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Just a site that I created for friends to keep up with me.
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Its been two weeks
Its been two weeks since my move to the Hot-lanta area and I guess it has been ok so far. I like my new co workers. They seem cool and down to earth. My preceptor is also cool and very knowledgeable. There is so much for me to learn! Until I had started my training, I thought I had pretty much seen it all. I was wrong. I went to church for the first time here in my new community today. Its been about three years since I have been to any church actually. The service was nice, quick, and fun. The congregation is non-denominational but they praise as if they were baptist or evangelists. I grew up catholic so my reaction to any type of jumping up and down and shouting in church is to always pull back and be a bit frightened about whats going on. I just cant imagine jumping up and down like that. The people look almost possessed!
Anyway. The real reason why am writing is to bitch and moan. I went to get a pedicure the other day and the pedicurist took one look at my feet and said, "I am sorry". Can you believe it? What the hell was she sorry for? I didnt know what to say but "ok" and shrug it off. This is the third time this month that someone has had pity on my feet. I have seen worse. The lady who sat in the chair next to me as the pedicurist took pity on me was a prime example. She had no toe nail on her baby toes! What the hell is so bad with my feet anyway? I will never understand the fascination with a foot fetitsh so I suppose I will never know. Until next time... keep it real!  
It's official... I am a new homeowner
Yes, this just in: I am now a home owner and it feels sooo good! This past week I closed on my first home. I am excited about this because it brings so many new beginnings for me and my children. I have looked forward to giving them a place to call their very own for so long that it almost feels unreal right now. The house is so much more than I ever imagined for myself. God has truly blessed us. The neighborhood is wonderful, the school system is great, and the area is a perfect backdrop for my children's childhood memories. There are many things that I need to take care of before the move but everyday until then is exciting. 
I know I will laugh at this one day
The other day I did the unthinkable. I was having a bad hair day, and rather than do my best and rough it until I could go to the hair salon the next day… I chemically treated my hair myself. Now normally this isn’t such a big deal. I had a box of relaxer kept under my bathroom sink specifically for emergencies just like this and had relaxed my hair numerous times before (especially during those college years when money was a figment of my imagination). No complications had ever occurred and I wanted to look good when I arrived at work. So…I decided to make things even easier by hopping into the shower to rinse out the product…..WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?! In my haste, I somehow got the product into my eyes and couldn’t see. There I was, in the bathroom, naked and blind, and was calling for someone to come and help me get the mess out of my eyes. To say the least, that was a pretty embarrassing predicament.
Fast forward 20 minutes later, and my sister is holding my head under the kitchen sink doing her best to flush my eyes out… and I still couldn’t see. In fact, it started to hurt and my eyesight was getting worse in my left eye. Giving up, I decided to go to the closest ER that was near my home. I figured that I could sit in front of the eye station until the product got rinsed out and they could help me if needed. That idea was more of a challenge in the beginning. I entered the hospital holding onto my father with my hair looking like a wet mop and of course I was blind as a bat.
The triage nurse came and I told her that I had chemicals in my eyes from a relaxer and she needed to direct me to the nearest eye station. Well that meant nothing to her. She proceeded to take my vital signs, my insurance information, and gave me a mini eye exam despite the fact that I told her that my eyes were burning and I couldn’t see a thing! Because of my pain, and fear of losing my eye sight, I told her that this wasn’t necessary and I needed to wash my eyes out immediately. Of course, the smart (bitchy) thing quickly reminded me that I was in an emergency room (as if I didn’t know) and that there were people waiting to be seen before me…fifteen to be precise. Then she curtailed behind me and told me that because I couldn’t read the eye chart she would lead me to the back to be seen by the doctor and nurses and I was to follow. Then she left the room. HELLO!! The crazy lady must have thought that I was lying because I heard her leave. Did she really think I could SEE her to follow her? My dad (GOD love him) immediately grabbed my hand and guided me to the back. The “bitchy” nurse led me to a room and had me sit. Then she told my father he couldn’t stay. She walked out of the room with him.
There I was. Alone. Everything was dark as all hell and all I could do was get up and search for a sink somewhere with my hands. Lucky for me, there was one in the room. I stuck my head under the water and waited. About 5 minutes later someone came to flush my eyes out. I probably would have been blind by now. The whole time my eyes were getting flushed, the nurse tried to talk to me to and make polite conversation. Of course, the topic of where I work and what I do for a living came up and when she found out I was a nurse, she basically tried to recruit me. At that point only Whitney Houston's famous words came to my mind: OH "HELL TO THE NO!"(Ask me in private for the name of this hospital) Four hours later, the chemicals were out of my eyes and the pH was back to normal. Lucky for me the damage was only superficial. Pain medicine was given and I was happy to be home. I still can’t drive during the day because the sun is too harsh on my eyes but I get to stay home for a week (Cant have a blind nurse take care of you). I know I will laugh at this one day. I just have to. 
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Woe
I decided today to browse through other people's yahoo 360 profiles and see what they were blogging about. I landed on a handsome black brotha's page. I mean this man was VERY easy on the eyes. As I checked out his blog, I noticed that there were other gorgeous black men on his friends list who openly commented on his blog. Being the curious person that I am, I clicked on their profiles. And I clicked, and clicked, and clicked. I eventually sat there in disbelief. These FINE black brothas were openly gay or bisexual. This information came as a surprise to me and was rather disheartening. As a single black woman searching for a great companion it almost seems like all of the ones that I want are either gay or dogs. Woe-is-me right? Anyway, after putting my feelings aside, I decided that it was a good thing to see such courage from black men. Black society often shuns men for being gay or feminine in anyway. Its good to see men becoming more open with themselves and the public (even if its just online). I am hoping they are being open with the women in their lives too and are practicing safe sex with everyone they are with. Many STD's including HPV, herpes, and HIV are so prevalent in minority groups and growing fast. Lets just stay healthy guys ok? 
Interracial dating
The first boy I had a crush on always made me laugh. He was the one everyone in my class had wanted to be around. His name was Tony. We were in kindergarten and he was blonde. Yes, the first crush I ever had was for a white boy. As the years progressed and I became a teenager, I continued to have secret crushes on white guys. After all, they were who the heroine in my teen books liked. But the shy girl that I was would never act on those feelings. Fear of being rejected by a white guy and by society paralyzed me. It was sort of a normal thing in my teenaged years to see black guys dating white girls on television and in magazine ads but I rarely saw black girls dating white boys. My confession of actually having a crush on Donnie Wahlberg and Joey McIntyre of the New Kids on The Block when I was in eighth grade quickly cast me as an oddity by my black girlfriends.
Whenever I would hear conversations about who liked whom in high school the white guys would always talk about the pretty blonde, redhead, or brunette who of course, were white. When I began dating, I was blessed to meet intelligent black boys who were fairly dark in complexion and I’ve never had a desire to “cross the other side” so to speak since. My first year in college a friend of mine offered to set me up on a blind date. Happy about hearing that my friend thought to introduce me to a man who she believed had a great personality and who she felt would get along with me, I accepted the offer. After hearing about his description, I politely declined. He was white. I attended a catholic college whose majority was Caucasian. Although it would have probably made no difference to him to date a black girl, I knew that no matter what I did or where we went the issue of race would always be on my mind. Heck, I knew it would be on other people’s minds too.
I can see how many black women feel angry about seeing a handsome professional black man date or be married to a white woman. Many have decided that if they can’t hate them, join them. But the cause of the anger is rejection and jealousy. They may see it as having been rejected by the black men who they grew up sharing their lives and issues with. Its not easy to find someone who you can relate to, who understands what it feels like to be in the skin you are in without having to explain. And truth be told, when a man (especially a white man) in American is looking to describe a beautiful woman, long hair and fair skin is usually in the description they give. That leaves many minorities out. Jealousy comes in to play because, heck, why is she (the white woman) getting all of the attention?
My own cousins caused me to take a step back with comments that they had made. They mentioned to me that they liked to only date white or Hispanic women. I was offended. When I probed further as to why they decided to date only white or Hispanic women, they explained to me that black women are usually single moms and are less educated. As I gasped for air when I heard this, I became angry. I was going through a divorce and had become a single mom over night. I had an education and a professional career and my own cousins, who I grew up with, looked at my “situation” as one to stay away from and as one that is common with black women. I was stunned to hear this from them. They had been trying to get me out into the dating scene and had tried to build up my confidence by telling me how great I was and yet, I would be someone they would stay away from. This is the type of thing that black women have to deal with. This is where I think the anger comes from. It’s simple and plain rejection.
As I raise my two children I look to educate them about people’s attitudes and I will try to raise them color blind. Nonetheless I wonder about the future. How would I feel if my son or daughter came home with a white man or woman? I am glad I have a few more years to sort these feelings out.
Dancing with the Stars
The show I have loved to watch since its premier last year is Dancing with the Stars. I am not a dancer and would never pretend to be but the weekly progress that the stars make with their professional dance partners is inspiring. This season, I am confused as to how Master P has managed to stay on the show for so long. He is popular and I dont mind supporting my black brothers but I clearly dont see him as a ballroom professional and dont understand how people could have voted for him to stay on the show. I feel sorry for his partner Ashly DelGrasso. She is always fun to watch but for the past two seasons she simply hasn't had much luck with finding a partner who compliments her. The couple I believe will win this year is Drew Lachey and Cheryl Burke. To anyone who reads my blog: watch the show! Its good entertainment. 
Oh No!
Ok I have gone and done it. I have gone and done what I said I would not do. I joined weight watchers online today. Although I am kicking myself for going back on my word, I am happy about my decision. I think this is going to work for me. I am always near a computer and the ease of logging on and keeping track of progress and points seem fun. Anyway, wish me luck! I figure a good three months is a good amount of time to try it out.
Ringing in the New Year With Lots of Cheer!
Alright, pretty much anyone who knows me, knows that Christmas is always my bah hum bug season and New Year's is "Sabine is so excited she must be on something" season. I absolutely love New Years Eve, New Years Day... there is just so much to be thankful for and so much to be happy about. The best part is that everyone is so optimistc this time of year and moods (mine included) are so much more cheerful. That is my opinion anyway.
The excitement of the New Year's countdown always lasts about another hour after the new year has rung in with my family camp. New Year's day marks as Independence day for Haitian people so I suppose that is one reason why the celebration is exciting to me. It makes things that more personal. This year I basically got many people tipsy while they ate the famous "pumpkin soup" or "soup joumou" as we Haitians say it both on New year's Eve and on New Year's Day. I played bartender all night and tried so many different drinks that many people couldnt keep up. Even my kids got virgin stuff! By the way, as an aside, my parents and sister look funny tipsy.
To everyone and everything, Happy New Year and I hope all of your resolutions come to reality. 
Becoming more healthy
Ok I have self diagnosed myself of being delusional. Since my divorce I have blamed my "thick" body on the new found stresses of being a single mom. My constant denial shows most when I go shopping for clothes. When I enter a clothing store, the clothing rack that I head to first is none other than the section for the size 6-8 range. Of course, I tell myself that I am only looking at those sizes to see the clothing trends but God only knows the clothes would never look as good on my "big bones" as they do on the manequins. Later I find myself becoming nostalgic and recalling the days before I was married and had children. The days where I could walk into a store and know I could always find a great deal on a size 4-6. I took pride in myself and the way I rocked those jeans! (always with my three inch heels of course) I dont know what happened between then and now but I can no longer blame my ever increasing weight gain on my single parent hood or my "baby fat" from my kids. My youngest is 4 years old!
I honestly dont know how I got this big and where I was when it happened. I have had a gym membership for over a year now and can say that I have been to it about 8 times since I opened my membership (never open a gym membership more than a mile from your home). I am still paying for my membership. Silly huh? This past week I have re-read a great book that I bought last year about my financial health entitled "Smart Women Finish Rich" by David Bach. I have no excuse for not putting any of his advice into action this past year. I simply closed my eyes and went on auto pilot as I went to school full time and worked full time. Now that I have re-read it, I am excited about improving my financial health. That got me thinking about my physical health. What I have noticed is that while my financial health has improved during this past year, my physical health has steadily declined. Looking at my daughter, she has taken up after me and is following my footsteps. She is over weight. My son is only 4 and is thin. For whatever reason he goes around telling people that he wants to be skinny. He does not want to be fat. I was perplexed about this until recently when I thought to myself : "Of course he is anxious about becoming over weight. He is surrounded by over weight people." I shouldn't convince him that being fat is better than being skinny. I should be teaching both my kids healthy ways of living ( including healthy financial habits).
So... to sum this all up, I am on my way to recovery. My sister took pics of me pre-healthy wearing a bathing suit with front and side profiles like you see in the infomercials in order for me to compare them 4, 8, and 12 weeks from now. Hopefully I would have stuck to my pre-new years resolution and will have lost weight by the end of 12 weeks. Feel free to encourage me along the way. Oh, the photos will not be published. Duh!
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