Some women worry a lot about their looks. However there is no need for this because
the views of men and women for their attractiveness vary. Women believe that external factors are of great importance. Men think in another way. As a special study of public opinion showed, the ideal woman for all men does not exist. It was proved that men of different age have different preferences.

Young people (to 25 years) valued the most women’s intelligence (!) - These men was 55% of those surveyed, at the second place - sexuality - 44% (and many young girls think that sexuality for men is at the first place …) And only the third is beauty - 42%.
Older men (from 25 to 40 years) too, place women’s intelligence first (!) - 47% of surveyed, the second was- care - 41% (perhaps with age, men are getting more selfish) and the third place - tenderness - 38 %.
And those who are older than 45 years, it seems, become even more egoistic, and women’s beauty doesn’t interest them at all. First place among the attractive features of women in their ranking takes care (apparently means taking care of them) - 65% (!!!), and the second place - intelligence- 40%.

Why, then, men run away from smart women? First they say that value female intelligence the most, but than..
Stupid woman puts away, but clever one if wants to be attractive should not be too intellectual (!) To men’s view a woman must be flexible and be able to adapt easily while communicating (by the way, men being absolutely loyal, believe that it is woman who must adapt but they can be direct).

The true horror make on them nervous, troubled, harassed, making tragedy of everything women (men are too concerned with their spiritual peace).
Hysterical women are terrible. But I would say every woman should be slightly “hysterical” to be interesting for a man. Under this I mean: emotional expressiveness, desire and ability to attract attention of a man, imagery and free thinking (that does not exclude fantasy), lightness and richness of associations, the ability to feel the audience (even if it consists of the only one man) and attitude of the audience to her; ability to charm anyone whether it is male or female, and much more. So these are exactly that features of woman which are so attractive to men.

If you feel “stuck” with your life, resentful of your mate and think to end your relationship - it could be the beginning of discovering your capabilities which can bring happiness in your life and even strengthen your relationship. It is always a risk of “rocking the boat”. Your personal growth and success make some of close to your people pound but some of them would resist it. In any situation, my suggestion to you is: believe that your mate wants what is the best for you and he or she will ultimately love the positive changes in you. After all, if your partner turns out to be someone who really prefers you to be needy, weak and helpless, do you really want to be there?

When two people meet, and fall in love everything seems possible, surmountable, including partner’s disadvantages. His weaknesses seem to be “cute”, his resentment and even hysterics - just short-term tantrum on the background of beautiful love. But after a year or two the same moments of irritation, negative emotions, complexity of internal world of a partner suddenly start to look unsustainable burden.

This is emotional fatigue. The first signs of its appearance become obvious in a year or two after living together. And the longer people live together, the stronger are attacks of the fatigue, repeated from time to time. Unfortunately nobody can we avoid it, but only cope.

If earlier you tolerated shortcomings of your partner, then some time later, you hardly could listen to his daily moaning about his bosses and boredom at work, and even not able to respond properly to his complaints about headaches. “Take a pill” - angrily growl you and move out of his view. The reason is simple: “Every day is the same”.

The secret of those couples who do not suffer from emotional fatigue is that they intuitively find ways to overcome it. The main thing - they do not stand at one place, they are developing, each of them separately and both together. It is impossible to avoid “wear relations” if you live all the time together and not leaving each other for a long time.

Here are some advices that could help you to maintain a pleasant family atmosphere for many years:

1. Give keys of access to your reactions to your partner in advance, without waiting until the problem arises. Use observation. Remember: you can not use your partner as a “sewer” for your emotional splashes.

2. Very often out of each quarrel partners manage to draw conclusions about “hopelessness” of their relationship and acting on emotional impulse almost break up. However already in a day the problem is solved, and it is forgotten about the threats “to break up forever”. Learn to keep to the rule of 48 hours. If there a quarrel won’t exhaust itself in that time - it can be taken serious and treated appropriately. In the meanwhile, till two days are not expired - does not make any serious conclusions from an argument. Learn to wait.

3. Respond is not always necessary. Men often recognize that the best way to respond to their concerns - lack of response. A woman sometimes, feeling that something is not right, starts inquire and in respond to the bad mood of her spouse, fall into melancholy. If he is calm for you, he can quickly solve his problems. You can offer assistance, but this is not the same as “share” his bad mood with your irritation or crying.

4. Change and develop - both together and individually. This is the best way to avoid emotional fatigue. You should learn solving problems rather than talking about them. There are no hopeless situations. A person, who did not progress in solving his or her difficulties in a year or two, can cause irritation of the partner. Try some new approaches to solve your problems, listen to the meaning of your partner. After all, another person is given to us as well to help to see ourselves from the side.

That men and women are on different wavelengths when it comes to communicating is probably not news to you. It’s not hard, from even simple observations, to see the potential problems when men and women communicate. Sociolinguist Deborah Tannen, who has written a book called You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, made an attempt to study the differences in man-woman communication.

She observed, that women create feelings of closeness by conversing with their friends and lovers. Men don’t use communication in this way, so they can’t figure out why their women are continually talk, talk, talking. Eventually, many men just tune their women out. Men are confused by the various ways women use conversation to be intimate with others. One of these ways is “troubles talk”. Tannen notes, that for women, talking about troubles is the essence of connection. I tell you my troubles, you tell me your troubles, and we’re close. Men, however, hear troubles talk as a request for advice, so they respond with a solution.

When a man offers this kind of information the woman often feels as if he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off. The woman, craving closeness and intimacy with her man, talks to him about her problems with friends, family, her job, etc. She seeks to have her man respond as her girlfriends have always done, and talk with her about his concerns. The man, however, hears these conversations as requests for advice, not intimacy. He considers the problem and offers a solution, or dismisses the issue. When his woman continues to go on about these same concerns, showing no movement to consider his advice, he becomes confused and eventually angry; he begins to believe that his woman is an expert at talking about nothing. The woman begins to feel that her man doesn’t care about her because he won’t talk to her in a way that feels intimate.

The author concludes that women must learn that the kind of intimate talk they have with their girlfriends should remain just that. Trying to turn your man into a girlfriend will usually fail because men, in general, don’t create feelings of closeness in that way. Men, too can understand that when their woman is talking, she is attempting to connect to him-she’s not just talking to talk, nor is she trying to readjust the status of their relationship. By sharing more of himself he shows her, in a way she can understand, that he’s not pushing her away; that he does indeed love her and want to be close to her.

Some women have a strong believe that woman is a diamond, and a man should be there to ensure her existence. Therefore she is not aiming for career realization, and perceives work as means to find a rich and caring husband, the ideal image which is always kept in mind.

The image of how should be the desired partner surely has every human being. But obsession with an idea of “Mr. Right” is an illusion that poisons life. You all the time compare “Him” to others and, of course, “He” would do everything better.

This prevents you to evaluate others men good points. Myth of the love which comes only once prevents to forge new ties after the previous failed. Believe that each of us has his/her own fate is dangerous, because it will completely remove the responsibility for our lives.
You do not imagine other scenarios, do not plan alternative routes. And become very vulnerable and dependent. The result is disappointment.

Love can be different, it happens not once and it can last for lifetime!

Do not wait till your partner make your dreams come true. Very often we endow our partner with those qualities that we admire, but which we lack. Therefore, the simplest way is to live in reality and become yourself the person of your dreams.

Do not refuse to drink coffee with a man just because he is not like your ideal. Practice shows that meeting with your prince does not guarantee future happiness with him. Therefore, take for a rule to pay attention to all the best that is available in person near to you and turn off the calculator, which matches your ideal and your new acquaintance. Trust your feelings instead: if you’re comfortable with him and interested, there is no need to get upset at the fact that everything goes not like in your ideal scenario.

To find somebody to love we need to understand ourselves first and to work out what we want. Think about reasons why you want to find a loved one and be truthful with yourself. Be aware of your life situation and probable hidden reasons or needs of why you would not like being along. I would like to note you, that unfortunately you would not be able to fix your problems finding somebody to fix them for you. You are the only one who created them in your life and only you can fix them. Search for somebody from the position of giving and not taking. Think about of what you can propose your future partner, how you can be useful for him or her or how you would make their life better. So, my dating advices to you:
- realise your strengths
- think how you can use your talents to attract the right person
- promote yourself – tell the world about your good features
- don’t put higher demands for your candidates
- no reasons other then finding a soul mate should rule your mind
Some of you may disagree with me: you know many examples when two people met each other and helped with their lives. Such examples are only true when they both helped each other to equal extend, and not ‘one way’.

Some people get very annoyed if somebody says them that they have done something wrong. Deep inside maybe they understand and accept this criticism but their reaction on it ranges from simply denying to aggressive attack. Why they act like this?
First thing first it could be pride that doesn’t let them admit their fault in public. But under deep shell of negative outer emotions (arrogance, rudeness, and aggressiveness) lies insecurity. People who cannot accept advice or critics suffer from low self-esteem. Now when you know this, don’t run to them with this cheerful news that you know what their problem is. Next time show more understanding, trying to give advice or criticizing, think about right place and time, the tone of your voice and how would you phrase carefully the criticism without hurting more that insecure person. Understand that he/she already suffers from lots of fears and worries and with your critics you can hurt them even more. Trying to toughen such person you will lose them like your friend.

How important educational and social status factors by choosing a life-long partner? Nearly all educated women want to find men with higher educational degree. However for men this parameter is non-essential, they can be happy with woman of any social strata or degree unless she treats him well and loves him. If his future wife is poor is also no problem for the majority of men. But women look carefully whom they fall in love with. Why is that? Are they are so pragmatic and non-romantic?
The answer to this question lies in instincts that we inherited from our old ancestors. They were very pragmatic thinking about how to survive in this life. And no matter that nowadays men don’t need to go hunting and women’s goal is not giving birth to many children, - strong inborn instincts are ruling us subconsciously. Women are still trying to choose the strongest of kind (it could be reflected in man’ social status and education nowadays – that guarantee safety life) and men are searching for women capable of reproducing his quality offspring: healthy, with beautiful body and kind character.

Have you ever thought what your strength points by opposite gender are? Maybe you have beautiful body or charming smile or you cook tasty food or earn lots of money? How does it happen that we attract whom we attract und why?

To my mind, love, as any other emotion first appears in our thought, and as if we can change our thoughts so we can change whom we love. Scientists proved that we find more attractive people who show their interest in us. And if to think carefully it is very often shared similarities that make people closer to each other. We love a part of ourselves in a partner and cannot imagine loving somebody different from him/her.

At some stage we don’t feel attracted any longer by our partner because we have changed and similarities between us disappeared. We cannot stay with a person so different and distant from us now. And we are looking for another best part. This proves that love comes and goes with our past and future identities.

Trying to find the cure to my negative feelings I came across an article in Psychology Today that helped me to understand the situation and solved my problems. It is stated, that in good relationships, compassion - caring about the discomfort or distress of loved ones with a motivation to help - is very strong. The trouble comes when resentment blocks natural compassion for loved ones. The problem with resentment in relationships is that much of it is due to the effects of negative emotions tracked into the home from the outside. The rule of blame is that it usually goes to the closest person.
Blaming makes us temporarily feel more powerful. But the temporary empowerment comes at the cost of making an enemy of the beloved. Resentment is a perception of unfairness for not getting the expected help, recognition, appreciation, consideration, praise, reward, or affection. Here are the signs that resentment is building to danger levels. Either you or your partner is:
• Judgmental about the other’s perspective without curiosity to learn more about it
• Irritated by how the other feels
• Intolerant of differences - you should see things the same way
• Irritated by things you used to think were cute - facial expressions, laughter, tone of voice, manner of dress, etc.
• Making less important things more important than the most important things.
• Losing interest in most forms of intimacy - talking, touch, hugging, sharing, sex .
No one resents just one thing. The continuous nature of resentment creates a chain, where past resentments attract present offenses, forming an ever longer and heavier chain. Though mainly about the past, the chain of resentment eventually extends into the future. That’s when your expectation of someone disappointing you becomes self-fulfilling prophecy. At that point it starts a downward spiral of irritability, impatience, restlessness, bickering, cold shoulders, and angry outbursts.

As cure the author suggests to understand that resentment covers a deeper hurt, even when the things you resent seem petty. Increase your:
• Core value - get back in touch with the most important things to and about you, which will not include resentment and anger at people you love
• Compassion for yourself - recognize that when you are resentful or angry you are hurt or overwhelmed; focus on healing and improving rather than punishment
• Compassion for your partner - recognize that when he or she is resentful or angry, he or she is hurt or overwhelmed; try to help
• Respectful negotiation - you have equal value and equal rights
• Recognize the effects of negative emotioons.

To break down defensive mechanism both partners should try to understand that they both feel at that time and not to concentrate on their own feelings.

Nearly every woman has a definite set of ideas about what is her future partner should be like. The older they get the more difficult it gets to break these stereotypes. She just sticks to her ‘ideal’ or what she thinks to be an ‘ideal’ and never questions her subconscious choice. Unfortunately, her attitude or model of behavior with men could be the course of failure to build a happy relationship.
The problem here is that that she had probably never analyzed her behavior in the past and never admitted her possible responsibility for relationship failure. Why to do this? Well, if you admit the truth to yourself it could be very helpful to realize what you’ve done wrong and how not to do it again. This process could be very painful and unpleasant. Most of us would need the help of a good friend or psychoanalyst.
The second big challenge is to find the strength to accept the truth and not to get angry and fall into denial. People who know themselves what is good or what is bad for them find it very difficult to take somebody’s advice without hesitation. And, finally, when you realize that it is not always only them to blame you can make any relationship that you go in to work.

Woman’s smile can do incredible things: win, seduce, attract. This is woman’s wealth and weapon, which can be used as long as you want. It is a pity that so many women do not understand this, they give everybody angry or glooms looks and then are surprised that no one likes them. A smile on your face is not only a decoration, it is also provokes response smiles and make people who see you happier.

Even if you do not want to you need to smile: nothing age a woman so as omitted corners of her lips. Smile and you save your charm for long time. By the way, it is easier to smile than to frown. When you frown, you force 43 muscles and when smile - only 17. Consequently, the more you frown, the more you will have wrinkles.

Try to control your mood during a day: be funny and cheerful. Smile to salesperson in a store, a person in the subway, who stood on your foot, to work colleague, which explains you your mistakes. And you will see quite another attitude to you. Then the world around you will become kinder.

Everyone knows how important motivation in every sphere of our life is. We used to apply motivation with regard to work or personal development and very seldom in terms of a relationship. Motivation is the force that gets you started. After a while if there no this force left relationship will resolve itself. At the first stage of a relationship both partners are motivated to act in certain way to get appreciation and other warm feelings from their spouse. And what happens with time? Actions slowly disappear; there is no need to prove anything to your partner, because he or she is already conquered. The only thing that is left from all the earlier efforts is good memories that the person near you was once able to attract you and probably could repeat the “in love phase” for you again if it would be a need for this. But there is no motivation; why to attract my own husband if he is already my husband? It is right; those in a stable relationship people rear bother themselves with much of an effort, but still sometimes complain about relationship becoming a habit and stagnation of feelings. You can make your relationship exiting instead of boring. Don’t be lazy. Everything is in your hands. And any change in life needs action and motivation. If you want to be in an interesting, loving, caring relationship you should act as you are interesting, caring, loving partner.

Energy which surrounds the person who loves himself carries positive, healing, attracting love of other people charge. The more you love yourself the more you attract people who love you. You should learn how to treat yourself good. Remember that your wishes, if they do no harm to anybody including yourself, are holy wishes. There is no need to suppress these desires. We were taught to love others and to love ourselves was considered to be selfish. But it is impossible to love others, if you do not love yourself. If someone loves another person more than him/herself and feels like a victim, make lots of sacrifices then here it goes not about love. This is about guilt, fear not to achieve your best, fear of loneliness, inability to live with in harmony with you. So, think about your relationship and answer yourself does it give you energy to achieve your life goals or makes you feel like a victim? In the second case you should free yourself from that feeling, listen to your wishes and do what is the best for yourself. Only in this way you can be happy and make happy your partner.