Photo by Flickr user Jayel Aheram

HOME TEAMS in caps:

Washington ($17.06) over ATLANTA ($16.41)
CHICAGO ($17.40) over Arizona ($11.24)
Houston ($17.40) over INDIANAPOLIS ($16.55)
CINCINNATI ($19.43) over Baltimore ($14.55)
JACKSONVILLE ($17.33) over Kansas City ($13.10)
Green Bay ($16.97) over TAMPA BAY ($15.28)
NEW ENGLAND ($14.35) over Miami ($12.01)
NEW ORLEANS ($16.49) over Carolina ($13.52)
SEATTLE ($21.03) over Detroit ($14.56)
SAN FRANCISCO ($21.12) over Tennessee ($15.37)
NY GIANTS ($25.66) over San Diego ($19.73)
Dallas ($16.73) over PHILADELPHIA ($12.07)
Pittsburgh ($17.34) over DENVER ($14.63)

My picks:
JACKSONVILLE (-6.5) over Kansas City
Larry Johnson. Wow. JoePa isn't even dead and he's rolling over in his grave from how you act. Grow. The. F**k. Up. Seriously. At least shut the f**k up and stop making our alma mater look like Florida State. Thanks.

CHICAGO (-2.5) over Arizona
It's Dark and Hell is Hot. No, wait, that's a DMX record. It's cold and Chicago is windy. That's the ticket. 38-year-old arms don't hold up well in cold wind. Jay Cutler's do.

Green Bay (-9.5) over TAMPA BAY
Rookie quarterback making his first start. Not going to go well. Green Bay's secondary is too tough for this kid to figure it out in one day. Rout.

ATLANTA (-11.5) over Washington
Much to Miss Bee's dismay, no more CC47 for the year. Washington's defense is pretty strong, but when you're constantly looked at to keep a struggling offense in a game you'll eventually break. Matty Ice breaks them this week.

Miami (+10.5) over NEW ENGLAND
*Puts on Chris Collinsworth hat* This Miami team. This is a team that just finds ways to win football games. Whether it's with the wildcat or in the return game, this team finds ways to win games in the National Football League. *Takes off hat* They won't win this week, but they will most definitely cover. Remember what they did to New England last year during the wildcat's inaugural game?

CINCINNATI (+2.5) over Baltimore
Home. Dogs. I don't care what happened last week. That was last week. I'm not here to talk about the past. Cincinnati played a tough game in Baltimore. They can beat these guys on their best day.

Houston (+9.5) over INDIANAPOLIS
I don't think that Houston will win this game outright. That breaks the golden rule, "Never pick an underdog you don't think can win outright." After watching the 49ers keep the Colts out of the end zone for almost an entire game, the Texans will try to do the same. No Owen Daniels, though. Ouch.

NEW ORLEANS (-14.5) over Carolina
At home in the dome
the Saints come marching downfield
Carolina stinks

SEATTLE (-9.5) over Detroit
Detroit just lost to the previously winless Rams. Seattle is a tough place to play. Matt Hasselbeck has a field day. Fantasy update: Nate Burleson catches 6 passes for 88 yards and 2 TDs.

SAN FRANCISCO (-3.5) over Tennessee
Michael Crabtree has only played in two games. He already has six more receptions than Darrius Heyward-Bey. I guess he was right when he said he deserved more money than Heyward-Bey. Even Alex Smith will light up Tennessee's secondary.

NY GIANTS (-4.5) over San Diego
The Giants will not lose four games in a row. For real. I know I probably said "The Giants will not lose three games in a row" last week, but that was bullshit. They're totally three-game-in-a-row losers. They are not, however, four-game-in-a-row losers. Especially to the Chargers. (Although, I do hope LaDanian Tomlinson has a lot of yards and touchdowns.)

PHILADELPHIA (-2.5) over Dallas
Phillies lose World Series. Fans lament. Eagles beat Cowboys. All is forgotten until next November. One thing I haven't seen this year, though, is the dude in Center City who sells the homemade t-shirts calling Tony Romo a homosexual. That dude is funny for the singular reason that he yells at the top of his lungs shit like "Romo is a homo" and "Dallas sucks; T.O. swallows" and "F**k the Cowboys". This is a dude who actually doesn't care. In that respect, I admire him. I care too much.

Pittsburgh (-2.5) over DENVER
This is going to be a great Monday Night Football game. Jaws will be drooling over Big Ben the whole game. Jon Gruden will salivate over Josh McDaniels's play-calling. Mike Tirico will be the only dude who makes any attempt at being unbiased. Any analysis I provide will be passed off as homerism. Black and gold, bitch.

Last week: 4-9
Season: 62-54

Photo by Flickr user phillymads63

• Brett Myers will not be a Philadelphia Phillie next year. Boom...Outta here. You've gotta give it to good ole Brett, though, as he said, "I’ll miss the guys on the team and the fans who have supported me. Hopefully I’ll be playing against the Phillies and when I do I want the roughest treatment the fans can give me—when I’m pitching. I’m an opposing player—you have to give it to me."
• During his meeting with members of City Council yesterday, Willie Brown said he regretted calling for the strike at 3 a.m. "I regret calling [the strike] the time I did," he said after the meeting. "But I don't regret the strike."
• A 15-year-old shot another student on a school bus en route to a high school for troubled students in West Philadelphia. The 17-year-old victim is in critical but stable condition at CHOP.
• Al Gore spoke today at the World Affairs Council of Philadelphia. He gave a keynote address followed by signing copies of his book "Our Choice."
• The jobless rate is 10.2%. Almost 16 million Americans are without work. Ironic that those who had solid jobs are on strike, isn't it?

Photo by Flickr user See-ming Lee

As promised, we hate TWU Local 234 now. The folks of TWU 234 have thoroughly established themselves as villains, and we'd like to recognize them for being bastardly sleazes out of a Medieval morality play. And now, the tour of vice!

1. Lust: Willie Brown, we're looking at you. Not for any action you may be pursuing from the ladies, but for your insatiable desire for power. You're up for re-election, and you aren't afraid to throw the entire city under the proverbial bus as you promise the sun and moon themselves to the workers you represent.

2. Gluttony: You wish to overstuff your pockets while the people around you are still in need. We've got no sympathy for your desires for more, more, and more.

3. Greed: Say what? A signing bonus, an eleven percent raise over the next five years, and no increase in contributions to health care isn't enough? Really? A signing bonus for going back to work after you chose to walk out? Not good enough? A raise and the promise of continued amazing health care—still not enough? Perhaps you'd like an amazing technicolor dreamcoat to go with that cushy job?

4. Sloth: Not working, huh? Some people might wonder how this is different from the normal state of affairs.

5. Wrath: Inspiring the rest of the city to frothing rage counts. We're blaming you.

6. Envy: Maybe it isn't a dreamcoat you want. Maybe it's the Taj Mahal? A Maltese Falcon? Whatever it is you want—it doesn't belong to you. The money you claim you need will come from the pockets of those least equipped to pay it.

7. Pride: Back down. What else but pride would allow a group of people to be so obdurate in their wrongheaded position. You're being offered a great deal, and really, almost everything you wanted. To believe that you deserve further reward is beyond us. Back down, and take the deal.

Love your neighbor, Local 234 dudes. Help a city out.

We would like to take a moment to thank this week's advertisers on Phillyist.

• Pirate Radio, the new comedy starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman, from the creator of Love Actually. In theatres 11/13.
  
• American Apparel, with 3 stores in Philadelphia, you can look your best after dark.
  
• GroupOn, using collective buying power to bring you one ridiculous coupon each day.

Listen, MSNBC. We know you were in a bit of shock about the whole Democrats-losing-elections thing (we're equal opportunity pundit haters around here), but don't you think you still could have maybe proofread your screen titles?

Captured during The Rachel Maddow Show by the lovely and talented Jenn DiSanto.

Proofreading Philly tries to capture typos, wordos, and all other kinds of grammatical mistakes that we see around the city. But we need your help! Email photos to us from your computer or your phone, and show the city that you care about good grammar.

Maybe it's because I love war movies. Maybe it's because I love George Clooney. But The Men Who Stare at Goats, based on a book by Jon Ronson and directed by Grant Heslov (a distant relative-of-a-relative by marriage, but that's not really pertinent), was definitely on my list of most-anticipated movies of 2009. The film, which is based on more truth than you'd like to believe (a paraphrase of the opening title card), follows a reporter's quest to learn more about an elite group of psychic soldiers, nicknamed "Jedi warriors," also features (as Allison so eloquently put it in today's CinePhillyist) "Obi-Won, Kaiser Soze, and The Dude"—a cast list that at once made me giddy with anticipation and totally nervous that the movie wouldn't do its cast justice.