1. Long back,
 a person who sacrificed his sleep,
 forgot his family,
 forgot his food,
 fogot laughter were called
 ”Saints”
 But now they are called..
 ”IT professionals”

2. An interesting line written at the back of a Biker’s T Shirt:
 ” If you are able to see this, Please tell me that
 my galfriend has fallen off”
        
3. Most Relationships fail not because of the absence
 of love..
 Love is always present..
 Its just that,
 One loves too much,
 and
 The other loves too many,

4. Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please
 increase my salary..!
 BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents
 occuring outside the company..!

5. *Philosophy of life*
 At the begining of married life, every gal treats
 her husband as GOD,
 Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

6. *What is a Fear?*
 Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
 When pages of your book still smell new
 and
 Just few hours left for your exams..!

7. *Jus4Fun*
 Someone has rightly said, “A fool can ask More
 questions that a wise man
 cannot answer”
 No Wonder why so many of us speechless when
 lecturers ask question..!

8. Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
 Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says
 ”To the only boy I ever loved.!”
 Girl: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!

9. After reading the form filled by an applicant..
 The employer said: ” WE do have an opening for you..!
 Applicant: What is it?
 Interviewer: Its called the “door..!”

10. A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
 *  Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee…
 ….. Leave them to us*

WHERE TO TAP
Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed? The ship’s owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship’s owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed! A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.
“What?!” the owners exclaimed. “He hardly did anything!”
So they wrote the old man a note saying, “Please send us an itemized bill.”
The man sent a bill that read:

Tapping with a hammer …………………… $              2.00
Knowing where to tap ………………………. $       9998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference

All of these are quotes by Chanakya who was an Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC.

“A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are hooked first. “
” Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venemous”.

“The biggest Guru-mantra is” Never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you.”

“Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead.”

“As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it.”

“The world’s biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman.”

“Once you start a working on something, don’t be afraid of failure and don’t abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest.”

“The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction.”

“God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple.”

“A man is great by deeds, not by birth.”
“Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness.”

“Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends.”

“Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person.”
“Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth.”

1. What is height of Fashion?
Ans : Dhoti with a zip .

2. What is height of Secrecy?
Ans : Offering blank visiting cards.

10. What is Height of Kanjoosi ?
Ans : Banta’s house has caught fire and he is giving miss calls to the Fire brigade!!!

…………………..

Aries Employee Profile (march 21 - april 19)
Aries employees make excellent troubleshooters.They’ll usually want to be out in the field at a variety of different work sites fixing things. They certainly won’t be happy for very long behind a desk in a 9 to 5 schedule. The bored Aries employee who has been forced into a square hole will typically be restless, angry, and careless with details. No amount of money would compensate for being stuck in a routine job. Money in fact isn’t why they are working at all. They do want to be paid fairly and need a status position to satisfy their competitive tendencies–but even more importantly, they’ll want challenging new projects They typically like to have a sense of responsibility and need to feel needed. In return, they’ll give their all and provide detailed, consistent work. They will literally work themselves to exhaustion to prove themselves. If you want to keep your Aries co- worker productive and happy, you’ll want to give them the opportunity to work independently or let them help and lead less experienced workers.
Taurus Employee Profile (april 20 - may 20)
Taureans make some of the best employees. They are loyal, hardworking, and no-nonsense.
They work methodically and follow projects through until they are complete.
Some may appear to work a little too slowly-usually because they are so careful-but they will always finish what they start.
They thrive on structure, schedules, and routine. You’ll find them doing the same exact thing at the same time every day.
Taureans, however, are not exactly the malleable workers that they often appear to be.
If they have to work in a chaotic environment, they won’t be happy and will be prone to child-like temper tantrums and stubb ornness. They might react similarly if they have to work around ignorant people or at a job where there is no obvious potential for advancement. Taureans will be very unhappy if there isn’t a ladder for them to climb. Even in the worst situations, they will find a way to advance slowly, winning over the most difficult people who may stand in their way of progress.
Taurus employees will only take so much patiently and happily before they feel they are being taken advantage of.
They will gladly accept orders and do whatever dirty work needs to get done, but they expect rewards.
They want material gain, salary increases, and the potential for more power.
To make your Taurus employees happy, be sure to give them projects through which they will see tangible results-hopefully something that will allow them to express their unique creativity in addition to their practical side.
They don’t want to feel mired in details for long periods of time. Make sure to schedule regular performance and salary reviews.
This show of respect should keep them loyal to the company.
Gemini Employee Profile (may 21 - june 21)
Gemini employees can have difficulty concentrating on one thing for long periods of time.
They have quick-moving minds and love to talk and communicate their ideas with others. They thrive on social interaction — even if their jobs don’t particularly support it. You’ll be able to find them wandering from desk to desk gossiping about all the sordid news in the office. They can be powerful persuaders in their speech and make ideal salespeople and mediators. They love to negotiate and can work out the best Deal for everyone involved. When properly stimulated, they can manage to keep their wandering mind focused and actually be quite productive. When they are bored, bogged down with mundane detail-work, or forced to work with people who they consider droll, they can become mean-spirited and gossipy. Their moods can fluctuate vastly day to day, as well as their productivity. It is really against t heir nature to be forced into an average workday schedule and environment. They are happier travelling. lf they are in an office they will need constant new stimulation. Most will be wanting advancement if they see this as a way to escape the limitations of their jobs. This can motivate them to put extra effort into their job. If you work with a Gemini, try to avoid getting into any debates with them they will surely win and it could end in some hard feelings on your part. They will need an accepting environment-one that supports their need for multi-tasking.

Cancer Employee Profile (June 22 - July 21)
The Cancer employee isn’t at work to feed their ego — their job is just a job and a means to get paid.
They work steadily and are usually very reliable. You’ll be able to depend on them to show up on time and do what is necessary.
They won’t get involved in power struggles or get upset when someone advances before them.
They are able to accept the situation because they see it simply as a rung on the ladder up.
Their motivation is security. They’ll want more money the longer they’ve stayed at a job.
They don’t want to have to worry about how they’ll make ends meet tomorrow so they’ll need a stable position without much risk. Cancerian workers can slip into some dark moods on occasion. During these periods productivity tends to drop-as well as everyone else’s in the office. Their moods can be so strong everyone becomes affected. To avoid the frequency of these occurrences,managers and co-workers should try to make the work environment as homey as possible-keep it well heated, cozy, and friendly.
Don’t press them to reveal their true inner thoughts-their tendency is to be secretive and protective,and they could see prying as an attempt to disturb their security.

Leo Employee Profile (july 22 - august 21)

Leo workers want to be first and at the center of the office.
Even if they can’t lead, they’ll look for every opportunity to increase their own status and if someone else seems ahead of them, look out. They will make it clear that they aren’t happy by pouting and complaining.
They want advancement so much that they’ll take on more responsibility and carry a heavier load than anyone else does in the office. And they are self-promoters. It is likely that they are telling everyone in the office what a great job they are doing as well as giving everyone unwanted advice.
They know they are superior and want everyone to know it as well.
This arrogance can sometimes cause problems when working with management.
But typically, they are just hard workers out to demonstrate just how good they really are.
They thrive in sales positions - they can promote a product or company just as well as they promote themselves.
Their strength and arrogance isn’t just show either.
In a crisis situation, Leos really demonstrate their true courage.
Leos want to lead and will be pushing for more responsibility and rewards.
They are happy to train and mentor new co- workers as they enjoy giving advice and being in positions of authority.
If you are trying to manage a Leo employee, you’ll need to give them plenty of praise, responsibility, and independence.
They will certainly want to help lighten your load of management responsibilities.
Just be careful- the next thing you know they could be taking over your job.

Virgo Employee Profile (august 22 - september 22)
In the right situations Virgos love to work. They make ideal employees, happily working late into the night to make sure everything is perfect and in order. If you are looking for an employee who doesn’t mind starting from rock bottom in the most entry-level position at the company, hire a Virgo. They’ll have no complaints about the position being beneath them. They are CONTENT with basic, honest hard work. Their contentment isn’t always apparent, however.. They love to complain and worry. They are quick to criticize the way things are done around the office and are the first ones to grumble disapprovingly at what they consider to be extravagance or laziness. They are blunt and honest and don’t mince words over what they feel just isn’t right. Usually, this will be brought on by someone doing
a half-baked job or not being considerate of other co-work ers. You’ll want to constantly reassure them, but this will do little to quell their
anxieties. They actually enjoy worrying, and there is little you can do about it. Just give them a detail - oriented project and let them work
alone on it. You won’t have to supervise a Virgo worker. They’ll check all the facts before getting started and catch their own errors when they are done. To keep a Virgo employee happy, you should also make sure their environment is orderly and calm. You should also provide small gestures of appreciation. They don’t need extravagance, just let them know you appreciate them in small ways that won’t embarrass them. They will  probably just shrug their shoulders and say, “It’s no big deal.” But deep down inside they need these little reassurances.

Libra Employee Profile (september 23 - october 22)
Libra employees are detailed, dedicated workers with sensitive natures. Managers and co-workers sometimes find them difficult to get a handle on. They pick up the energy of the office and are unable to prevent it from affecting them. Loud noise, flashy colors, and discordant vibrations will put them off so much that they will have difficulty fulfilling their obligations at work.
One day they may seem like the most bright, hardworking, ambitious employee around. The next day they might be down, irritated, and unable to produce. Co-workers shouldn’t fret when Libra employees are in a dark mood. It really won’t last, as a happy state of mind can come over them just as quickly. When Libra employees are in a balanced frame of mind, they can be a powerful presence at work-they have a way of gracing everything they touch. Underneath that mess of moods, they really are basically happy and stable people. They are capable of profound logical thought and evaluate all sides of a situation before acting. They are one of the most intelligent Signs around. They are expert researchers and mediators. And their sensitivity to their environment makes them naturals at keeping things looking great. They will easily help others resolve conflicts and can act as a go-between with workers and management so that everyone ends up happy. If you want to keep your Libran worker smiling, give them the respect they are due and put them in a position where they can project their great charm and diplomacy. They won’t be CONTENT to take orders for very long, either- make sure they are given increased
responsibility.

Scorpio Employee Profile (october 23 - november 21)
Scorpio employees usually exude a quiet self-confidence. They are self-sufficient and do not depend on others for a sense of self-worth. They keep their private life separate from work and take complete responsibility for their actions and their situation. They don’t make excuses; they just take care of business and expect everyone else to do the same. Those who don’t, co- workers and managers- will have to endure the Scorpio wrath. They don’t mind being completely vocal about what they feel is wrong with any given situation. And if you tread on their fire be sure to expect retaliation. They won’t take insults or opposition lying down. If you manage a Scorpio employee, be sure to follow through with your word and don’t break any promises-Scorpio is keeping track and building up some heavy resentments
against you if you do. You may not even be aware of it until too late-but when Scorpio gets too m uch, you’ll be sure to know. Scorpio
employees will react towards those around them exactly as they are treated. When they get what they want, they will be very accepting. If
you are trying to work with or motivate a Scorpio co-worker, be sure to treat them respectfully and act professionally. Give them challenging work that allows them to utilize their awesome self-confidence and courage.

Sagittarius Employee Profile (november 22 - december 21)
The Sagittarian employee is head strong, cheerful, and willing to help. They exude self-confidence and take on tasks like there’s no tomorrow. They are willing to tackle even the toughest of projects as long as it is challenging and gets them out of the routine. Lucky for them, their shining personalities and honest enthusiasm seem like a bright spot in the office- otherwise co-workers might begin to build animosity towards someone so arrogant and extravagant. Their tendency to exaggerate and take on more then they can handle usually results in missed deadlines and dropping the ball-not because they are lazy of procrastinate, but because their enthusiasm just gets the better of them sometimes. Don’t let their nonchalance fool you-they really do care about what they are doing. They just have an easy-going attitude that allows them to keep on smiling even when they just messed up big time. Just because they are flexible and easy-going doesn’t mean they won’t tell you exactly how they feel-what  is working for them and what isn’t. And they won’t just blindly take orders - they need to understand the method and reason behind the process. If you are trying to motivate your Sagittarian employee, be sure
to feed them plenty of challenging new projects and hint that some business trips might be on the horizon once deadlines are met. And
whatever you do, try not to question their intentions - it is the quickest way to make them upset. They aren’t capable of deceit.

Capricorn Employee Profile (december 22 - january 20)
A Capricorn employee with too much to do is a happy worker. They need plenty of projects and responsibility. There is no sadder sight than a Capricorn worker without a sense of responsibility. They need to be needed. They are covertly ambitious - usually not flashy or obvious about it-but you will usually know that they are serious and determined about advancing themselves. They are completely scrupulous, so much so that they can be self-disparaging. But they are no pushovers. They can wear down even the toughest customers. Their persistence is incredible. Once they set their sights on a goal, they work away at it until the bitter end-whether the goal be that hard sell or the new hardware release. Capricorns don’t work for free, however. They expect to be paid handsomely and be given more and more responsibility. They need to come out ahead of the pack in the end, and they see the work environment as their primary vehicle. They won’t go in for the typical office gossip and politics, though. They want to get down to business at work and see it as no place for fooling around. With a strong sense of duty and respect towards their superiors, it is rare they will join in on boss-bashing or knocking the system. They can get frustrated, however, with blue sky management schemes that lack common sense, and they will interject their dry sense of humor in the most critical ways. If they want change, they will be unyielding. If all their effort leads to naught the result will be deep moods of darkness and depression with a sense of hopelessness. Keep your Capricorn employee happy by paying them fairly and giving them plenty of hard work. Arrange for a path of advancement within your organization for them. If you don’t, you might find them looking for other opportunities.

Aquarius Employee Profile (january 21 - february 19)
The Aquarius employee can’t tolerate unfairness in the office. Hair brained schemes will get the positive attention they deserve if an Aquarian has anything to do with it. They’ll try to help everyone see the good side of a bad situation if it’s the last thing that they do. They are so smart-they can’t help but hold management in disdain if they feel that they are being unfair and unintelligent. It isn’t that they are overly ambitious and think they could be doing a better job- just that they think people in power should know better.
Most Aquarius workers are still looking for themselves and will want to try their hand at a variety of jobs in the workplace.
Whatever they are doing, they will do conscientiously. They usually have strict personal codes that include a strong work ethic.
Their bright, off-beat intelligence, and trustwothiness will typically gain them many friends-in and out of work.
Beneath that sometimes odd-ball behavior is solid, concrete thinking and sensitivity to co-workers.
Keep your smart Aquarius co-worker happy by giving them plenty of opportunity to learn news kills.
Raises are less important to them. No amount of  money will make it worth their while to stay in a stagnant position.
Don’t let them get too bored or they will simply find another job as easily as they found this one-their genius is easy to spot.

Pisces Employee Profile (february 20 - march 20)
The Pisces employee can be a loyal and hard-working, if unconventional, worker. In the right position, they are able to keep their daydreams in check and buckle down on the detail work-giving their all to the boss and corporation whom they feel are worthy of devotion. On the flip side, there is no image of  extreme misery like that of an ill-placed Pisces worker. They will act as though their cubicle were a prison cell as they daydream of their own business or next vacation. Unhappy Pisces workers usually won’t stick around too long. Often Pisceans will drift from one job to another looking for that ideal environment to which they will be able to commit and feel a sense of purpose. And if things are going in a bad direction at the office, Pisces will be the first to sense it.
They’d rather pick up and leave then wait until the problem reaches a head. Pisces are often misunderstood by their co-workers. Typically timid and introspective, they usually keep their true nature hidden, for fear it wouldn’t fit  with the corporate culture.
What motivates a Pisces employee to not only stick around but also excel? Try compliments. And show them how their work impacts the entire organization. They need to know that what they are doing is worth something on a grander scale. Acceptance of their unconventional organization and planning will be necessary. Just because their sales report isn’t in the typical format doesn’t mean it is any less effective. Keep their environment bright and upbeat; and an after-work cocktail wouldn’t hurt.