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Artie Strikes It Big! - LiveJournal.com
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Mao says hi.
Whitney sent me a new watch from China. This is not my video, but it is the same style of watch.
My cat is cooler than your cat and my friend Mandy is cooler than your friend Mandy
Mandy took care of Issei while I was away. She made me this video.
Idea: the vacoma
Gas rates are too high to go anywhere. Stay-cations are lame.
Why not try a medically induced coma?!
The Vacoma!
Doctor puts you out for a week. You sleep peacefully as nurses tend to your bodily functions and make sure you don't get bed sores. You wake up refreshed and it's a week later.
Also available in two week, month, and year packages.
TIME BOMB by the Blue Moodys
Please do listen to my surf band's newly recoded song "Time Bomb," located on our myspace page.
Please do not listen to the other songs as that's just the drummer messing around with Garageband.
Please do not make fun of our name.
thank you.
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - epilogue
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - Day 6 (end of the trail)
Dad and I visited the end of the Oregon Trail in Oregon City. He was psyched, especially after the government guaranteed him a swatch of land.
Unfortunately, Dad died of dysentery.
Luckily, we got to see Portland before he passed on. On Mandy's recommendation, we hit Powell's City Of Books and Reading Frenzy. Dad was blown away by Powell's. I was blown away by Reading Frenzy. Both stores were bigger than they had any right to be. Powell's literally has a map because it's so damn huge. And I could have spent all day in Frenzy, reading zines and comics.
Then we wandered around the Pearl District and wandered into a store with some pretty weird shit.
The tour books told us to check out the gardens, so we did that. There were flowers there.
And then we ran out of stuff to do. We asked a few people in some of the stores and they were all, "Well, I live here and I like to hang out in the parks or go for a bike ride."
Portland is a nice town to live in, but I wouldn't want to visit.
So we went to learn us some history in Oregon City. We went to the end of the Oregon Trail, and Dad died.
Afterward, we checked into the motel and Dan drove up from Salem. We were just going to have dinner, so I didn't bring my camera. We excitedly told him our stories, only to realize he's been reading along the whole time (hi Dan!).
Apparently Portland's a drinkin' town. So we went lookin' for a drinkin' hole.
We found the Pied Cow Coffeehouse, which offers hookahs in the back. No camera on hand, so I busted out the cameraphone.
  
And that's it. The end of the tour. Tomorrow morning I get on a plane and am back to my citylife by noon. I still have a few more things to post, and I kind of ran out of steam on this entry as well, so there will be a few more edits and additions.
but for now? I'm tired and I miss my cat (thanks for taking care of him, Alli).
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - Day 5/6
Dad snores so loudly that sometimes he wakes himself up.
Apparently I give him a run, though.
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - Day 5
We sought adventure and found a salmon hatchery.
But before that, we found Mt. Hood. Which was found by people on the Oregon Trail. It wasn't too hard for us to find. It was right outside our hotel, which was hosting a family reunion of sorts. The family in question was a bunch of people who have adopted girls from China. All the girls were around 12 and having a blast destroying the lobby.
Later we found an erector set named The Bridge Of The Gods which, when crossed, finds you in Washington state.
And then we drove and found said fishery, which might have been Dad's favorite part to date. We talked to the guy who runs the place, a kindly geeky retired man, who excitedly showed us the place and filled Dad's head with more factoids he can pull out at inappropriate times.
Then it was on to find Mt. St. Helens. The infamous volcano blew its top on my second birthday. I always thought there was a tiny town near it, but if there ever was I guess it got pompaved? Nothing but twisty roads and hiking trails and people on bikes. Most of the roads were closed due to damage from ... I guess the melting glacial ice? So the closest we got was 11 miles.
But it's fascinating, actually. The top blew off almost 30 years ago, then a glacier formed in the hole. But lava kept bubbling up, and up until February of this year, a lava dome was growing and melting the ice. But not all of the ice. It was just moving it around and making the glacier grow, kind of like an icicle.
I think. I need to read up on it some more. Sadly, I got nailed by a headache the entire drive up and couldn't give two shits about what was going on or what this woman had to say.
My head still hurts and I'm feel kinda dumb. We are bedding down on the Washington side of the Columbia River. Tomorrow we will hit Portland, sleep by the airport, and then fly out Tuesday morning.
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - Day 3, revisited
Here is a guy cleaning the fish we did not catch as Shel interviews him.
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - Day 4
There's breakfast, and then there's what Sea Quest Inn's innkeeper Nerina Perez prepared. Poached eggs with goat cheese and mushrooms. Some fresh apple cake thing. Fruit. Yogurt. Juices. And apparently she makes something like this every morning?
Ms. Perez, I love you, and someday I will return for you.
As far as adventure goes, today was kind of a bust. We left the Sea Quest and continued up north. Compared to the past two days, the views were kinda eh. We'd heard there was an excellent aquarium in Newport, so we checked that out.
Really neat looking place. But I f**king hate all kids now.
We kept going north. There's an air museum around here that houses the Spruce Goose.
Strangely enough, that's not the one. Who knew there were two air museums in the area?
This one was pretty okay, though. Still enough stuff to take wacky pictures of.
A quick buzz through Portland--we'll hit it either tomorrow or Monday--and now we're at the base of Mt. Hood. Awaiting adventure tomorrow.
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - Day 3
This is Russell McCall. He has clogged toilets with shits bigger than you. He will f**k your wife the second you look the other way.
20-some years ago, Mr. McCall quit the rodeo business. He was 41 and had won more belt buckles than he could ever wear. At one point, he was rated #5 for bareback riding. But being a top-rated cowboy attracts plenty of women. And women attract plenty of problems; the scar above his lip was given to him by an angry husband and that husband's gun.
But on day 3 of our trip, he was running us in his boat up and down the mouth of the Rogue River, fishin' salmon.
We spent the day on the river, going back and forth, giving each other shit. "I knew you were a Jew before you even told me your name. No, I don't take credit cards or AAA. HA!"
We caught our own bait.
And then eventually a 4 pounder which we left with Russell.
You know what? Dad tells it better:
After that, we continued up the 101. Every bend had an ohmygod view.
We spent so much time stopping and admiring that we decided to hit one of the bed and breakfasts for the night, which quite possibly turned out to be one of the best ideas of the trip.
Seriously you guys. Next time you happen to be 171 miles up the Oregon coast, you gotta stop at the Sea Quest.
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - Day 2, part 2
Imagine a Disney World ride, where the seats swivel around so that you can get a better view of the animatronics. Now replace the animatronics with pristine wilderness. And switch the seats for old mail boats that use water jets in lieu of rudders. And most importantly, instead of just swiveling, spin these f**kers.
Our guide would do a spin, and then pow, right in front of us would be something awesome. Like some seals, just chillaxin'
Or a bald eagle, chomping on a salmon, and sharing it with its baby.
Halfway up the river, we decided that we were going to spend the night and go fishing the next morning. So when they let us off for dinner, Dad made some calls.
Dinner was at a place off the river called Lucas Lodge. The boat docked, we got off, and then hiked up a hill to a meadow where a tiny house lived. Walked in, and it looked like your grandmother's living room. Complete with a dusty unused television, bad wallpaper, and wooden toys. Seriously, I thought I wandered into someone's house by mistake. But a friendly woman greeted us and directed us to the backyard where picnic tables were set up; they served us, family style, some of the best chicken I've ever had.
Then it got cold, and the spins and splashing were less fun. Still, pretty damn amazing.
Got some supplies for the next morning at the supermarket. Checked into the Motel 6. And then Dad and I kind of stared at each other and wondered aloud why everyone in town was so pleasant and chatty. Honestly, you couldn't just pay for something and walk out, you had to give your family history and then hear theirs.
Meanwhile, there's a lot of wild life along the Rouge River.
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - Day 2, part 1
We got into Eureka at 11pm and it was pretty much closed up. We left around 10pm and it wasn't much different. Besides the hotel clerk, the only other people we saw were the kids in big baggy hoodies that were walking around. My impression of the town: a place where roadside motels and kids of hippies live. I'm sure there's more to it, but we didn't stick around long enough to find out.
We had to get to Gold Beach, OR by 2:30 to get on the jet boat tour, the only thing Dad really wanted to do on this trip. So we hightailed it to Oregon, making only two stops.
First was to inadvertently meet this guy:
I didn't catch his name, but he works at a wood shop along the 101. Planned to make it to Portland four years ago, but met his boss and decided to stay.
Dad: Are those bears?
Dude: Aaayeah! I try to make 'em look like bears, at least! Ahuhuhuhuhuh!
Dude was really excited to have us there. He showed us his tools, demonstrated how he helps put the tables together. Then suggested a scenic route through more redwoods instead of staying on the 101.
Dude: Remember that story kinda recently about that man who was attacked by a mountain lion and his wife saved him? Well, that happened right here! By this tree on this map, right here!
Me: So, stay in our car?
Dude: Ahuhuhuhuhuh! Aaaayeah, that's where it happened!
Second stop was in traffic, right near the border.
And then we finally made it into Oregon.
And then, finally into Gold Beach. Right on time to hop into a jet boat, which I'll write about next...
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - Days 2 and 3, abridged version
We've stopped for the night along the Oregon coast in a fantastic bed and breakfast that is unfortunately named after a television show. This was an unplanned stop. We were driving along the 101, it was gorgeous, and hey, there's a place with vacancy, let's stay the night. Ya see, we keep straying from the plan...
Day 2
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Day 3
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Yesterday after taking a 6 hour jet boat tour up the Rouge River, we stayed over in Gold Beach so we could go salmon fishing the next morning. Now I am exhausted and sunburnt. I've uploaded some photos (day 2, and day 3), and I have some videos that I would like to edit and get up on youtube, and I really should get into detail about the dude that took us fishing--a retired rodeo superstar who told us tales about groping groupies and harassing hippies--but it's time to sleep. I'll try to get some details in before we take off in the morning.
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - Day 1a/2 "Sunworshipper"
This song has been going through my head all night. Listen for a bit, then jump to 3:13 for the punchline.
Today we head to Eugene, OR which is 300 miles. Plans to drive through more big trees and ... other stuff. Says Dad, "We'll find it along the way."
Shel and Mike Hit the Road - Day 1
 Dad arrived around 12:30. We drove around town and finished up some errands, said hi to Alli, went past AT&T Park, then over a foggy Golden Gate Bridge on onward to adventure!
But adventure is tiring, and I passed out soon thereafter.
I woke up to find us on 128; Dad got bored of the 101 and wanted to see something else. What we got was windy roads, big trees and a less pretentious Sonoma. We stopped in a random winery and drank free samples. We passed towns that were on the map but were only a (closed) deli and a few houses. Eventually we hit the coast and Rte 1 and made our way into Mendocino for dinner. This tiny coastal town must be where hippies go to spawn bored children and then die. Everyone was all, you know, like, talking about how, you know, great things are; a woman in the restaurant wondered if, you know, it like wouldn't be too much trouble, to, like, you know, like, cut the chicken, if it's not too much of a hassle, into like, you know, strips, if they could do that, if that wasn't a problem.
Bellies full, up the coast, up more winding roads in the dark, and now we are in Eureka.
Every town we get near, this scene plays out:
Me: Woah, do you smell that?
Dad: Hm. Someone must have hit a skunk.
Me: I think it's weed.
Dad: Smells like skunk.
Me: Skunk weed.
Dad: Yeah, that's a skunk.
Me: There must be a lot of skunks in the area.
We went through the Avenue of the Giants at about 10pm. I was driving, so I gave Dad the video camera and he gave commentary. Here is a video.
Chowdildo
I love Chowder, but what the cock is Gazpacho selling at the edge of his blanket there?
DICK BUTT
DEAR KC,
IF THIS WERE A POSTER, I WOULD HANG IT ON EVERY AVAILABLE WALL IN MY APARTMENT, CUBICLE, AND CITY (SAN FRANCISCO).
THANK YOU,
MIKE
in caps
questions about movies
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