Hey, as you’ve all noticed we’ve been lacking a bit on updates and podcasts.  Sorry about that.  Given the state of affairs with our home renovations (which we’re doing ourselves, not paying someone else to do) we simply haven’t had a lot of time recently, and what little time we have is better spent enjoying ourselves and relaxing than posting and doing the show.  We’ll get back on the horse sooner or later, and posts are still coming when we have time, but in the interim, pardon our dust.

The past seven years have not been a good time to be an American. Prejudice and bigotry are at a long time high, due in part to divisive tactics by our current administration since 9/11 and a general aversion to and fear of anything brown. I remember after the planes hit the WTC buildings thinking it was horrible, but when Bush announced his “war on terror” it only got worse. While other people were screaming for blood and vengeance, I was yelling “no no no!” My feelings haven’t changed since then, and it would appear I was right.

The war on terror has only brought our country misery. Wasted expense, our dignity as a country, our ties with our allies, all of it has been strained. Adding insult to injury has been the housing boom and bust, leaving many in foreclosure or a single missed payment away from homelessness. You can call me unpatriotic if you want, but as an American, I don’t think I’ve had much to be proud of in the last few years.

It’s seemed like ever since the Al Quaida attacks in September of 2001, our administration has been stuck on “reactionary” mode. We mourn every year for the loss of a few thousand people. More than that have already been killed in the meaningless “war” that followed. More than that die everyday from a variety of causes. I’ve never understood why we’re so stuck on it as a country. Are we that vain? You don’t see us annually sobbing over the Timothy Mcveigh bombing, the D.C. snipers, or any other terrorist acts. Why was 9/11 pushed so hard? Why is it more important to fixate on the past than to look toward the future?

In the meantime, while we’ve all been stuck in the past, presently our country is falling to shit. Gas prices are at an all time high and we’re hardly working on viable alternatives because the oil companies have their hands in too many pockets. While the Gigaport Project goes on in Netherland, while Japan sends up satellites proposing possibilities for fast and economic internet service to all citizens, we sit on our hands while some areas of our country can barely get basic satellite or are still using dial-up services. In China they’re developing an artificial sun underground while most of us can’t even pull our asses away from the TV. We no longer innovate. As Americans, the majority of us sit on our hands, waiting to be spoon fed the “next big thing” all the while being encouraged to shop and consume rather than to create.

As we hope for the possibilities of electric cars or other hybrids to elevate the oil crisis, we don’t even consider that our electric grid is unequipped to handle the strain. Some companies are discussing running fiber optic lines in our sewers as a means to get fast ethernet out to as many people as possible, but it’s simply a means to make a quick buck, as many of said sewers are collapsing, rickety, and in desperate need of replacement.

As we consume more and more without innovating and renovating, our country’s status as a superpower is diminishing every day while our infrastructure collapses beneath us. We’re standing on a future sinkhole, knowing or not, that it is collapsing and we’re going to be sucked in with all the surrounding muck. Inflation and housing prices increase so rapidly that to be a homeowner requires your left leg and first-born child as a requisite for preapproval these days.

Even education is becoming unreasonably expensive. The average cost of college has gone up between 40-50% just since I was a student, and that was only a few years ago. Averages for inflation state it should increase between 2 and 4 percent a year, but just in the two years after I left University of Delaware, tuition at my former college jumped 29 percent. What are our children going to do? Only the wealthiest people are going to be able to afford college, and for all the statistics touting that those with degrees have more lifetime earning potential, more and more the cost of getting that degree is canceling out the benefits. Even in our primary schools funding is being misallocated, or is simply not there. Our children are getting second and third rate educations all while art and music programs are cut and creativity and the idea of “thinking outside the box” is stifled so we can raise good little drones.

This is not the America I grew up believing in. We need reforms on housing prices, health care, education standards, foreign policy, our reliance on oil, and the list just goes on. We need to change our attitudes and our consumption to make it more in line with supply. We need to start thinking about the future and what our role in it can be. We need to change, and we need to make our leaders and elected officials responsible for their actions, along with the companies they’re bailing out.

We need to change and we need to wield the power that’s rightfully ours. This country was founded on revolution, but in modern days we’ve all become so complacent that it’s a wonder there are even any folks left to stand and fight for a cause.

I found this article at News.Com. I don’t care what this article says. We’re going make babies anyway

Happiness plummets with kids’ arrival

By Adam Bennett - May 08, 2008 02:42pm

MARRIAGE is a constant source of joy, but introducing children into the relationship will send your happiness in a downward spiral, a conference has been told.

Marriage, money and children were conventionally considered to be the cornerstone of happiness but such thinking did not stand up to scientific scrutiny, Harvard University psychology professor Daniel Gilbert told the Happiness and its Causes conference in Sydney today. According to scientific and economic research, only marriage proved to be a constant source of joy. “Figures show that married people are in almost every way happier than unmarried people - whether they are single, divorced, cohabiting,” Prof. Gilbert said.

“Married people live longer, married people earn more money per capita, married people have more sex and enjoy it more. “Married people seem to be happier on every dimension that you can imagine.”

Money can also buy happiness - just not as much happiness as people think.

“Money buys you a lot of happiness first and then it buys you less and less - every dollar buys you less happiness as the dollar before, and you reach a point where money is doing almost nothing for your happiness,” Prof Gilbert said. “But it’s never the case that more money makes you sadder. If you get millions and millions you never get depressed about it.”

And despite the belief that children were the apples of our eyes, they actually had a negative impact on happiness. The more kids you had, the sadder you were likely to be, Prof. Gilbert said.

US and European studies had shown that people’s happiness did spike while they were expecting a baby but sharply plummeted after the child was born. The low point came when children reached the ages of 12-16, and recovered only when they had flown the coop, he said. “In reality … children do seem to increase happiness as long as you’re expecting them, but as soon as you have them, trouble sets in,” he said. “People are extremely happy before they have children and then their happiness goes down, and it takes another big hit when kids reach adolescence. “When does it come back to it’s original baseline? Oh, about the time the children grow up and go away.”

Explaining why the statistics conflicted with most people’s view of parenthood, Prof Gilbert made the unusual comparison to buying a pair of Armani socks. “When people own Armani socks they can’t stop telling you they are the best socks, the most amazing socks,” he said. “(But) I suspect that one of the reasons that people who own Armani socks think they are wonderful is because they have paid $85 for a pair.

“The psychologists tell us that we like things more when we pay for them - what does that sound like? It sounds like children. We pay for them in time, attention, blood, sweat and tears - what kind of idiots would we be to devote all of that to the rearing of our young if they’d didn’t bring us some happiness?”

The fact that parenthood crowded out all other things in life could explain why we considered children our greatest source of joy, he said.

“Parents tell me all the time that: `My child is my greatest source of joy’,” he said.

“My reply is that: `Yes, when you have one source of joy, it’s bound to be your greatest’.”

Somebody mentioned Lauryn Hill in ABC’s last post, Thoughts On Colorism: “Blue Vein” Societies, Felicity mentioned she was disappointed in BET for not showing more of women like Alek Wek and Lauryn Hill. This reminded me of something long buried in my memory that nobody I’ve asked seems to remember about Lauryn Hill. I know this is old stuff here, but it just randomly popped into my head.

Does anyone remember a particularly racist comment she made in the mid-nineties? She supposedly made it on MTV news, paraphrased, she said “I’d rather starve my own children than have a white person buy one of my albums.” Now, I actually heard this comment on the radio. Not from a DJ, but a recording of Hill’s own voice, her own words. Obviously, this comment has been brushed under the rug. When she was with the Fugees in the early to mid-nineties she was somewhat militant, and has distanced herself a bit from that image in recent years. Whenever I’ve mentioned it, almost nobody remembers it and just thinks I’m crazy. Plus, even if it’s remembered, people don’t want to acknowledge it or claim it’s a rumour or lie because of the good she’s done in the black community and elsewhere.

I just find it strange when stuff like this just vanishes without a trace. This statement was the reason I never bought “Miseducation.” Which is a shame since I love the Fugees to this day, and while I’m not a big fan of her solo work, I think Lauryn Hill is an extremely talented artist.

Sure enough, after I thought about this I looked her up in Wikipedia. Well I’ll be damned, this is what I found:

Alleged racist statements

A unsubstantiated rumor circulated that Hill made the following racist statement: “I would rather have my children starve than have white people buy my albums”. MTV publicly disclaimed the quotation, and after a discussion on The Howard Stern Show, Hill herself called in to the show from Norway to refute it.[20] Hill has repeatedly asserted in interviews that the rumor is false, that she never made such statements, would never make such statements, and that she is in no way racist.[21]

I used to listen to the Howard stern show every morning from 10-12th grade, and sproradically in years before that, since my buddy that I dormed with was a fan of the show. I actually heard this comment on the radio (and the later discussion of it on the Stern show) and was completely shocked by it. Nobody has ever believed me about it, it’s nice to have a bit of at least pseudo-confirmation. That shit wasn’t “alleged,” it happened. I heard it, and now at least I know I’m not crazy for it.

Below is a clip from the Howard Stern interview. She doesn’t deny that she said it outright, she just claims her words were taken out of context. I swear she backpedals like she’s on a unicycle. Unfortunately I can’t find audio of her original words. I’m going to keep looking, but I doubt it’s gonna come up. When I told ABC about it, she actually found an mp3 of it online, only for it to be a dead link. Somehow I doubt I’m going to have better luck.

Following the Emancipation members the small Black upper and upper-middle classes formed elite groups that were known as “Bon Ton” or “Blue Vein” societies. These societies existed in dozens of US cities and were rumored to only admit members whose veins were visible from the surface of the skin. Light skin wasn’t the only criteria for admittance money and power also played a part as well. The members of these societies prized their advantages in society and encouraged it by holding balls and events where mulattos and light-skinned blacks of affluence could find suitable marriage partners.

The image above is from Charles Waddle Chesnutt’s book “The Wife of His Youth and Other Stories of the Color Line“. When I read the story “The Wife of His Youth” I had mix feelings. The main character is Mr. Ryder. He is considered the “Dean of the Blue Vein Society”. He’s charismatic and favored among his fellow members. In the story Mr. Ryder has a secret from his past. He was once married to a dark skinned black woman *GASP*. His former wife appears on his doorstep looking for him, but he denies that he is the man she is looking for.

Mr. Ryder becomes pensive after being confronted by his past. He then presents the dilemma he is having in the form of a hypothetical scenario to his party guests. He tells a heart moving story about a young man who is separated from his older wife when he runs away from slavery. The young man then finds out that his wife has been sold to another slave owner. He attempts to find her but is unsuccessful. The young man then travels North and creates a new life for himself. He asks his party guests should the wife be acknowledged even if:

“he was young, and she much older than he; that he was light, and she was black; that their marriage was a slave marriage”.

The party guests all agree that this man should be true to himself and acknowledge this woman despite the circumstances. Mr. Ryder then presents the “wife of his youth” to his guests. At the end I felt admiration and as well as disappointment for the character. I admired his courage in face of social ostrization by admitting that he had been with a woman deemed not of his “stock”. At the same time I’m disappointed that his knee-jerk reaction was to lie and then feel out his fellow “blue veins” on whether he should acknowledge her at all. From my point of view this story was speaking to the black affluent class of the day to challenge their thinking. Unfortunately, the attitudes that influenced this story and these special societies are still affecting us today.

The issues we’ve encountered as an interracial couple are many. The staring, comments and behavior are only part the equation as I see it. We get reactions from all races. The reaction vary in its degree of distaste, confusion and hatred. My twin has already spoken on our issue with some white women. To be honest before I met my husband my bad experiences with white women were zero. The same type of women who would of chatted it up with me in a checkout line or clothing store isle now give me looks of disgust when I’m with my husband.

When they see my husband and I together they realize that their view on love isn’t as liberal as they once thought it was. They see my rich cinnamon next to my husband’s frost white and the world turns upside down for them. They don’t understand the attraction. The person may not be consciously aware of a beauty standard only that they know that I am not it. In their minds something is wrong. If it’s a woman she may take it upon herself to flirt with my husband or try to ignore me all together. She’s still working off the assumption that since I am darker than what is considered “appropriate” my husband had made a “social error”. (*Note: I make this observation based seeing other IR couples of similar shades being treated better and more fairly)

Even when it comes to people who in an IRR they still use the “skin tone” test as marker for what is acceptable and what is not. They believe that they’re free of bigotry and colorism because they’re in an IRR, but it isn’t as simple as that. Recent comments on this blog has given me a deeper understanding of why I have encountered bigotry from “liberal thinking” people. I’ve read email from women who don’t argue that black women are beautiful as long as they not “preferred” over white women. What hypocrisy! One of our frequent commenters insists that her husband is the “good black man” out of all the bad ones. All I have to say to that is: Good for you. What do you want a cookie? Were you suppose to pick a “criminal” as a husband and father to your children? It’s your reproductive responsibility to pick the best provider for yourself and your offspring. Please stop fishing for compliments.

Race is construct, but a powerful one. There no point in denying its influence and ability to control the way people act, behave and make judgments. What the point in ignoring that there IS a beauty standard and white women are that standard? If we are to discuss the issue let’s discuss it honestly. I wont take nonsense from women who believe that since they don’t have “nappy hair and ashy skin” that they have the right to be condescending to me! If want you to be a queen get your own throne.

To anyone who commented in the last few days, if your comments take longer than usual to appear, particularly for those registered and logged in (your comments should appear immediately), we’re sorry about that.

Since upgrading to the latest version of Wordpress, the spam filter seems to arbitrarily block comments at random.  There’s been no rhyme or reason to it.  Nothing’s getting deleted, but we’ve had to manually go into the filter and approve comments that shouldn’t have been there. ABC’s looking into it.  I don’t know if there’s a control panel solution or if it’s just a WP bug (probably given past experience with WP), but please be patient if your comments don’t appear.

I just got finished reading an article for a brand new product by K-Y that claims “to increase intimacy and communication between couples”. The description of the effects are quoted from the ad:

The man uses a blue lubricant containing a substance that is “invigorating.” The woman uses a purple lubricant providing a sensation that is “thrilling.” And when the two mix? A new sensation “ignites” between the two of them.

Interesting. The product is called Yours+Mine. K-Y refused to go into details about the chemicals or substances contained in the product, but according to Liz Cermak in charge of intimate health products for the company stated that “Instead, when the lubricants move between man and woman, the man gets to feel what the woman’s been feeling and the woman gets to feel what the man’s been feeling”.

That’s strange I thought that intimacy of this level required two people communicating and being close. I didn’t know that scientists have been working night and day to produce “intimacy in a tube”. There are people probably naive enough to believe that the ultimate sexual experience can be easy as lubing yourself up. There are lubricants that give a tingling sensation - usually by adding menthol or numbing agents more akin to Anbesol, but a lube to actually make you feel closer to your partner is a first for me. I don’t think this product will take off personally despite the attractive packaging, but we’ll see.

I spent a lot of time being angry and frustrated last week. Between Jellybelly’s email, fighting with my bank and grinding away at work, the entire week felt like a big shit storm. One thing frustrated me most though. Jellybelly’s comments about beautiful white women and how all women are beautiful simply ignited a burning rage in me.

Being interracially married, I’ve had to deal with some bullshit. There are many people out there who’d rather see my wife and I rot, or simply not exist at all. But I’ve noticed more than anyone, white women look at us together with absolute scorn, disgust, and quite probably, jealousy. Sure, we’ve dealt with subtle and overt bigotry from people of many creeds, but it’s the white women who more than anyone else try to bore holes in our backs with their eyes, who mutter under their breath just within earshot, who make disparaging comments and try to make us feel ashamed just for loving each other.

I admit, this angers me a lot. In fact, maybe Jellybelly was on to something. It’s very possible that my frustration with this has colored some of my writing. Perhaps we were harsher to Jellybelly, myself especially because of my high level of dissappointment and anger with the general behavior I’ve witnessed and experienced from white women. What makes me so damned pissy is all the sense of entitlement about it.

When I go out shopping by myself, I’m often just part of the crowd, ignored as a whole. Cashiers are as polite as they are, I do my shopping and go home. Unfortunately, it rarely goes this way when my wife and I shop the same stores together. More often than not a white woman will take it upon herself to decide that my wife isn’t what I really want, and she’s out to prove it. Women like this will attempt to flirt with me right in front of ABC. The ones who aren’t trying to lure me away from my spouse are busy giving us dirty looks and making the aforementioned disgusted comments. It’s as though I’ve strayed from the pack. I don’t need my wife, I’m not really happy. I just need a good white woman to lead me back into the fold, to steer me back toward the light.

I usually try my best to be polite, but it’s infuriating. There have been times when it’s been so bad and so obvious that ABC will ask me to get the car or grab something we inexplicably forgot (not really) so as to exert influence and say “yes, he’s with me.” It shouldn’t be necessary. While I understand this sort of thing happens in all relationships, the thing that bothers me is the same women, usually a cashier, who ignore me or are merely polite when I’m shopping alone, will try (and fail) to be some flirty little school girl, attentive, eyes wide, practically drooling for my attention when my wife is around. I find it disgusting and incredibly shallow.

When I see that I get angry because I know this shit wouldn’t be happening if I was confirming to the social norm, if I was married to some typical woman who’s skin didn’t contrast so greatly with my own. It’s okay to have a preference for blond, brunette, redhead, but when that preference is black it’s a fetish and you need a smack on the wrist and some angelic white guide to bring you back home. I don’t think so. I’m not buying into that shit.

I don’t have time to play nice with these women anymore. At first it was like “okay, I don’t want to cause a scene,” play nice, get out of the store and seeth later. But you know what? Sometimes you have to cause a scene. You have to let people know what you’ll stand for and what you won’t, and you have to be rude to do it. This used to bother me, but I realize that these women behaving in this way deserve my ire, they deserve to be put in their place, because that’s exactly what they’re trying to do to my wife. They’re saying “he doesn’t belong with you” and being damn rude about it.

I have a preference, and it goes against social norms. I am more attracted to black women than other women, and I am more attracted to my wife than any other woman alive. If you feel the need to hit on me, don’t. If you don’t like what you see, don’t look. If it bothers you, stop worrying, we’re both fairly recluse and we’ll be gone soon. In the meantime, if you’re going to insist on flirting in such a way or trying to get between my wife and I, be prepared to have your feelings hurt, because we stopped playing nice quite some time ago.

Wyclef sums everything up:

“You said he reached sir
but he didn’t have no piece sir
But now he rest in peace sir
in the belly of the beast sir ”

You can listen the whole song here