to do it step by step as I am too lazy busy.
Will be back to the blogging scene very very soon =).
Stay tuned!
The Recent Me ...
It's time to change my blog title as well as the layout but I am just too lazy to do anything. Life has been ... the same. Work -> Home -> Work -> Home -> Work ... It's so bored that I wish the cycle doesn't have to be repeated.
I haven't been feeling too well for the past 2 weeks. It's hard for me to accept that I can't change the past because I am still feeling sad about certain things that have happened. The pain is just so extreme that, sometimes I wish I have never knew and met certain people in my life.
It's easier to forgive than forget. The scars are just incurable. I find it hard to trust people now.
I am just not me anymore.
I am turning into a workaholic o-0
I've changed a bit recently. The current me thinks about work all the time. I have been reaching office earlier than usual for this whole week (though 930am is not consider early to many ppl =p but I used to start at 10am >.<).
I want to start working earlier so that I can do more. I work until 8+, sometimes even 10+ at night because I feel that I haven't done enough. When I am driving, I think about how I can improve the the product, the flow of the system and how to work better with the team.
When I am back from work, I will continue with what's leftover. It's a never-ending process. What's on my mind now is to improve, to be better, to know more, to show results and most importantly - to prove myself.
I have to say, I have been inspired. I have been inspired to the extend that, I know and believe I can give so much more than what I am contributing to my job. It's not about the money (okayla, it does matter) nor the position, it's about self-recognition and belief that I can be BETTER.
Sorry, if I bored you =) but I have so much energy inside me now and I need to release partial of it here =).
~I never had a policy; I have just tried to do my very best each and every day - Abraham Lincoln~
I have a crazy thought ...
on mind now. It has been almost 6 months since I am back from London. That means I have stopped traveling for almost 6 months (Penang, Melaka and Tioman doesn't count =p).
While I was taking my shower half an hour ago, this thought suddenly came to my mind - I should not leave my backpack aside for too long. My heart is pounding quicker than usual when I thought of this because I know well that what comes next will be totally crazy!
I am not going to reveal anything yet but I have drafted out a very brief plan. It's crazy but definitely possible if I want it to happen.
This is definitely something I am looking forward to =)
To you ...
I am not sure if you read my blog.
But, I want to write this out. I've been holding back my feelings and emotions because I don't want to put all the blames on you.
It has been 5 months plus since I knew about your existence. I will never forget how I find out about you on his birthday. How you've tried so hard to contact him although you know clearly that he's with me so far away from Malaysia. How shaky was I when I find out about his betrayal.
I put all the blames on him at the very beginning. He knows that he's a man with a gf but still he has chosen to betray me to be with you. It's his fault for not being honest and loyal enough. I was heartbroken, I know things will never be the same again.
Do you know when I started to have hatred towards you? When you kept calling and smsing him at night - Europe time. Knowing that I will definitely be next to him. Sending intimate sms to him begging for his return. I know you were sad because he's no longer next to you and he's with his gf. But shouldn't you have expected or be prepared for this since the day you have chosen to be with him?
I was so angry and sad why did you choose to hurt me - someone you have not known because of your own desire. Will the happiness last if it's being obtained through your selfishness? I had my worst ever 2 weeks in Europe. I was so scared to see him on his phone because I knew there will be miscalls and sms from you.
You knew he has a gf, you knew everything's gonna come to an end but you wouldn't accept it. You chose to fight for something that's not belong to you at all. You chose to hurt someone who's innocent. You chose to disobey the rules.
The thumbdrive that you left in his car. The content within it. The things that you have done just to win him back. All your actions disgusted me. Seriously, if the guy really wants and love you, you don't have to fight so hard. Even hurting someone who's has done no wrong to you.
Then, I was being told that you have been diagnosed with cancer. When I knew about this, I really feel that I was acting in a TVB drama, unwillingly. I had enough of all these craps. I chose to give up and you can take whatever you want.
I never thought of fighting with you. Never. If he choose to leave, I will let him go. I've never forced him to stay because I've learned from my lesson. There's no point for me to do so, if he's not meant to be with me.
Tell me, what did you get after all you have done? You mentioned in the special created diary for you and him that you will never forced him to leave his gf to be with you even though you know he might do it for you. But with all the things that you have done to hurt me, isn't that a big contradiction?
& I don't understand how can you accept your bf to love 2 persons at the same time? I can't. Love should be beautiful and everyone should be loyal to their loved ones. Sometimes I do suspect you want him because you don't like losing.
Perhaps, I should thank you. Thank you for showing me a clearer picture of how weak our relationship was.
Last but not least, I hope you are happy with your life now. Not sure if you have managed to win his love. I wish you all the best - I hope you can find someone who really loves you and belongs to you. Don't be a 3rd party again, you will never know how much it hurts to have your loved one betraying you.
Oops! I am back...lol
Sorry for not updating this blog. I've been going through a tough time.
The price to pay for leaving Malaysia for so long - a 4-year relationship.
ahem, so, it's tough. I am not discouraging you from applying the visa, it's just that there are many things to consider before making your final decision.
If you ask me again whether I would still choose to go UK in the first place knowing this will happen, I can straight away tell you that, I WILL. It's a once in a life time experience plus since I've already done it - like what William Hung says "I've got no regrets!".
I will revive this blog again...give me some time..I will be back =)
Leaving UK in 2 days
It's a rather sad ending for me ...
I never thought that I will have to leave with such a heavy heart.
I wished I could stay now. Too many obstacles ahead and too many decisions to be made.
I really really feel like just letting go.
Coz I am afraid of failure and I have lost trust.
Back to London ~
Yes, after 1 week + of non-stop traveling - I am back to London. I miss London so much. At least I don't have any communication problems here -_- Summary of my trip:
Berlin - Lovely people and nice (cheap) local food. Oh, and the so famous Berlin Wall.
Prague - This is the most beautiful country out of the 4
Vienna - Gosh, people that I've met are rude, things are expensive and I even argued with an old man in the toilet (will elaborate about this when I have time)!!! Don't think I will go back again.
Budapest - Something different compare to other central Europe countries. Really old buildings, underground & etc etc. I enjoyed walking in the biggest market.
No time to write a longer entry, I will leave London again tomorrow morning. Sorry as I have no time to reply to comments & chat msgs. You can email me at slimmestleg@gmail.com . I will be damn free to reply your email @ the beginning of Nov....haha..sleeping time.
Hiya!!!!!!!!! Greetings from Prague =)
How's everyone doing? I am using the hostel Internet now. Typing slowly coz I need to figure out the keys on the keyboard (Czech keyboard..-____-)
By the way, I got bitten again ..this time my left ear is swollen. WHY? I have asked myself that question so many times -___-.
I got to go now. We will be heading to the Prague Castle. Have a great Sunday everyone!
Very busy ...
Today is my last working day in London!
Thursday I will be off to Berlin following by 2 weeks travelling.
Have shipped some of my stuffs back to Malaysia.
Now I am busy preparing my upcoming trips - have to do lots of research - tiring.
But from tomorrow onwards, I don't have to wake up early for work...something to look forward to =).
Sorry about the bits and pieces...I am just too busy...(yes, it's an excuse :p)
Bed Bugs are Back!
Forgive me for not blogging properly. With the return of my "best friends", I have no mood time to blog. I CAN'T WAIT to ENTERTAIN them and make sure they go to hell home happily. Especially when they have brought me lovely gifts - 5 bites on my left hand, 2 bites on the right hand and 2 bites on my right leg. How can I not thank them in return!!!
So kind of them to visit me at the beginning of this chilly autumn. They must have been thinking by lingering on me in the midnight will warm me up. Pierces through my skin to injects its saliva and suck my blood to ensure that I won't oversleep. Leaving me with red itchy lumps love marks to represent its undying love. Love that has been following me since my arrival in London. Oh, how can I not be touched?!
I can't stop cursing missing them every time I scratch caress the lumps love marks. I can't wait to tell the whole world I hope you will rot in hell love you! I can't wait to squeeze you to death to see my own blood, remember it's my blood and you have not ask my permission before you suck it hard in my arms to feel your existence no point hiding, it's just a matter of time for you to say bye bye to this world.
Just remember I love you just f**k off!
Bitten by Bugs Again!
Yes, this time is my left hand.
It's swelling now and I can't stop scratching it.
My hand is painful and stiff when I try to move it.
It seems like I am loved by the insects here.
I have done all I can do, cleaned the bed sheets, changed my pillowcase and vacuum my sleeping area. The bug is still around and I have no idea how does it look like. This is worse than my previous bed bugs case -_-.
Will be back when I feel like typing more. Tired. I have taken the antihistamine tablet that makes me feel drowsy and sleepy. Nitez all.
A Bad Week for Me
Sometimes I do wonder how not-so-good-things (I don't want to say bad coz I know I am luckier than many ppl in this world!) can happen to me all at once.
1. Bitten by mysterious bugs - My right hand was swollen and I couldn't stop scratching my hand. It was so itchy that I scratched my hand subconsciously while I was sleeping. The red blotches started to spread the next day and I was forced to take medicine. It's better now but my left hand is still scratching my right hand (why does this sound so wrong -_-?).
I realised I am so prone to being bitten by bugs in London - beg bugs, spiders & all kind of weird bugs. I don't know why. The only explanation is - London hates me. Actually my cousins experienced the same thing as well but I am always the one with serious allergy.
2. Hostelworld Booking error - I was surfing Hostelworld for the past few days and realised their system has a very serious bug. If you open Hostelworld in multiple windows at the same time and search for different information, the data in the 2nd and the following windows will be overwritten by the first one. Don't geddit?
Let's say I search for Berlin and then start a new window to search for Prague, when I tick the availability/rates/whatever options for Prague - all the info (list of hostels in this case) dislayed will change to Berlin's "myraculously"! Because of this bug, I have booked the wrong date for my accommodation in Berlin and they have charged 6.90 Euros on my credit card -___- I have to emailed the hostel to inform them to change the dates and I am glad they did reply my email at the end T_T. Praying that I have a place to stay when I am in Berlin.
3. Oyster Card Fault - I secretly despise people when their Oyster Cards are not working and they block the ways of others. So I tell you now, believe in karma because this happened to me yesterday! I walked to the tube staff and told him my Oyster is not working. Normally, the staff will just use their Oyster pass to let me through but this ignorant man asked me "what number?". I was stunned coz I didn't know what the heck he's asking. He asked again rudely and took my Oyster pass. Finally, he let me through using his Oyster pass. I just don't understand why he didn't do that in the first place and has to show me his rude behaviour -_-. Hopeless.
4. Work - Made a few mistakes. Minor ones but undeniable I've created them! How can I be so careless? Communication has been a problem for me as well. I've tried and I am near to giving up as I will be leaving soon...how sad.
5. Takeaway job - My boss decided to close down his shop. He sold his business to someone else. So I've lost my part time job and maybe around £100+ for this month. I feel sad not because of the money (part of it maybe), it saddens me to think that I can no longer eat the food he cooks! haiz...but he said it's a relief to let it go, so I can just wish him all the best as a friend.
I know what are my problems:
- I care too much
- I worry too much
- I want to please everyone though I know it's impossible
- I want everyone to like me
- I am lacking of confidence
- I am anti-social sometimes
- I am too cool -_- or you can say shy
- I am pessimistic
- I have hot temper
- I am lazy
- I don't dare to take risk
- I always follow the rules and I am sick of it
- I hate my sensitive skin
and the list goes on.
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